The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Tina Fey Strikes Again
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For January 13th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Open Golden Globes Post: Hosted By The Dog From The Artist
- Kelsey Grammer Is Going To Be Somebody's Father For The Fifth Time
- MONEYBONG: Watch Brad Pitt Get Stuck In A Stoner Laugh Hole
- Now We Know Who Really Has The Moves In The Spears Family
- The Hell Did I Watch Last Night?!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
| Tina Fey Strikes Again | Top |
Somebody had to give the videobomb of the night and even though I was secretly hoping it would be an actual lit bomb behind Madge as she licked her own ego during her ten-year-long acceptance speech, it was Tina Fey! While who ever was on stage was throwing out the names of the nominees for Best Actress in a TV Comedy, Amy Poehler thought the camera lens and her were having a special intimate moment together, but then Tina snuck in like a chrishansenhaveaseat.gif. Tina is seriously becoming a seasoned bomber, because this is her second time stealing a ho's shine at an awards show. So if your ass is ever sitting in a $30,000 borrowed gown at an awards show and you hear the sounds of the Jaws theme behind you, it's Tina Fey stealing your shot! Or it's Phoebe Price since the secret ingredient in her chicken cutlets are magnets that drag her toward the camera. Wait. Are we sure this isn't actually Chicken Cutlets in a Tina Fey mask? | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For January 13th! | Top |
That smile was soon gone when he came home from work early and found his wife, Snow White, asleep and 35 little used condoms under her bed. - jazzfish_77 Don't judge me, you hardly gnome-e. - P-Money Okay. The child army has officially sucked all the hot out of Brad. - Caramel So that's how Ryan Seacrest manages to be in multiple places at once. - TheMar via FunPic | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Jessica Biel's Saggy Third Tit at last night's Golden Bore Awards! Jessica Biel is keeping her lips shut to the rumor that Justin Timberlake finally shut her beg hole by slipping an engagement cock ring around her strap-on, but at last night's GGs she let all of us know that she will be a bride someday soon by wearing a dusty wedding dress from the dried up bowels of 1984. But the best part of Jessica's vintage David's Bridal gown was that it made all of the voices in my head scream at the same time: SHE'S GOT A TRIO OF TITTIS! Jessica had saggy ass on her chest. Well, since bitch is in that Total Recall remake, she probably wanted to pay homage to the Three Tit Hooker while making Marky Mark's third nipple feel not so alone in this world. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Debbie Allen (62) | |
| Open Golden Globes Post: Hosted By The Dog From The Artist | Top |
I turned on E! a little while ago and watched Nicole Richie tell Ryan Gaycrest, "Yeah, my hair is by SUAVE professionals," so I already know that tonight's theme is FUCKERY. I would've joined Nicole's fan club if she said that her dress was by Charlotte Russe Couture and her shoes were by Chinese Laundry Black Label, but she didn't. Anyway, it's the Golden Globes tonight and it's that time of year when we watch half of Hollywood ignore the full bottles of champagne on the table (that's the hardest part in watching this mess) as Ricky Gervais (aka the HARDEST and BADDEST comedian on the stroll aka the Crips of comedians aka Blah Blah Blah) makes fun of celebwhores to their faces. EDGY! But importantly, it's also when we all get to swallow bottles of 100 proof whatever while making fun of whores wearing dresses that cost more than our EVERYTHING! I've blown the dust off of my Twatter and will be throwing shit on there throughout the night. As I've said before, the IRS is auditing my ass, so I'll be spending most of the night doing something called drunk puttingshitfortheIRStogethersoIwontgotoprison. So when your stash goes dry halfway through the 15-hour long ceremony, throw in an extra FUCK MY LIFE for me. | |
| Kelsey Grammer Is Going To Be Somebody's Father For The Fifth Time | Top |
The latest woman to take the Grammer last time, Kayte Walsh Grammer, is a new ginger and she's also got an adorable blank check baby growing in her uterus (Connected? I think fucking so!) Kayte miscarried in 2010, so this time Kelsey's rep waited until her second trimester to announce to the world that he's about to add a future member of his Child Support Club. People puts it like this: This will be the fifth child for the Boss star, 56, and the first for Walsh Grammer, 32. Five babies with FOUR baby mamas? Who does Frasier think he is? My dad? No, Frasier is nothing like my dad. My dad's idea of paying child support was buying me a factory defected acid wash jean jacket from Miller's Outpost. (Not-So-Fun Fact: My arch rival at SCATS, a gymnastics place and not a donkey punch emporium, stole that jacket from me in the locker room.) Anyway, congrats to Kayte for securing herself a child support check when her marriage eventually ends in a minute or so. Hopefully, Kayte names her baby CamilleYourChildSupportChecksJustGotSmallerBitch Grammer. | |
