The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- The Time David O. Russell Groped His Transgendered Niece's Tits In The Middle Of A Hotel Gym
- Blind Item Solved!
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 6th!
- QOTD: Kirstie Don't Want No Hot Hot Man
- Open Post: Hosted By Sydney Spies' Banned Yearbook Photo
- The End Of Gappy & Depp Might Be Near
- Justin Bieber's Jesus Tattoo Is Missing Something
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| The former Prime Minister of Australia Bob Hawke - What I know about the 23rd Prime Minister of Australia couldn't even fill up the tip of an XXS condom. If you asked me about Bob Hawke 24 hours ago, my brain would spit out a puff of nothing (instead of spitting out a puff of crap air like it normally does). I don't know if he ran Australia into the ground or if he brought it into the golden age by planting the silicone-covered peroxide seed that later grew into the country's official flower: Brynne Gordon. I don't know. But what I do know about Bob Hawke is that if I'm ever sitting next to him at a bar, I better grip my beer with two hands and my mouth or he'll make that shit go BYE! in 11 seconds (which is how long it took him to down a 2.5 pint when he broke the record in 1955). Now THAT'S how you become the leader of a country! (Thanks to everybody who sent this in) | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Nicolas Cage (48) | |
| The Time David O. Russell Groped His Transgendered Niece's Tits In The Middle Of A Hotel Gym | Top |
David O. Russell, noted asshole (click here and here for evidence) and director of The Fighter was being investigated by the Broward County Sheriff's after his 19-year-old transgendered niece told police that he molested her chichis in the gym of a Florida hotel during a workout on December 30th. If this story was a cup of alphabet soup, it would only have the letters W, T and F floating in it, because this shit is just fucked up. TMZ says that David's niece told police that they were doing ab crunches together (???) when he stopped to ask her about her transition and that led to talk about how hormones are making her tits grow. The niece claims that during their talk David slipped his hands under her top to touch her bare breasts. So there's David, molesting his transgendered niece right next to the ab crunch machine in the middle of a damn gym. If it makes you feel less gross, David and his niece aren't related by blood. It didn't take a layer of gross off? Yeah, me neither. The niece reported the titty grab three days after it happened. She told the cops that it made her feel uncomfortable, but she never told him to stop. When the cops asked David about it, he said that she gave him permission, because she wanted to know if one of her tits was bigger than the other. David also said that his niece is the one who made him pinky swear to not tell anyone about it. At this point in the police interview, David probably should've ate his fist and shut the hell up, but he kept talking: In the police report, one of the investigators notes, "Russell stated [his niece] is always causing drama since the transgender transformation and has become very provocative and seductive." That shit actually came out of his talk hole. Lily Tomlin, please feed this asshole your boot. David should've just told police, "It's Florida!" That would've been a better excuse. And when you're a 52-year-old grown man and a 19-year-old asks you to PINKY SWEAR to not tell anyone about you grabbing her nipples in a hotel gym, just perform a citizen's arrest on yourself and go directly to jail. Because something illegal definitely went down. A little while ago, a rep for the Broward County Sheriff's office said that they are not filing charges against David and the case is closed: "We are pleased that the authorities have looked into this matter and have confirmed that the investigation has been concluded and the case has been closed." They probably checked the law books and found out that in Florida a pinky swear is considered a legally binding agreement and so none of their testimonies could be used in court. Damn. | |
| Blind Item Solved! | Top |
The Internet assembled into one big Detective La Toya last October when a Texas-based Asian American actress threw a $1 million lawsuit at IMDB for exposing her real age of 40 instead of posting her Hollywood age of 30-something. The female question mark of Asian descent wanted IMDB to pay for fucking with her money, because she claimed in her lawsuit that Hollywood discriminates against 40-something unknown actresses. The guesses were everyone from Catherine Zeta-Jones (a valid guess) to Bai Ling to the entire cast of The Joy Luck Club. The good thing that came out of this is that it made me watch The Joy Luck Club again and I bonded with my dog by reciting the line "You make-ah me happeh" into his eyes on a daily basis. Anyway, IMDB asked a judge to dismiss the case if the actress didn't reveal her identity. The Hollywood Reporter reports that the judge has sided with IMDB and the anonymous actress has dramatically stepped out of the dark and revealed that she's the one and only: According to those bitches who did her wrong, IMDB, Junie Hoang was born Huong Hoang in Saigon, Vietnam on June 16, 1971. Junie's illustrious credits include 12 Corazones, My Big Phat Hip Hop Family, The Bong Connection, Operation Repo, Gingerbread Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver and an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant as a triage nurse. If you guessed Junie Hoang, then give yourself a slap in the face and follow it up with a punch to the eye, because that's what you get for lying. Nobody guessed Junie Hoang! Because nobody knows who Junie Hoang is. But I guess a bunch of us do now and I hope that Junie Hoang at least gets to play the role of Junie Hoang when some show on truTv does a reenactment of this. (SPOILER ALERT: She won't. Some 20-year-old white girl will get the role.) | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Guess who's in a bikini again.... Oh, why am I bothering with this question bullshit. It's LeAnn Rimes. You know it. I know it. We all know it. If you see a trick in a bikini, nine times out of ten, it's LeAnn. - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather What it would look like if Toni Collette and John Mayer with an Ogilvie home perm got together - Lainey Gossip The scab nectar of America is leaking over to the UK again - Hollywood Tuna This 24-month-old is already smarter than I could ever hope