The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- So Xtina Sang "At Last" At Etta James' Funeral Today...
- What A Precious Moment
- Soap Opera Actor Nick Santino Commits Suicide After Euthanizing His Dog Friend
- BREAKING: LeAnn Rimes Eats A Hot Dog
- Rumer Was With Demi The Night She Got Messed Up On The Wrong Shit
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Gerard Butler Burns Brandi Glanville
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 27th!
| So Xtina Sang "At Last" At Etta James' Funeral Today... | Top |
| Let that screen shot be the warning label you need to stuff pieces of egg crate into your ear holes and hit the mute button on your laptop (Note: You can still hear Xtina's "soprano walrus giving birth while getting ass fucked without lube in a moving wind tunnel" yodel even with the mute button on). Etta James was laid to rest in L.A. today and Xtina was invited by her family to sing "At Last" in front of mourners who should really get their knuckles chewed off for bringing their cell phones out at a damn funeral. I'm surprised their screens didn't shatter into a million pieces when Xtina's throat pushed out a sonic boom. My dog is still clinging to the ceiling and my ear drums are still lying at the opposite side of the room from listening to that last note. I swear it's like her voice is hanging on a bungee cord. Bitch's voice runs in circles, jumps up, hits the floor and does all sorts of cartwheels. It's like an acrobatic dog on the strongest kind of speed. Bitch SANG and it's a shame she didn't sing the orange off of her skin, because she's a few shades away from looking like a deep fried Cheeto and we all know what happens to deep fried Cheetos: they end up in the gulch of a Spears. And Etta can finally rest in peace now that Xtina and her chichis are finished hollerin' and shit. But I do love open air titties in church. | |
| What A Precious Moment | Top |
What you're witnessing is the very special moment when a leased piece asks his sugar mamita for a raise in his weekly allowance so that he can finally pay off the CZ studs he bought with his Zales charge card. Or maybe Casper Smart is telling JLo that he made a doo doo mound in his diaper. JLo's eyes do look like they're being touched by a stank cloud of baby diarrhea. I really hope my first guess about what's going on here is right, because obviously his $10,000 a week allowance is not cutting it. Dude needs to hire a stylist so he can stop looking like Howard the Duck going to a costume party as a low-budget Bruno Mars. Here's more of JLo and her paid bitch at some photo shoot with Mario Testino in Miami yesterday. As my new favorite poetweeter Casper Smart says: to be continued..... | |
| Soap Opera Actor Nick Santino Commits Suicide After Euthanizing His Dog Friend | Top |
Well, here's a giant cup of sads that will make you want to grab a bottle of something mind altering and hug your dog friend (if you don't have a dog friend within reach, just cuddle with a cat in a dog costume or bottle of Jack in a dog costume...) under the sheets for the rest of the day. Nick Santino, an actor who was on All My Children and Guiding Light, took the expressway to the heavens by downing a bunch of pills inside of his Upper West Side apartment last week. Nick left a suicide note where he wrote that he just couldn't go on after euthanizing his pit bull Rocco. Nick sent Rocco on a permanent nap, because his apartment building kept pressuring him to get rid of his dog. According to the New York Post, this is a piece of Nick's note: "Today I betrayed my best friend and put down my best friend. Rocco trusted me and I failed him. He didn't deserve this." Nick's problem with the bitches at 1 Lincoln Plaza started last year when they threw down a bunch of strict dog rules including banning all pit bulls. Rocco was a pit bull, so he was automatically a target of the building. The ban didn't affect pit bulls already living in the building, but Nick's friends and neighbors say he was still given shit for having one. Rocco wasn't allowed to ride in the main elevators and he couldn't be left by himself in Nick's apartment for more than 9 hours. One of Nick's neighbors say that she never heard Rocco bark, but somebody still complained about his barking and the building punished Nick with a $200 fine. Another neighbor said that building management harassed and poked at Nick about Rocco for months and months. Rocco's vet told Nick that the pit bull was becoming aggressive and he blamed it on his own depression. On his 47th birthday last week, Nick decided to say goodbye to Rocco and his dog was put to sleep. Nick called his ex-girlfriend at around 2 the next morning. A few hours later, Nick's body was found in his bedroom by the police. He had overdosed on pills. Nick's friends say that just like his dog Rocco, his remains will be cremated. Euthanizing a beloved dog friend you spent almost all your time with will fuck your emotions up and I'm sure Nick's were already raw from his building management turning his home life into a living prison hell. Damn. Living in NYC is no fucking joke. If I would've known, I would've told Nick to come live in my building since dog piss (not from mine, I think) is part of the decor and the sound of a barking ass dog (not mine, okay maybe sometimes) is our official soundtrack. | |