| MONEYBONG: Watch Brad Pitt Get Stuck In A Stoner Laugh Hole | Top |
| Grab yourself a big bowl of Funyuns nachos made with melted Cheetos and Hamburger Helper, because this blooper from the Moneyball DVD of Brad Pitt laughing until tears come out of his ducts will probably get you contact high. Brad is laughing like he just got his virgin weed cherry popped by taking a looong hit. LIGHTWEIGHT! Bitch is laugh crying like me when I read that he's the frontrunner for the Best Actor Oscar. I bet bitch's doctor laughed like that the first time he went to do a testicular test and found nothing but a tattoo that read "Angelina Was Here." As for why Brad's was caught in a HAHrricane, I'm sure the answer lies in the faces of the annoyed crew members who all made a mental note to never EVER let his weak ass take a hit from their blunt before a take. Amateur. And here's the other half of Brangie making her Vein of Life be known while posing with Pedro Almodovar at a Golden Globes luncheon for the Best Foreign Film nominees. | |
| Now We Know Who Really Has The Moves In The Spears Family | Top |
| Brit Brit Spears posted this video the other day of SPF busting moves in her Home Goods showroom of a living room and let's just say that if any members of the Spears family should be charging $125 a ticket, it should be SPF! The best part is when SPF pushes JJ into the invisible wings for trying to upstage his ass by rolling in front of him. SPF is a one-Cheetoling show. Brit Brit's concert understudy has been found. SPF doesn't even need to learn the lyrics to her songs. Just give him a piece of Bubble Yum to chew on and he'll look like he has better lip-synch skills than Brit Brit does. A star in the Cheetoverse has been born. via Jezebel | |
| The Hell Did I Watch Last Night?! | Top |
| Lana Del Rey's album isn't even out yet until later this month, but hos started throwing cold mounds of shit at her months ago when they accused her ass of being as fake as the collagen noodles on her mouth. The Lana haters say that her record label changed her name from Lizzy Grant, uploaded a new musical style into her brain, plumped up her lips with a bike pump and transformed her into some kind of Nancy Sinatra-like indie wonder. And last night, they really tried to make Lana Del Rey happen by pushing her out on Saturday Night Live's stage when they really should've pushed her into an emergency room for a Red Bull injection, because she looked like she was going to fall into a coma mid-hair flip. If this was an episode of Dance Moms, Abby Lee would say that Lana didn't even earn a place on the sand under her pyramid. The whole thing was a new kind of bizarre. Lana sounded like a Japanese person trying to sing in English with a German accent. I'm sure that what came out of her mouth is not unlike the sounds that come out of a walrus's mouth when it's doing high school theater vocal exercises. The passport of Lana's voice filled up last night, because it was all over the place. (GONG me in the face for that one. I deserve it.) The way she moved too. Lord. It was like someone threatened to shoot all of her loved ones if she didn't give the performance of her life and she doesn't really love her loved ones, but doesn't want them to know that, so she just Meh-ed her way through it. Nerves due to inexperience are a helluva drug. With all that being blogged, I LOVED EVERY PAINFUL MINUTE OF IT! It was like watching an overly sedated 8-year-old girl do a Jennifer North from Valley of the Dolls impersonation. Sedated camp at its finest! | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| The Beer Loving Cat! And there you were thinking that pussy and yeast don't mix well together. If yeast infections looked like this, we'd all want one. Tonight is the Second Annual Ricky Gervais Pats Himself On His Hardcore Edgy Gene While ROASTING Hollywood Ceremony and about three seconds into that shit, most of us will look like that cat above. We'll be making hug love to a lukewarm can of the sweet nectar and licking on it like it's the only thing in the world that has ever done us right (SPOILER ALERT: It is!). But unlike Beer Cat, my can of the sweet nectar won't be Miller Lite. I mean, if I want to lick on something that tastes like ass, I'll lick on an actual ass. via Buzzfeed | |
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