The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- QOTD: Dr. Drew Thinks Angie Jolie Is Malnourished
- This Bitch Is Talking Again: The Mike Seaver Edition
- The Time Amber Tamblyn Pranked Tyrese's Ass
- True Elegance Coming Through...
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Night Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For March 2nd!
- Lindsay Lohan Begged Her Way Onto SNL
- Open Post: Hosted By Some Footballer-On-Footballer Action
| QOTD: Dr. Drew Thinks Angie Jolie Is Malnourished | Top |
On The View yesterday morning (click here to see that mess, try to ignore Pimp Mama Kris), Dr. Drew, who holds a PhD in fame whoring, finally broke his silence on the state of Angie Jolie's nutrition and said that he can no longer keep his mouth shut about the health of a skinny trick he has never treated. Dr. Drew is so good that he can diagnose a bitch through pictures and by reading reports in the highly credible medical journal we all know as UsWeekly. Dr. Drew is obviously the only doctor anybody listens to, so he's letting it be known that he thinks Angie is dangerously close to shriveling away until the only thing that's left of her is that attention whore right leg (because it's going to haunt us forever). "It's another condition where, I saw that, and I spoke up about it on my HLN program, because I felt I had to. I am tired of keeping quiet about this stuff. When I was quiet about the prescription drug use and everybody started dying, and now I feel an obligation to speak up. She's malnourished. She has the stigmata of malnutrition. There are reports, Us Weekly reported she was doing it to make a statement about the kids in Africa that she was working with that didn't have a chance to eat. Who knows what the reason is. I just see malnutrition there and we shouldn't look at that as an ideal of beauty is what I'm saying. She's a beautiful woman, but she needs to be better nourished." "I'm tired of keeping quiet!" - Dr. Drew "We're tired of you NOT keeping quiet!" - The World Dr. Drew is supposed to be the greatest doctor since Dr. Quinn and the best shit he can come up with is that Angie Jolie is malnourished? Anybody who isn't a member of a thinspo journal can see that Angie's got pencil dick arms and needs to take an eatin' tour or twenty with Jessica Simpson. Dr. Drew is Dr. DUH. But you know, maybe the wise words of the all-knowing Dr. Fame Whore had an effect on Angie (no, they didn't), because here she is at McDonald's with Brad Pitt today. Dr. Drew is so going to take credit for Angie sniffing two McDonald's fries instead of one. | |
| This Bitch Is Talking Again: The Mike Seaver Edition | Top |
| As part of Has-Been Week on Piers Morgan's CNN show last night, he talked to Dr. Seaver's son turned evangelical crazy Kirk Cameron about all sorts of shit including gay marriage and homosexuality in general. If you're thinking that putting your ear up to a dog's asshole right before it farts would fill you with more interesting shit than what came out of Kirk's mouth, you're right! But if you still want know what came out of Kirk's pie hole and don't have the stomach to watch him in motion, here you go: Kirk on same sex marriage: "Marriage was defined by God a long time ago. Marriage is almost as old as dirt and it was defined in the garden between Adam and Eve. One man, one woman for life till death do you part. So I would never attempt to try to redefine marriage and I don't think anyone else should either. So do I support the idea of gay marriage? No, I don't." Kirk thinking that marriage is only meant for a man and a beautiful lady he carved out of his own rib bone is his opinion. Kirk also thinking that me sucking on man taint is ruining society just like his mouth has ruined whatever is left of his joke of acting career is his opinion. Those are his opinions and he's entitled to them. Just like I'm entitled to my opinion that without gays and lesbians, the world would be a sad, bland place without glitter, flannel, sprinkles, Home Depot and RuPaul's Drag Race. It's also my opinion that the shit that spews out of Kirk's mouth hole is the reason why nobody wants to come to his foot-long party!
When are we going to get to the part when some Craigslist hustler is on the cover of The National Enquirer talking about how he gave Kirk Cameron a real growing pain. That moment is inevitable and I, for one, can't wait. | |
| The Time Amber Tamblyn Pranked Tyrese's Ass | Top |
Amber Tamblyn's got a lot of spare time on her hands and thank EVERYTHING for that, because if she didn't then she never would've fucked with Tyrese in the kind of prank that self-proclaimed prank master George Clooney only dreams of busting on a trick. Amber writes on her Facebook page (via Street Carnage) that it all started when Tyrese saw her name cc'ed on an email that one of their mutual friends sent out. This shit was destined to be, because Amber Tamblyn's middle name is Rose and her email address is registered under Amber Rose. Tyrese thought Amber Rose was really hip hop concubine Amber Rose and emailed her hoping they can "work" on a music project together. David Cross must be rubbing off on Amber Tamblyn in more ways than one, because she went all the way with that shit. Amber Tamblyn not only pretended to be Amber Rose, but she even sent Tyrese some priceless demos that "Amber Rose" is working on. Their entire conversation complete with the demos is after the jump. If you're hungover, it will soothe you right. If you're not hungover, it will still soothe you right. JUMP! | |
| True Elegance Coming Through... | Top |
Adrienne Bailon and her amateur pook-a-poon theatrics can step aside, because here's a real divine goddess who knows how to serve HO SHIT with a heaping serving of class and elegance. No, this isn't Carmen Carrera with an Eva Longoria face mask on. This is a mysterious and delicate flower named Micaela Schaefer. I'm only calling her mysterious, because I don't know who the fuck she is! Apparently, Micaela was on Germany's Next Top Model for a quick second, but was kicked off since Heidi Klum was jealous of her beauty. Obviously. Micaela now pays her pussy waxing bill with DJ gigs and appearances at such family friendly events like the Holiday on Ice Show in Berlin. Micaela sashayed into the Holiday on Ice Show and gave the children some Holy Bible glamour by coming as the gorgeous slut version of the Garden of Eden complete with her not-so-forbidden fruits on display. I'm so glad that someone is teaching the children of Germany that you aren't officially a style icon until you've chafed your pussy lips on a piece of fake snakeskin. I am just like that lady in the background. I can close my eyes forever now that I've seen it all. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Charly Boy aka His Royal Punkness, Nigerian singer, the glittery jewel of West Africa, a judge on Nigerian Idol, the owner of two stunning antelope antler brows and the lone beauty who is keeping Urban Decay alive and well in Africa. Thanks to Dlisted reader Dave who introduced me to this blossom who bloomed in Africa when the Gods decided that what this world really needs is the love child of King Koopa and Sly Stone who has the sexual essence of Tanya from Basketball Wives L.A. and the style of a junior high school raver circa 2001. I'll let Dave explain the glory of Charly Boy to you: I would like to nominate Charly Boy for Hot Slut of the Day... What a miraculous mess! And you know his farts probably smell like Charlie perfume. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
David Faustino (38) | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
Maddox's anime hair is a hair curler away from crashing dangerously into "The Rachel" territory - Lainey Gossip Today's hairy nipple flash brought to you by James Franco - Towleroad I'm pretty sure Brit Brit "settled" that bunk lawsuit by threatening to get naked and fart again unless Fernando Flores dropped it - Celebitchy BREAKING: Kristen Stewart cracks a smile, or maybe she's smiling cause she just cracked a fart? - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather This link might be a little sticky, so just spray it down with Windex before you proceed - The Berry The water in Paris has been tainted with turquoise and they can blame Katy Perry's Manic Panicness for that - The Superficial Olivia Wilde's boom and boobs in GQ - Hollywood Tuna Bitch Got Demoted: The Lamar Odom Edition - Yahoo! What Zac Efron and Danny DeVito would look like if they went down on a yellow-haired troll doll - Popsugar No. - