The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Gerard Butler Burns Brandi Glanville
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 27th!
- Houston Will Finally Get The Beyonce Monument They've Been Begging For
- Open Post: Hosted By A Lazy Ass Dormouse
- And Now, Here's Some Advice For Kris Humphries From Snoop Dogg
- Fear Factor Goes To The Donkey Show
- Demi Moore Is Basically A 15-Year-Old Skater Who Lives In Her Parent's Garage
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Dr. Susan Stafford, the original Vanna White! All this talk about how Pat Sajak (or Pat Say-yack as my mom calls him) and Vanna White used to do tequila shots off of each other's taints in between oil wrestling on the wheel (that's what I got from that) got me thinking about the original letter turner: Susan Stafford. Susan was one of the original beacon of game show glamour and premiere letter turner on Wheel of Fortune from 1975 until 1982. Back then, the winners had to use the money they won to buy stupid shit like silver-plated peanut bowls shaped like fishes and Susan had to pose with those prizes, so she's a multi-talented beauty! Susan left Wheel to focus on getting her PhD and humanitarian work. Everything you need to know about the pioneer letter turner is at her website, but one of my favorite fuckery facts is that Susan claims she SAVED Rock Hudson's soul by bringing in a Catholic priest to cleanse his sins just hours before he died. Remind me to not let Susan into the room moments before I burp out my last breath, because I do not want to spend my last minutes listening to some priest scrub the sin out of my soul with a prayer. That's a downer. Play me some Khia or some shit. That's the only prayer I need. Oh, and we should also remember Susan for this: I was so about to send a money order to that P.O. Box, but then I figured that if I want to wake up with a flatter stomach and a bed covered with a puddle of night shits from taking Nitediet, I'll just have butt sex with a few suppositories before bedtime. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Mo Rocca (43) (Picture via Boy Culture) | |
| Gerard Butler Burns Brandi Glanville | Top |
Brandi Glanville is known as everything from Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife to the trick who called Kim Richards a meth whore on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to LeAnn Rimes' body snatching victim, but to Gerard Butler she's known as "WHO?!" And that burns more than the sores that will rise from your genitals a day after wet humping on Gerard. Brandi recently bragged to Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live that she spent an entire week diving down into Gerry's greasy crotch bush and she rated his sex skills an 11 out of 10. While Gerry was walking around L.A. yesterday, TMZ asked him about what Brandi said and he rated her a solid ?. Gerry broke a ho down when he said, "Who's Brandi Glanville?" Don't you hate it when that happens? It's worse when you run into one of your one nighters at a bar or a party and they seriously ask you if you've met before. You crack your glass with your teeth to keep yourself from telling him that it would probably jog his memory if he stuck his nuts in your mouth. I mean, can't a slut get some respect? Anyway.... Brandi is sticking by her story and told Rumor Fix that Gerry even called her up to tell her that he pretended like he doesn't know her, because he's such a private person. "He called me last night and told me he said it. He is upset because he is a private person. I don't lie so I don't really care." This is what Brandi gets for violating the ho code by naming names. Besides, I don't know why she's admitting that she screwed on Gerard Butler. That will only get your name on a list at the Health Department and it doesn't earn you some kind of special slut badge since everybody has screwed on that man whore. If you walked into any bar right now and asked every ho in there to raise their hand if they have ever taken a ride on Gerry's grease stick, you'd see a sea of armpits. Then again, there's a chance that Brandi never rubbed her nipples on Gerry. Maybe she got her Butlers mixed up and she really fucked Brett Butler. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
