The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Like A Love Letter To Joel McHale, Nancy Grace's Nipple Comes Out To Play
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 26th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- The Holy Child Army Graces Gwen Stefani's House With Their Presence
- Southwest Is At It Again
- Take Cover! JLo's In Heat Again!
- Afternoon Crumbs
- Open Post: Hosted By Nicki Minaj's Fried Chicken Wing Necklace
- A Romanian Grandma vs. Chris Brown: Who Fell Better?
| Like A Love Letter To Joel McHale, Nancy Grace's Nipple Comes Out To Play | Top |
By now you've probably already pulled out your eyeballs with rusty pliers, marinated them in a pot full of boiling chloroform and shoved them back into your sockets just so you can send a roll of duct tape to the Dancing with the Stars Costume Department Attention: Nancy Grace's Nipple Handler (aka Satan). But coming to Dlisted proves that you hate yourself so you might as well fully hate yourself by getting a second serving of Nancy's NSFW succulent titty pepperoni. It was only a matter of time before "Nancy Grace nip slip" became the #1 search term on AOL in the ninth circle (Yes, in the ninth circle they only have dial-up AOL with NO SECOND PHONE LINE). Last week, Nancy's chichis were jumping around like her sanity cell trying to find the door marked "Exit" in her brain. It was bound to happen. Nancy's dance partner is a hot piece in every way so you really can't blame her chichis for popping a boner of sorts. But seriously, Nancy's peek-a-boo nipple plate was a win for three reasons: a) The West Coast cutaway shot of the NOT AMUSED audience members was the perfect response to Nancy's slippery nipple. b) A Nancy Grace nip slip is like a "Who's the sexy bitch now?" wink at Casey Anthony. c) Dancing with the Stars definitely needs more nipple slips (I'm looking at you, Tom Berg). It should really just be Nip Slipping with the Stars. Here's Nancy doing the Quickstep as her nipple did the Quickjump: And Nancy's nip might've been the breakout (literally) star of the night, but the runner-up was definitely the hot lady on Tom B's right who got some much-needed camera time before J.R. Martinez's dance: Must've been hypnotized (or temporarily blinded) by the nipples in the air. (Thanks Travis!) | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 26th! | Top |
That was the last time Jed invoked Ceiling Cat's name in vain. - gina latina Runners-up: Khloe's Spanx finds continued purpose helping others trap men into marriage. - maejones Effing James Franco has to turn even the simple act of getting into his dorm loft into performance art. - zachhcaz In 6 days the beer drinking douche shall come forth from its cocoon. - jefftexas via Evil Milk | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Walter Pandiani (aka El Rifle... Although, he might be known as El Menopauso today), the Uruguayan footballer who's the striker for RCD Espanyol and who possesses the very special mutant power of having the ability to self-lube himself up in minutes! During a post-match press conference in Spain, Walter went into a methed-out hot flash when he started sweating like John Travolta in a lady sauna, like ovaries near Lil' Wayne's dick, like White Oprah in a dry church, like Kim Kardashian when she sees a "No Cameras Allowed" sign, etc.. etc... Walter's sweat sprinkler pores work for me! Leave the Crisco tub at home and bring your determination, because sexing on Walter is probably like humping a Slip 'N Slide. Or like licking on a pregnant lady right before her water breaks. Here's the sped up version of Walter's pores spitting out a C+C Music Factory song. Get him a sweat blanket and an A/C suit and a part-time as GOOP's seat filler. via Sports Grid | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Phoebe Price (Forever 21!!!!) | |
| The Holy Child Army Graces Gwen Stefani's House With Their Presence | Top |
Zahara, the twin messiahs, Shiloh, Kingston and Lunesta (or whatever that one's name is) were all in the same room together in Gwen Stefani's London townhouse today and Maddox was not there to keep those little moppets in check. So that means they shattered the chandeliers with their tonsil-burning screeches and scratched each other's face skin off (that's not make-up) while scrapping in their own toddler fight club in the middle of the living room. When the Maddox is away, the child army will go CRAZY. That is why Gwen Stefani looks like she just pulled her head out of a burlap sack full of rabid raccoons. Breaking up a toddler fight club will do that to a bitch. Or maybe Gwen's hair looks like that, because she and St. Angie left all the chirruns with the nannies while they went upstairs to do a bunch of shit you definitely can't do on a Southwest flight if you know what I mean (picture me doing this). See, that's how Brangeloonie fanfic and blind items are born. | |
| Southwest Is At It Again | Top |
Those fun hating twats at Southwest have already told Kevin Smith that he was too fat to fly, told Billy Joe Armstrong that he was too saggy to fly, told some other chick that she was too slutty to fly and now they've told Leisha Hailey of The L-Word that she's too lezzie-ish to fly. Leisha raised her fist on Twitter and demanded an apology from Southwest after she says she and her girlfriend were told to get the fuck off of the plane for arguing with a flight attendant who told them to stop kissing in front of everyone. Leisha says that Southwest played the THINK OF THE CHILDREN card on her and now they're officially dead to her. I have been discriminated against by @SouthwestAir. Flt. attendant said that it was a "family" airline and kissing was not ok. Southwest put out a statement saying that several passengers complained that Leisha and her girlfriend were doing some "excessive" PDA shit and their staff took it off the plane after the argument got a little too thick. Initial reports indicate that we received several passenger complaints characterizing the behavior