The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 5th!
- LeAnn Rimes Is At The Beach Again
- Open Post: Hosted By Fauxgelina
- Elin Nordegren Just Bulldozed This Florida Mansion Down
- For Just $425, You Can Cleanse Your Colon The GOOP Way
- Casey Anthony Has Some Shit to Say ("Shit" Being The Key Word)
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Barbara Terry (aka Cleo from Hookers at the Point) - One of the most seasoned hos still trading coochie for dollars on the streets of Hunts Point in the Bronx. 52-year-old Barbara slapped a price tag on her pussy over 30 years ago after her husband left her with bills to pay and four empty stomachs to fill. Barbara only knew about the prostitution whore game from watching Starsky & Hutch, but she heard about what goes on at Hunts Point and so she headed on out there to begin a career of sucking rubber attached to semi-hard trucker dick and jumping into dumpsters to hide from the cops. Barbara has been locked up over 100 times, but she's also been able to put two of her children through college (cut to Barbara sashaying up to the admissions office with a shoe box full of sticky hundred dollars bills) and buy a house upstate (cut to Barbara sashaying up to the owner with a plastic grocery bag full of dollars bills that smell like stale goat milk and strawberry lube). Miss Oldest Pussy in the Game isn't done either. Barbara tells The New York Times that her children beg her to retire from the stroll, but her arthritis-ridden, grey-haired 'gina still has a few more miles on it. "I love the excitement of coming out here and seeing all these beautiful people I know," she said. "Even my dates are a comfort. This place has made me strong. It keeps you young." "When I'm ready to get off, I'll get off" are words to live by. I was about to seriously say that I want to be like Miss Barbara when I enter the "gargling with Metamucil after sucking peen for Celebrex pills" phase of my life, but she's got a purple heart pussy and is built special. If I sold ass for over 30 years, I'd have to tell my clients that if they feel a gushy mound of something touching their peen head, it's just my internal organs falling out of my ass. I don't think that's a selling point. Actually, it probably is. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Eddie Redmayne (30) | |
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
Wonder why this B list movie actress from an acting family has been looking so glum despite the biggest boost to her career ever? It could have something to do with the fact that this A++ list movie actor was having sex with her while cheating on his significant other and telling her she was everything he wanted and then he ran off and married a B list movie actress. She has not forgiven him, and refuses to talk to him unless absolutely necessary. (CDAN) The Girl with the Puff the Magic Dragon Tattoo started shooting in Sweden in September 2010 and Daniel Craig started aronofsky-ing on Rachel Weisz around November 2010.....so my official guess is DC, RW and my favorite new shade thrower Rooney Mara. I figured Rooney was putting on an Emo face for her transformation into an edgy Vulcan. Well, being scored by Daniel Craig dick would put the sour into anyone's face. This celebrity sibling rivalry is getting out of hand. Two sisters are both trying to get a fashion line started up. Investors are concerned that both of them doing this separately will hurt sales and are reluctant to back them. The sisters don't know this, but their mother approached the investors and helped back one sister over the other. We're not sure why she's playing favorites, but it looks like only one sister will have her dream of becoming a designer come true. (BuzzFoto) Please let this be The Landers (or at least The Junior Landers), because we don't deserve yet another set of child slave-made whore rags from the Kuntrashians. This insatiable actor is setting new records for decadence. Over the holidays he participated in a threesome with two women. One of these women was his ex-wife (who is an actress), and the other was just some random girl. The very next day, he participated in yet another threesome, this time with a woman and a man. The woman was his ex-girlfriend, and the man was her husband. Where does our actor find the energy? Who knew that his exes were on good terms with him? Since when does he swing both ways? And where the heck were the kids when all this was going down? (Blind