JoJo is back and she's brought the Dlisted-famous Slut Dress with her! - Popoholic Nicole Kidman needs to start Botoxing her hair too - Lainey Gossip Matt Boner will play Darren Criss' older brother on Glee and I hope this means we're finally getting the incest storyline we've been waiting for - Towleroad Demi Moore is smoking salvia now and I'd really like it if we can just get to the part where we find out that the ghost of a junior high school junkie has possessed her body - The Superficial Jessica Simpson's necklace still looks like a turd on a t-bone steak to me - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Aaand a blind item might have its answer - Celebitchy RiRi's nipples for the zero of you who haven't met them yet - Hollywood Tuna So three twats walk into a restaurant together... - Popsugar And Madge still out-roids them all without the help of Photoshop - The Berry I like how Olivia Wilde's necklace is pointing to her titty situation - ICYDK James Franco as Hugh Hefner - Just Jared Jude Law and his newest piece are trying to be slick - I'm Not Obsessed Shit Samuel L. Jackson Says - Cityrag KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! - Celebslam Chicka-chickaaaaaah - The Daily What Gossip Nick Nolte has the right idea - SOW Swizz Beatz or an Upper East Side socialite who just got back from Morocco? - Crunk + Disorderly | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 27th! | Top |
via Break.com | |
| Houston Will Finally Get The Beyonce Monument They've Been Begging For | Top |
Not to be outdone by the monument to Basement Baby made by basement mice using moth balls, shredded cardboard and stuffed animal stuffing, a company called Armdeonce Ventures (aka Mama Tina's cousins) is looking for donations to build an homage to the greatest thing that has happened to Houston since the Beer Can House. Never mind that Syracuse already has erected a mighty Beyonce monument, why donate to such worthy causes as homelessness, hongray children, abused animals and Basement Baby's "Get Out of the Basement" fund when you can donate to a useless piece of shit cause like building a tribute to Blue Ivy's mother. Every Houstonian who doesn't have the last name Knowles is making the same face Beyonce is making in the picture above over this fucked up news. Marcus Mitchell and Steve White of Armdeonce Ventures tell MyFox Houston that city has already approved their plans and now they're just trying to scrape up the money so they can build their Beyonce monument by the end of this year. This is what Marcus said when explaining his plans and I'm just going to go ahead and assume this ho has been sniffing a whole lot of wig glue lately. "Our biggest thing is a lot of people get honored when they die, so our goal is to why not honor people why they're still here? We felt as though it's her time to be honored. We wanted to construct, like, a massive hall so as the doors open, if you donated to the monument, you'll have a separate nameplate. There will be clips of Beyonce with Destiny's Child and wardrobe like a mini museum. We've gotten support from the city of Houston, from the mayor. We're waiting for a very nice letter from the mayor right now." On a positive note, Houston's Beyonce monument will be the final signal the rapture will need to eat the earth from the outside in. If Marcus and Steve really want to honor Beyonce, they should "borrow" an obscure monument from a European country and slap her name on it. That is the ultimate tribute. (Thanks Nikki & Jazzfish) | |
| Open Post: Hosted By A Lazy Ass Dormouse | Top |
| This is where I'm supposed to make a Richard Gere joke, but instead I'm going to use my keystrokes to plead with a bitch to please get that loud lazy dormouse a Breathe Right strip, some allergy medicine, a lozenge for his nose and a body pillow. Because how can any of us get any work done when his ass sounds like Richard Gere and a dormouse wrestling on top of a plastic-wrapped mattress?! via Boing Boing (Thanks Kevin) | |
| And Now, Here's Some Advice For Kris Humphries From Snoop Dogg | Top |
| WARNING: About three seconds after hitting play on this NSFWish mess, a giant sperm fish with a mouth will scare away the afternoon buzz you got from inhaling nitrous out of a whipped cream can in the bathroom. During Snoop Dogg's web show, he was asked to drop a little few words of unfiltered wisdom into the ear holes of Kris Humphries and this is the hilarious shit that came blazing out of his mouth: "The first advice is, you dumb ass nigga, you shouldn't have tried to wife the bitch. She's not that type of a ho. She gets around, man. Did you see when Reggie took the bitch to Africa? She was looking at the Africans cause they had bigger dicks than his. He didn't know how to act afterward. They sent his ass to Miami. Reggie the only nigga that bounced back from the bitch. She's cold-blooded. I'm pretty sure she'll have a book in a month talking about all the niggas she got and how she played them. So, my advice is you can't make a ho a housewife. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch." That's funny. That's pretty much the same thing my mom said to the first serious boyfriend I brought home to meet her. And I really hope someone translates Snoop's advice into grunts and snorts so that Kris can actually understand it. via THR | |
| Fear Factor Goes To The Donkey Show | Top |
If you're in the middle of swallowing a glob of Red Bull (wink wink at you, Demi) and evaporated milk, you should pretend that it's donkey piss and donkey jizz, because if you're able to keep it down without heaving up 90% of your internal organs, you could win $50,000 on Fear Factor! The dust storm of bleached dandruff, fake tan residue and sea jasper ash that just covered L.A. is from Lindsay Lohan running over to NBC to sign up for Fear Factor. In the past, Fear Factor has fed their contestants all sorts of delicious gourmet delicacies like blended rats, sloth dicks wrapped in the ass cheeks of a baboon, snail vaginas, tarantula shit, charred fetus heads, etc.. etc... But their latest stunt dipped so low into the bowels of disgustingness that some NBC executives weren't sure if they should air it. But as they proved by giving Whitney a full season, NBC has no fucks to give and will air it anyway! Someone who works at Fear Factor tells TMZ that on an episode that airs Monday, the contestants have to swallow (no spitting allowed) entire cups of bladder juice and nut gravy from a donkey. Each contestant had to drink every last drop of donkey piss and jizz before they moved on to the next round, and some of them did it. SUCIO! It must be a very special Kardashian-themed episode. $50,000 could buy you a lot of shit (like 50,000 items from Taco Bell's new breakfist menu!), but is all that money really worth felching down the jizz of an ass in front of millions of people? It's one thing to drink donkey cum in the comfort of a Tijuana Donkey Show while surrounded by friends, but it's another to do it in front of a TV camera. What if you get pregnant? What if you shit out a tiny donkey human baby into the toilet? You're going to need more than $50,000 to raise it. And I don't even want to think about how they milked that donkey, but I'm sure it involved Joe Rogan's lubed-up hand and a copy of Heidi Montag's Playboy spread. But in NBC's defense, they've aired much grosser shit than hos drinking donkey semen. Like Donald Trump's face, for example. | |
| Demi Moore Is Basically A 15-Year-Old Skater Who Lives In Her Parent's Garage | Top |
So far (and according to the media), Demi Moore's medical file reads like that of a high school asshole whose idea of a good time is huffing from gas tanks before fingering his girlfriend in the bathroom of a Hardee's during his break. Because Demi apparently gets hungry for the sweet nectar, whip-its, Adderall AND Red Bull. TMZ is hearing that long before Demi whipped her way to a seizure, she ate Red Bull for breakfast, Red Bull for lunch and Red Bull for dinner. For 10 years, Demi has been obsessively riding the Red Bull daily, but some source says that in the past few weeks she's been replacing food with Red Bull. I think I speak for AssStain Kutcher and all of the Willis daughters when I say, MOM, you're embarrassing me! Someone from Red Bull tells TMZ that Demi is so hard up for that nasty shit that they regularly deliver shipments to her home. A different source says that when Demi was partying it up with Tater Head recently, she kept booze out of her mouth, but kept her tongue in a Red Bull all night long. Red Bull, really, Demi? RED? BULL? The period blood of an actual bull probably tastes better than Red Bull. You know when you're making out with some nasty drunk and he burps out a vomit-infused burp cloud into your mouth? That's what Red Bull tastes like. I wouldn't be giving Demi shit if TMZ says she was addicted to underground Four Loko, or if she was caught buying homemade PURPLE DRANK from Brit Brit's Cheetolings in the back room of their playhouse. But I just can't with her Red Bull addiction. What's next? We're going to see Demi on an episode of True Life: I'm Addicted to XBox360? I bet Demi's bedroom windows are covered in tinfoil and she uses Transformers bed sheets as curtains. I'm sad that nobody told Demi that the adult way of handling a divorce from a total douchebag is to fuck the pain away. When you're down and out, let the teaches of Peaches guide you. | |
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