to be - The Berry Will Jada Pinkett-Smith move her box of strap-ons out of her marital home already, because dragging this mess out is killing me (not really) - Celebitchy Shakira's sun-soaked nalgitas. That is all. - The Superficial Whenever I see Dominic Purcell, I think how is it possible that he was never in Oz? The world ain't fair. - Towleroad Ashley Greene can walk, sip from a straw and carry a pocketbook at the same time - Popoholic In this episode of Planet Earth, watch as a zebra/cheetah hybrid tries to waddle around after eating its entire herd - Popsugar Hot Slut Runner-Up of the Day: Ole the Corgi - The Daily What The golden child of a million halos has not been born yet - Necole Bitchie Lily Allen named her daughter after your memaw - Just Jared Milla Jovovich really likes seaweed - Hollywood Rag How Mimi isn't in at least 10 of these pictures is beyond me - Cityrag Isaac Mizrahi got married - I'm Not Obsessed What would Zoila say? Trace from Flipping Out is a guy with an iPhone and a camera-loving peen - (NSFW) Queer Click This regional KIA commercial starring Gary Busey is incomplete without one of his signature acronyms for KIA - Videogum | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 6th! | Top |
via Poorly Dressed | |
| QOTD: Kirstie Don't Want No Hot Hot Man | Top |
I'm just going to drop this off and keep on going.... When asked about her dating life by Ellen DeGeneres, Alley, 60, admitted she usually goes for "psychos" and "players," so the host suggested she try going with the opposite of what she's attracted to. via CNN | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Sydney Spies' Banned Yearbook Photo | Top |
What you're looking at is not a flier for a taxi dance club/potato bar located on the outskirts of Reno. This is the picture 18-year-old Sydney Spies (no comment on that name) tried to submit as her official senior portrait for the yearbook at Durango High School in Colorado, but the student editors got together and banned it for being too sexy. They rejected Sydney's picture and now she's scheduled to meet with the school's principal, because she feels her rights have been violated. The school's administration agreed with the student editors that their yearbook is an award-winning piece of serious journalism and they could never let this kind of not-so-fresh skankiness smear their award-winning image! The yearbook's student editor explained to the Durango Herald, "We are an award-winning yearbook. We don't want to diminish the quality with something that can be seen as unprofessional." Sydney has staged a protest, because she feels the school is unfairly stomping on her freedom of expression and she doesn't want this to happen to anyone again. Sydney is fighting the good fight! Every high school student should have the right to tramp it up in their yearbook photos. We're here! We're sluts! Get used to it! But seriously, when did it become okay for high school seniors to pick their own yearbook pictures? This shit was not an option for me. My picture is so damn busted that several assholes asked me if it was damaged during printing (come to think of it, they ask me that about every picture of myself). If the generations before these brats had to suffer through shitty yearbook pictures, so should they. We didn't have the luxury of using the services of the finest photographer in Durango. We weren't allowed to be photographed from below the nipples, so we couldn't show off the fancy yellow skirt we bought AT REGULAR PRICE at Mandee's. We didn't get the option to use our mother's funeral table runner as a top. We didn't get any of that so they shouldn't either. #Getoffmylawnetc With all that being said, now is the time for Courtney Stodden to truly become the Gloria Steinem of her generation. Courtney, get your lucite heels to Durango and fight for Sydney's right to bring the sexy to her yearbook. Sydney is missing some clear bra straps, though. via Jezebel | |
| The End Of Gappy & Depp Might Be Near | Top |
Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp's 14 year long relationship has lived through a movie shoot with St. Angie Jolie, dick wandering rumors and his various degrees of hotness, so every whore expected them to last forever. Well, I guess forever in Hollywood years is 14, because Radar is putting all their chips on Vanessa and Johnny joining the Another One Bites A Dust Club of 2012. Their source is trying to say that the love between VaJohnny is slipping away the same way a ho does when they walk behind Johnny as he shakes out the greasy mop of oily locks on his head. The source's story is that Vanessa and Johnny are verbally brawling all the time and he's pretty much over it. The source puts it like this: "Johnny isn't handling anything well right now. People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now. Their relationship is heading toward the end. Johnny has started reaching out to lawyers, probably to quietly discuss how to get out of the relationship. They're not married but they've been together for years and have kids together so it isn't as easy as just breaking up." Johnny is a drunk doucheweasel sometimes (who isn't?) and his mouth diarrheas up the stupid on a regular basis (whose mouth doesn't?), but I'm still going to snort all of this up with a grain of salt. Like I said above, Johnny's relationship survived through the home-killing tornado that whirls out of St. Angie's hypnotic vagina. If Johnny and Vanessa can survive that, they can survive anything. So yeah, VaJohnny is going to last till the end of eternity. Oh wait. I think I'm getting Johnny's true loves mixed up again. What I really meant to type is that Johnny and Tim Burton's love is going to last till the end of eternity. There, that's better. | |
| Justin Bieber's Jesus Tattoo Is Missing Something | Top |
Justin Bieber and his daddy, the Canadian KFed, went to Shakey's in L.A. yesterday and as he jumped onto the booster seat on the driver side of his Range Rover, he flashed the new Jesus tattoo on his leg. It's nice and everything that the real Jesus is paying homage to the other Jesus with an ink portrait on his chicken leg, but it's incomplete! Let me fix that for Justin:
Jesus' eyes rolling up into Justin's shorts was just screaming for that. I will fax this to the tattoo shop inside of the Kid Zone Play Center, so Justin's artist is ready to go. I'm sure his legal guardians, Selena Gomez and Usher, have already signed a consent form so Justin doesn't have to worry about that. | |
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