Gossip) Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards? Exhibit: A | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz make their first red carpet appearance together and his hand is slowly making its way toward her chichi - Just Jared Can't Kristen Wiig just do the Bridesmaids sequel as her Tiny Hands character? - Lainey Gossip This rumor actually makes me miss Kevin Spacey was Lex Luthor - The Superficial Adrianne Curry gifts her followers with her 2005 chichis - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather This shoulder pads list needs way more Joan Collins - The Berry Jeremy Renner got fucked up in Phuket - Celebitchy The Empress of Lucite shows Courtney Stodden how casual elegance is really done - Hollywood Tuna I don't know what's scarier: Gary Busey's jaws of death or Ted Haggard's manufactured happiness - Towleroad Vanessa Hudgens is killing me softly with her UGGs - Popoholic Drew Barrymore is going for marriage number three - Popsugar The twee-est divorce in history is officially on - ICYDK Excuse me while I go and join the Julia Sugarbaker's Ghost 4 President campaign - OMG Blog Why is the girl with the dragon tattoo pissing on art? - The Daily What Add this one to your foot fetish file - Hollywood Rag Hopefully Bradley Cooper's beard has shaving cream in that bag - Celebslam Meryl Streep looks beautiful (served with zero percent bitchiness) - SOW Yes, these are some ugly ass waterbeds but I'd still wrestle a silver fox on each and every one of them - Cityrag Memaw Timberlake spills the tea, doesn't give a fuck while doing so - I'm Not Obsessed | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 5th! | Top |
via Metro | |
| LeAnn Rimes Is At The Beach Again | Top |
Ignore the sounds of Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" playing in your head, because even though LeAnn Rimes looks like a neglected horse fly who suffers from the dizzies due to malnourishment, she doesn't need your $18 a month donation. LeAnn Rimes needs a lot of things (examples: shame, dignity, the name of a good titty ball surgeon), but what she doesn't need is a donation. LeAnn's feedbag must be filled with nothing but gold coins, because she's permanently on vacation. In just the past few weeks, bitch was in Aspen and Mexico. And now she's strutting her yard apart chichis in Hawaii. LeAnn and a friend were horsing around (If you GONG me for that one, make sure it leaves a mark.) on the beach yesterday in front of a bunch of paps who I'm sure she called herself. LeAnn can't go a week without posing for pictures that look like they came straight out of Horse Fancy's swimsuit edition. And I need to take a quick moment to shed light on the abuse that plastic ball is enduring at the hooves of LeAnn Rimes. Can you imagine the painful emotions it's going through as it flies toward a ho with a cemetery of plastic balls on her chest? That poor plastic ball thinks she's going to catch it and stuff it into her chest where it will be trapped forever. What an evil bitch. Think of the plastic balls, LeAnn! | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Fauxgelina | Top |
| This is from the medieval days of 2009, but I'm posting it as a service message to third world orphans who are waiting for the moment that St. Angie Jolie will whisk into their jungle and take them away to her French chateau where they'll spend most of their days being driven around in a sidecar by Brad Pitt. There are fake St. Angie Jolies out there who won't whisk your third world orphan ass off to France. Don't let them fool you! Case in point: Meet Lina Sanz, a Spanish actress who wants to work as an Angie Jolie impersonator. Does she look like the saintly one? Yeah. But Lina is missing a mutant vein on her forehead and I don't have the sudden urge to stuff half of Claim Jumper's menu into her hunger hole. Lina should work on that. And was all that "Oh, put your hair down..." and "You look very very nice" from the casting lady really necessary. This shit is a "Take your top off" away from being Coco's audition scene in Fame. via Buzzfeed | |
| Elin Nordegren Just Bulldozed This Florida Mansion Down | Top |
