The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Open Post: Hosted By POOP Tacos
- NOOOO: Rue McClanahan Has Died
- Nice Try, CROCS!
- Shannon Price Had The Right
| Open Post: Hosted By POOP Tacos | Top |
| Since I'm already punching at imaginary angels in the air over Rue McClanahan's death, I might as well go completely off the edge.....and I'm taking you with me! This is Fishsticks Paltrow showing us how she stuffs her taco with shrimps in a cooking video for GOOP. Thinking about Fishy's shrimp taco is the last thing I needed today. I bet even her shrimp taco frowns at her. Anyways, suffer with me. We'll all jump when she says, " DONESVILLE! " via POOP | |
| NOOOO: Rue McClanahan Has Died | Top |
| People reports that the angelic gift from heaven known as Rue McClanahan has returned home today. Rue's rep said that she passed away at 1 this morning from a massive stroke. Rue was 76. Excuse me while I scream "NOOOOOOOO" through the streets while tearing my hair out. I'll be back to write some more. And I'm back, but I left my heart at the bus stop so it can go to the bakery to buy my ass a cheesecake from C-Town to drown my sadness in. Just last night I came home with the drunks and soothed my dry heaves by watching an episode of The Golden Girls. It was the one where the ladies get robbed and Blanche finds out that the thieving thief snatched her jo-ree from the jar of flour she hid it in. Dorothy called Blanche an idiot, because she says everyone hides their jooree in the flour. And now I want to hide my prized Pac-Man Swatch watch in a jar of flour in honor of Rue. Rue's rep added that she was surrounded by her family when she waltzed off to the giant lanai in the sky with Bea Arthur and Estelle Getty. Rest in peace, Rue. And thank you for playing a character that showed me it's okay to be a big ass whore with a bitchy tongue as long you do it while wearing pastel florals. I've lost a role model in life! Now let's all form a protective circle around Betty White while she eats a piece of cheesecake by herself at the table :( | |
| Nice Try, CROCS! | Top |
| A recent poll shows that the majority of the world's population has jumped over to the light side and now believes that CROCS are made from the charred souls of Satan's slaves in the depths of HELL (I'm lying, there's no such poll) . That is exactly why the CROCS main PR department, whose offices are in the 6th circle, is trying to win you back by pulling at your heart strings until your arteries split open and bleed tears made of AWWWWWWs . Example: This story about an adorable PAID LITTLE ACTOR English boy whose young life was saved thanks to a pair of CROCS! You feel the first string tugging already, don't you. WEAK FUCKS! Danielle Sutton-Dormer of Essex tells the Daily Mail that her 3-year-old son Harley got electrocuted from a faulty blowdryer in a swimming pool changing room at a leisure centre near their home. Harley suffered a few minor burns, but the paramedics said it could've been much much worse if he wasn't wearing the lifesaving CROCS. Harley's mother said, " The paramedic said he was really lucky he was wearing Crocs shoes at the time, as they stopped the electricity going through his legs and coming out of his feet and probably saved him from serious injury ." The moral of the story is, do not use a fucked up blowdryer in a swimming pool changing room! But if the importance of hair forces you to do so, slip two giant rubber vaginas over your feet or stand on two dildos. They will also stop the shock and you won't look like a complete fool. Okay, you will look like a complete fool (who is mostly likely on some kind of government list), but at least you won't be contributing to EVIL! | |
| Shannon Price Had The Right | Top |
| Monocles down! Yesterday, it was reported that Gary Coleman and Shannon Price were not married at the time of his death. They divorced a couple of years ago. This bit of news made everybody raise a Spock brow while holding a black kitten , because the question came up if Shannon was authorized to make the decision to take Gary off life support since she wasn't his wife at the time. The answer is: she was. Apparently, Shannon did lie to the hospital when she told them he was his wife, but she did have the legal right to make medical decisions for Gary. The hospital had this to say: " Mr. Coleman had completed an Advanced Health Care Directive that granted Shannon Price permission to make medical decisions on his behalf if he was unable to do so. An Advanced Health Care Directive remains in effect regardless of a patient's marital status, unless modified by the patient. It is a private medical document which the hospital does not have permission to release. However, we received permission to confirm that the document was in effect at the time of Mr. Coleman's death. " So Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay don't need to knock on Shannon Price's door just yet (but they should wait in the car until further notice). | |
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