| BREAKING: LeAnn Rimes Eats A Hot Dog | Top |
Well well well... Just days after Brandi Glanville bragged about putting her mouth on an oily, half hard wiener, LeAnn Rimes practically did the same thing at a Mavericks game in Dallas last night. Is there any part of Brandi's life this bitch won't copy + paste onto hers? Bitch is as shameless as the sick dragon dog-loving porn freaks out there who are totally fapping to this and this (although, sh e might be gagging herself to skinny in the second one). I know the real story here is that LeAnn is not wearing a bikini (mark this day, etc...), is not Twatting and is putting something in her mouth other than her own fucking foot, but I'm going to ignore both of those things to say how disappointed I am that Khloe Kardashian didn't let out an attack roar before jumping on LeAnn. I've been waiting for a sequel to Mothra vs. King Kong for forever! | |
| Rumer Was With Demi The Night She Got Messed Up On The Wrong Shit | Top |
By now you've probably already heard and made a remix of Demi Moore's 911 call, and so I'm sure you've heard the part where the caller says that she had a seizure after smoking some nasty incense-like shit that wasn't marijuana. But in the call, the caller also asks someone named "Ru" what the name at the gate is so they can buzz in the paramedics. Yeah, I know your thought bubble is filled with the image of RuPaul pulling Demi away from the claw of the Grim Reaper by stabbing her in the heart with a syringe full of life juice (aka adrenaline) Pulp Fiction-style. But the Ru they're talking about is Demi's daughter Rumer aka Tater Head. So basically, Demi was probably doing whip-it hits and smoking some fraudulent weed with her daughter. In a T.G.I. Friday's bathroom somewhere on Long Island, White Oprah just lifted her head up from off the toilet and reminisced about the first time her precious angel dialed 911 after she ODed on NyQuil, dog sedatives and nail polish remover. White Oprah made a mental note to invite Demi and Rumer over for a mother/daughter play date. And as for that wannabe good shit Demi was smoking on, we all figured it was Miley's choice of fake herb Salvia, but Radar thinks it's something called K2 Spice. Just like Salvia, K2 is fake weed and some expert type says that it's known to cause body freak outs, "These synthetic cannabinoids have been associated with impaired driving incidents, attempted suicides, and emergency department visits, and have been linked to such adverse effects as increased anxiety, panic attacks, heart palpitations, respiratory complications, aggression, mood swings, altered perception, and paranoia." Of course Demi's body busted into a seizure after smoking that gross shit. Our bodies are our temples and wouldn't you lose it, throw shit and cause a scene if somebody brought fake weed to your temple? Nothing gets you an F in life choice making like smoking fake weed and inhaling whip-its with your daughter, because you're sad that you're no longer fucking on Kelso. And yes, I know that picture looks like a still from a deleted scene in Toy Story where Mr. Potato Head and Madame get fucked up on coke cut with silica gel. Jaws be grinding. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Dr. Susan Stafford, the original Vanna White! All this talk about how Pat Sajak (or Pat Say-yack as my mom calls him) and Vanna White used to do tequila shots off of each other's taints in between oil wrestling on the wheel (that's what I got from that) got me thinking about the original letter turner: Susan Stafford. Susan was one of the original beacon of game show glamour and premiere letter turner on Wheel of Fortune from 1975 until 1982. Back then, the winners had to use the money they won to buy stupid shit like silver-plated peanut bowls shaped like fishes and Susan had to pose with those prizes, so she's a multi-talented beauty! Susan left Wheel to focus on getting her PhD and humanitarian work. Everything you need to know about the pioneer letter turner is at her website, but one of my favorite fuckery facts is that Susan claims she SAVED Rock Hudson's soul by bringing in a Catholic priest to cleanse his sins just hours before he died. Remind me to not let Susan into the room moments before I burp out my last breath, because I do not want to spend my last minutes listening to some priest scrub the sin out of my soul with a prayer. That's a downer. Play me some Khia or some shit. That's the only prayer I need. Oh, and we should also remember Susan for this: I was so about to send a money order to that P.O. Box, but then I figured that if I want to wake up with a flatter stomach and a bed covered with a puddle of night shits from taking Nitediet, I'll just have butt sex with a few suppositories before bedtime. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Mo Rocca (43) (Picture via Boy Culture) | |
