The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- I Can't Look At You Anymore, Sienna
- More Not-So-Shocking News: Jon & Kate File For Divorce
- No Jail Time For Chris Brown
| I Can't Look At You Anymore, Sienna | Top |
| Sienna Miller needs to follow Balthazar Getty's finger and get the dick out of here, because bitch has fucked up yet again! Sienna, throw yourself off that pier, ho! It's time for some tough love! I can't stand by and watch Sienna disrespect herself as one of the biggest sluts in all the land by continuing to mess with the same old soggy peen! I mean, just when I thought Sienna had finally released Balthazar's dick from her jaws of life vagina, here she is with him in Positano, Italy. Sienna and Balthazar spent Father's Day doing gross things on a boat together. Cue Balthazar's wife: " Aw, kids. That was nice of you to make daddy breakfast for Father's Day, but unfortunately he can't eat it, because he's too busy eating his slut whore mistress' snatch in Italy ." Sienna needs to stick her vag in a bowl of ice until its fever for Balthazar goes down, because obviously it's hallucinating. I don't care if Balthazar goes all the way up her GOWL , there's more dick out there that needs to be fucked! This slut is on notice AGAIN. | |
| More Not-So-Shocking News: Jon & Kate File For Divorce | Top |
| A few months ago, I barely even know who these Jon & Kate people were. When I started to read about Jon's rogue dick in the tabloids, I decided to slip into the back row with the rest of you to watch their marriage train slowly head for the side of a mountain. And now the train has crashed into the side of the mountain and burst into flames! People says that Jon & Kate filed for divorce this afternoon in Reading, Pa. They have been married for 10 years and have a million children together (rough estimate). On tonight's episode of Jon & Kunt, they are supposed to make a big announcement. Now that People has stolen their thunder, do we still have to watch? Ugh. Sigh. Unfortunately, I'm going to watch hoping that Kate's rabid possum head bites Jon crotch just one more time. You know, one for the road. Life & Style says that the rumors are true and Jon is moving to Manhattan. Jon is going to work in NYC and visit his kids on the weekends. Basically, this sounds like Kate is getting EVERYTHING (i.e. the child army and house) since Jon is moving out of the state. Hey, at Jon gets his nuts back! Well, he gets them back on the weekdays anyway. This whole thing has been like watching an episode of Faces of Death in slow motion. This shit just proves once again that reality TV murders marriages. If you're trying to get out of your marriage and don't know how, just star in your own reality show! It's the quickest way to D-I-V-O-R-C-E. | |
| No Jail Time For Chris Brown | Top |
| Try not to have a seizure due to shock, but Chris Brown will not go to jail for Ike Turnering Alien Princess RiRi . TMZ says that Chris struck a deal today. Every prisoner in every jail in L.A. is disappointed, because they were hoping to turn that ass out! Chris must serve 180 consecutive days of hard labor in Virginia (where he lives). To Chris, hard labor is probably wiping his own ass or whoopin' a trick. But to the system, hard labor is picking up trash on the freeway. Be sure to honk if you see Chris in an orange jumpsuit! On top of that, Chris will be on probation for 5 years for felony assault. If he violates his probation, he could go to prison for up to 4 years. That's a silver lining for you, prisoners of L.A.! Chris was also ordered to stay away from RiRi and he must complete a domestic violence counseling program. I wonder if they wrapped up this deal in fancy paper with a purdy bow on top, because this shit is a gift to Chris Brown. Image: Johnny Louis/ Wenn | |
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