The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Now We Know Who Really Has The Moves In The Spears Family
- The Hell Did I Watch Last Night?!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- What Happens In Fargo, Stay In Fargo, Okie Dokie
- Mena Suvari Is Legally Quitting Her Husband Of 18 Months
- Hot Sluts Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Because An Orange Is Nature's Ball Gag
- Afternoon Crumbs
| Now We Know Who Really Has The Moves In The Spears Family | Top |
| Brit Brit Spears posted this video the other day of SPF busting moves in her Home Goods showroom of a living room and let's just say that if any members of the Spears family should be charging $125 a ticket, it should be SPF! The best part is when SPF pushes JJ into the invisible wings for trying to upstage his ass by rolling in front of him. SPF is a one-Cheetoling show. Brit Brit's concert understudy has been found. SPF doesn't even need to learn the lyrics to her songs. Just give him a piece of Bubble Yum to chew on and he'll look like he has better lip-synch skills than Brit Brit does. A star in the Cheetoverse has been born. via Jezebel | |
| The Hell Did I Watch Last Night?! | Top |
| Lana Del Rey's album isn't even out yet until later this month, but hos started throwing cold mounds of shit at her months ago when they accused her ass of being as fake as the collagen noodles on her mouth. The Lana haters say that her record label changed her name from Lizzy Grant, uploaded a new musical style into her brain, plumped up her lips with a bike pump and transformed her into some kind of Nancy Sinatra-like indie wonder. And last night, they really tried to make Lana Del Rey happen by pushing her out on Saturday Night Live's stage when they really should've pushed her into an emergency room for a Red Bull injection, because she looked like she was going to fall into a coma mid-hair flip. If this was an episode of Dance Moms, Abby Lee would say that Lana didn't even earn a place on the sand under her pyramid. The whole thing was a new kind of bizarre. Lana sounded like a Japanese person trying to sing in English with a German accent. I'm sure that what came out of her mouth is not unlike the sounds that come out of a walrus's mouth when it's doing high school theater vocal exercises. The passport of Lana's voice filled up last night, because it was all over the place. (GONG me in the face for that one. I deserve it.) The way she moved too. Lord. It was like someone threatened to shoot all of her loved ones if she didn't give the performance of her life and she doesn't really love her loved ones, but doesn't want them to know that, so she just Meh-ed her way through it. Nerves due to inexperience are a helluva drug. With all that being blogged, I LOVED EVERY PAINFUL MINUTE OF IT! It was like watching an overly sedated 8-year-old girl do a Jennifer North from Valley of the Dolls impersonation. Sedated camp at its finest! | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| The Beer Loving Cat! And there you were thinking that pussy and yeast don't mix well together. If yeast infections looked like this, we'd all want one. Tonight is the Second Annual Ricky Gervais Pats Himself On His Hardcore Edgy Gene While ROASTING Hollywood Ceremony and about three seconds into that shit, most of us will look like that cat above. We'll be making hug love to a lukewarm can of the sweet nectar and licking on it like it's the only thing in the world that has ever done us right (SPOILER ALERT: It is!). But unlike Beer Cat, my can of the sweet nectar won't be Miller Lite. I mean, if I want to lick on something that tastes like ass, I'll lick on an actual ass. via Buzzfeed | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
María del Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Gutiérrez de los Perales Santa Ana Romanguera y de la Hinojosa Rasten (aka Charo) (61) | |
| What Happens In Fargo, Stay In Fargo, Okie Dokie | Top |
This short-lived tourism poster for North Dakota is supposed to make you think that North Dakota is the land of lit up peen signs (I see you lit up peen sign) and street sluts of all races in Coldwater Creek clothes who will hump on you. But I see this more as North Dakota the land where it's perfectly acceptable to wear a turquoise collar outside of a black blazer! I don't even know why this ad was pulled. It works for me! They should've just tweaked their tagline a bit. North Dakota: Where Literally The Only Thing There Is To Do Is Fuck Strangers. via The Daily What | |
| Mena Suvari Is Legally Quitting Her Husband Of 18 Months | Top |