| Gerard Butler Burns Brandi Glanville | Top |
Brandi Glanville is known as everything from Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife to the trick who called Kim Richards a meth whore on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to LeAnn Rimes' body snatching victim, but to Gerard Butler she's known as "WHO?!" And that burns more than the sores that will rise from your genitals a day after wet humping on Gerard. Brandi recently bragged to Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live that she spent an entire week diving down into Gerry's greasy crotch bush and she rated his sex skills an 11 out of 10. While Gerry was walking around L.A. yesterday, TMZ asked him about what Brandi said and he rated her a solid ?. Gerry broke a ho down when he said, "Who's Brandi Glanville?" Don't you hate it when that happens? It's worse when you run into one of your one nighters at a bar or a party and they seriously ask you if you've met before. You crack your glass with your teeth to keep yourself from telling him that it would probably jog his memory if he stuck his nuts in your mouth. I mean, can't a slut get some respect? Anyway.... Brandi is sticking by her story and told Rumor Fix that Gerry even called her up to tell her that he pretended like he doesn't know her, because he's such a private person. "He called me last night and told me he said it. He is upset because he is a private person. I don't lie so I don't really care." This is what Brandi gets for violating the ho code by naming names. Besides, I don't know why she's admitting that she screwed on Gerard Butler. That will only get your name on a list at the Health Department and it doesn't earn you some kind of special slut badge since everybody has screwed on that man whore. If you walked into any bar right now and asked every ho in there to raise their hand if they have ever taken a ride on Gerry's grease stick, you'd see a sea of armpits. Then again, there's a chance that Brandi never rubbed her nipples on Gerry. Maybe she got her Butlers mixed up and she really fucked Brett Butler. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
JoJo is back and she's brought the Dlisted-famous Slut Dress with her! - Popoholic Nicole Kidman needs to start Botoxing her hair too - Lainey Gossip Matt Boner will play Darren Criss' older brother on Glee and I hope this means we're finally getting the incest storyline we've been waiting for - Towleroad Demi Moore is smoking salvia now and I'd really like it if we can just get to the part where we find out that the ghost of a junior high school junkie has possessed her body - The Superficial Jessica Simpson's necklace still looks like a turd on a t-bone steak to me - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Aaand a blind item might have its answer - Celebitchy RiRi's nipples for the zero of you who haven't met them yet - Hollywood Tuna So three twats walk into a restaurant together... - Popsugar And Madge still out-roids them all without the help of Photoshop - The Berry I like how Olivia Wilde's necklace is pointing to her titty situation - ICYDK James Franco as Hugh Hefner - Just Jared Jude Law and his newest piece are trying to be slick - I'm Not Obsessed Shit Samuel L. Jackson Says - Cityrag KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! - Celebslam Chicka-chickaaaaaah - The Daily What Gossip Nick Nolte has the right idea - SOW Swizz Beatz or an Upper East Side socialite who just got back from Morocco? - Crunk + Disorderly | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For January 27th! | Top |
via Break.com | |
CREATE MORE ALERTS:
Auctions - Find out when new auctions are posted
Horoscopes - Receive your daily horoscope
Music - Get the newest Album Releases, Playlists and more
News - Only the news you want, delivered!
Stocks - Stay connected to the market with price quotes and more
Weather - Get today's weather conditions
| You received this email because you subscribed to Yahoo! Alerts. Use this link to unsubscribe from this alert. To change your communications preferences for other Yahoo! business lines, please visit your Marketing Preferences. To learn more about Yahoo!'s use of personal information, including the use of web beacons in HTML-based email, please read our Privacy Policy. Yahoo! is located at 701 First Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94089. |
No comments:
Post a Comment