One day you're wiping up another child's barf as the nanny, then you're humping Tiger Woods on your wedding night, then you're chasing him down with a golf club and then you're bulldozing down the $12 million Florida mansion you bought with your $100 million divorce settlement. Elin Nordegren is truly living the gold digging dream! Tiger Woods wrecked his own house by sticking his wandering peen into the chocha of every Waffle House waitress in Florida and now Elin Nordegren has wrecked her own house the old-fashioned way. TMZ says Elin bought the 9,000 square foot, 6 bedroom, 8 bathroom beachfront mansion in North Palm Beach for $12 million in March. Elin must be a disciple of Teresa Giudice's "living in a used house is gross" way of life, because she has torn it down and is planning to build her dream mansion complete with a gallery that will house the torn-off nutsacks of Tiger Woods, which was part of her settlement. Isn't this sort of thing a regular sport for the one percent? Whatever. Elin Nordegren earned the right to be wasteful as shit and build a multimillion dollar museum to celebrate the achievements of her perfect gold digging game. But really, this post was just an excuse to pay tribute to a future gold digger that dropped on my radar during last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. I present to you....ALANA! "I want monaaaaay! A dolla make me holla, honey boo-boo child!" is the first two sentences every young star in the money hungry universe should learn. Elin should honor the future of gold diggers by naming her mansion Honey Boo Boo Child. | |
| For Just $425, You Can Cleanse Your Colon The GOOP Way | Top |
GOOP is back with its first newsletter of the year and since Fishsticks Paltrow is obsessed with POOP, it's all about how you can reverse fuck your asshole raw by shitting out your insides while completely screwing over your checking account. Back in 2009, GOOP featured a cleanse by a company called Clean and the power of Fishsticks caused it to sell out immediately. So she's slapped the GOOP name on her favorite poop pusher and is selling it for the price of a bottle of genuine Tibetan monk tears. (You know, that's the stuff she gargles with to keep the crap that comes out of her mouth from burning her vocal cords.) With the help of her cleanse doctor (yes, this bitch has a cleanse doctor), Dr. Junger, Fishy put together the perfect detox that will make you feel as empty inside as her. Let Dr. Junger break it down for you: "The basic premise of this cleanse is that by creating the right conditions, our bodies will begin to reset themselves naturally. How? By adding in nutritionally-beneficial foods and supplements, and removing the major toxins in our diet (inflammatory and processed foods)." If you look at the 6 steps above, the GOOP CLEANSE (which sounds like the name of a swamp water enema) is very easy to do. You wake up, put your hair in a ponytail, drink an overpriced shake, down a handful of overpriced vitamins, change your clothes, eat salad in your friend's backyard, change your clothes again, check your email while drinking another overpriced shake, change your clothes for the fourth time, light a fire and then sit back with a mug full of your own tears. The light a fire part is very important. Because when you sit back and realize that you've just spent over four hundred damn dollars on some bullshit, you'll want to throw yourself into an open flame to end your GOOP misery (goopery?). | |
| Casey Anthony Has Some Shit to Say ("Shit" Being The Key Word) | Top |
| The Today Show this morning aired a video of who they've confirmed as the pride of Florida Waste Management, Casey Anthony, speaking into the webcam of her new computer about her life now and how she wants to start getting used to talking in front of a camera. That last part is Casey's way of saying, "I'm ready, Jerry Springer, and bring a blank check." While looking like Kate Gosselin's old possum hair shit all over her head, Casey talks into the camera and doesn't mention Caylee's name once, but does say that she's adopted a puppy and lets out more "me-es" than Kanye during a Twitter rant. Casey shot this gross mess back in October and nobody knows how it somehow magically ended up splattered all over the Internet (SPOILER ALERT: The bitch leaked it herself). It's also not known where she shot this shit. To me, it looks like Casey's inside of a mobile office trailer on a construction site. Yes, I've been in plenty of mobile office trailers so I know what they look like. You can read all about it when I put out my first book: The Places Craigslist's Casual Encounters Section Has Taken Me. But more importantly, WHO IN LUCIFER'S REACH HELL GAVE CASEY ANTHONY A PUPPY DOG?! Does Michael Vick have an underground dog adoption agency we don't know of? | |
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