After 18 long months (that's three eternities in Kardashian years) of wearing a wedding band, Mena Suvari has decided that her wedding band would look a lot better off of her finger and in the palm of a pawn shop clerk, because she has filed for divorce from her second husband Simone Sestito. A two-time divorcee by the age of 32! Mena is living the life I was supposed to live if gay marriage was legalized in the late 90s. DAMN HER! But all jokes aside, it really is a sad day when the couple name of SiMen SuTit is no more. People says that Mena and Simone became wife and husband in a beautiful pre-divorce ceremony two Junes ago in a private church in Vatican City, Italy (or as I called it when I got into a shoving match with some Eastern European bitches in front of a nativity scene, "Faticunt City"). Mena says in divorce papers filed in L.A. that they officially stopped staring at each other's faces on a daily basis on November 1, 2011. Mena doesn't want to pay spousal support and says that "irreconcilable differences" is the reason why their marriage drowned in a bath tub full of rose petals as Kevin Spacey tried to molest it. I can already hear whores screaming about how these young Hollywood sluts don't take the sanctity of marriage seriously anymore. NEWS FLASH! Nobody takes the sanctity of marriage seriously anymore. That's why the sanctity of marriage gave up, moved to Reno and now works the 1am-6am shift at strip club under the name Sanctitty Mirage. But really, I'm sure Mena and Simone tried to really make it work. You try sleeping next to a woman whose satellite head spits out the sound of static all night, because aliens from another universe are trying to send signals to it. Besides, how can Mena compete with JLo who is paying Simone (JLo knows him as "Casper") $10,000 to be her kept bitch? | |
| Hot Sluts Of The Day! | Top |
The Sagal Twins! With their Brenda Walsh haircuts (more like Brenda Walsh had a Sagal Twins haircut) and their touch of Winnie Cooper faces (more like Winnie Cooper had a touch of Sagal Twins face), Jean and Liz Sagal took the early 80s The Sagal Twins were also in the underground art house masterpiece Grease 2 and their older sister is Katey Sagal. I think it's about time for The Sagal Twins to give an encore of the performance above at a Sons of Anarchy club meeting. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Jason Bateman (43) | |
| Because An Orange Is Nature's Ball Gag | Top |
Masochist vegans who are members of the We Hate Simon Cowell Facebook group have never been more turned on. Simon Cowell's deflated man tits look like a plate of poorly pounded chicken paillard sloppily breaded in stale rye breadcrumbs, but he's not letting their sad and defeated attitude get to him while he lives the glamorous life on a yacht in St. Barts with his fiancee and ex-girlfriend. While you're in your cubicle eating around the rotten parts of a banana left in the back of your office refrigerator, rich ass Simon and his friends are playing with those bananas for fun! To rich bored bitches, bananas are toys! But on a sad note, I bet this is making Ryan Seacrest wipe a single tear on his OshKosh B'Gosh undershirt, because it wasn't too long ago when the only fruit Simon liked to play with was him. :( Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in Los Angeles, Paula Abdul is having a deep conversation on her banana phone while a pear transcribes the conversation on a slice of jicama. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Brad Pitt's hair looks almost Fabio-ian on the cover of W Magazine. Or maybe it looks almost JodieFoster-ian? - Lainey Gossip 50 Cent is the DOUCHE percent - The Berry I think this is the first time I've seen a bunny make a FML face and rightly so - Hollywood Tuna And yet this dead bride still looks a billion times more authentically happy than Kim Kardashian on her faux wedding day - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather CALLING TIM PEELER! CALLING TIM PEELER! Your long-lost Sasquatch soulmate has been spotted working as a Khloe Kardashian look-alike at a strip club in DC - Celebitchy Tila Tequila wants to become Tila Slivotiz - The Superficial The Beyonce horsefly looks like a Kardashian horsefly to me. I mean, fat golden shower ass? - Towleroad Please tell me Daniel Craig's new SoHo apartment is on Bond Street - ICYDK Leonardo DiCatchAHo's latest piece is totally wearing a jacket that used to be a sleeping bag - Popoholic If each one of the ladies of the Critics Choice Awards said "I'm wearing a dress by BORING and shoes by Unisom" when asked what they're wearing, they'd totally be telling the truth - Popsugar Despite wearing a wetsuit, Lindsay Lohan looks like water hasn't touched her skin in a long minute - Just Jared But can Eva Green eat a fence through an apple (or however that saying goes) like Vanessa Paradis can? - IDLYITW TEBOWIE! - ICYDK How is possible for Posh to be carrying a baby that weighs more than her ass? - SOW When pandas cut their bamboo with weed - Cityrag Toni Braxton's Lupus flare up put her back in the hospital - I'm Not Obsessed | |
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