as excessive. Our crew, responsible for the comfort of all Customers on board, approached the passengers based solely on behavior and not gender. The conversation escalated to a level that was better resolved on the ground, as opposed to in flight. We regret any circumstance where a passenger does not have a positive experience on Southwest and we are ready to work directly with the passengers involved to offer our heartfelt apologies for falling short of their expectations. What is considered excessive, though? I mean, were Leisha and her piece clitty wrestling right there in the middle of the aisle? Were they sucking on each other's tongues while their bare nipple holes blew air kisses at each other? Did they do the vertical 69 on one of the seats? Did their make-out noises sound like a walrus sticking his tongue into a parfait bowl? I guess we won't know until Leisha release those tapes. But Southwest is still a mess. You can't be fat. You can't sag your pants. You can't be a slut. You can't kiss your lesbian piece. The only reasonable response to this is to fill all of Southwest's flights with saggy pants-wearing fat gay sluts who are attached at the tongue. It's the only way. | |
| Take Cover! JLo's In Heat Again! | Top |
Lock your windows, bring in your trash cans, turn the porch light off and tell the children not to open their eyes until morning, because now that JLo has been released from the cage in Skeletor's dungeon she's going wild, yowling at the moon, spraying her scent at the walls (smells like Glow) and sticking her culito hole in the faces of strangers hoping that someone takes pity upon her and gives her a scratch! At the iHeartRadio Music Festival in Las Vegas on Saturday night, JLo strangled a Muppet with her ass cheeks and then wore it as a trophy before she went full horny in front of the audience and humped on anything that didn't run from her. An official from the zoo arrived on the scene and tried to catch her with a net, but JLo can not and will not be tamed! JLo ran like a banshee with a hot asshole into Pure nightclub and continued to try so hard to be sexy that she pushed out a kidney stone with the word "STOP" etched into it. Don't listen to that kidney stone, JHo! You keep working it like only an old whore can! And here's some EXCLUSIVO backstage and frontstage footage of JLo going wild on Saturday night: | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
The intimate and coming of age moment when Justin Bieber asked Selena Gomez if she's ever had that not-so-fresh feeling - Lainey Gossip And when Chris Brown's spawn is born, let's hope the baby slaps him instead - The Superficial The gay beard from The Playboy Club has officially jumped out of the closet - Towleroad Another day, another G-rated upskirt - Hollywood Tuna Christina Hendricks gave her magnificent chichis the day off - Hollywood Tuna Ashley Greene's titty sacks are trying to rise up and quit her - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather The trick formerly known as Fat Virgin is getting her a piece of Jason Derulo - The Berry The Bloods make bikinis now?! - Just Jared The daddy of Doritos is going out exactly the way I expect the daddy of Doritos to go out - The Daily What Vanessa Hudgens is morphing from Kris Jenner to Joyce DeWitt - Popoholic Molly Sims got married - Popsugar Poop shoot - Cityrag Too Easy: Taylor Lautner takes the bull by the plastic peen (or whatever that is) and rides that bitch raw - SOW Antoine Dodson's newest addition to his mug shot gallery of beauty is way too Predator-ish for me - Crunk + Disorderly Speaking of creatures that belong in the land of Predator - I'm Not Obsessed Because India hasn't been through enough - Hollywood Rag And I'm sure Jennifer Aniston wrote "dickmatizated" in the memo part of the $450,000 check she wrote to pay Justin Theroux's painting - ICYDK | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Nicki Minaj's Fried Chicken Wing Necklace | Top |
The Garbage Pail hooker clown that is Nick Minaj gave us the Lady Caca meat moment of 2011 at last night's iHeart Radio Festival in Las Vegas when she wore a bright pink fried chicken necklace. This Fran Drescher raver looking ho. I have a recurring bong-induced dream where I slip under the greasy skin of a giant fried chicken breast and roll around in the fat jelly, so I know what fried chicken looks like and that does not look like fried chicken at all. That looks more like spray-painted pieces of Nicki's old nose or like Prairie Dawn's aborted fetus. No, thank you. Feed that shit to the pigeons (Nicki, not the necklace)! | |
| A Romanian Grandma vs. Chris Brown: Who Fell Better? | Top |
| Above is somebody's Romanian grandmama straight-up falling out of her good shoes after trying to conquer two tiny steps and losing. Below is everyone's least favorite long-donged douchehole eating floor with his butt during a show in Indianapolis last night. Watch and compare:
The Chris Brown one is making me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA until my keyboard goes hoarse. Watching Chris slip and bust his ass feels like two tiny kittens hugging my eyeballs. What a beautiful sight. The only way this could've been better is if the falling satellite played the role of Chris Brown's ass and Chris Brown's head played the role of the stage floor during a reenactment of this minutes later. The other video, I refuse to laugh at. I REFUSE! I have been trained to swallow down any laugh crawling up my throat over a granny going BOOM. My abuelita once crashed through a screen door and the first thing she did after adjusting her control-top hose was to check to make sure that not even a sliver of a smile was on my face. So I must not laugh at this Romanian memaw's hair cape hilariously flying through the air as she does the twist onto the floor. This is a setup and I will not fall for this trick! That being said, all points go to the Tumbling Romanian Grandma! via Best Week Ever & TMZ | |
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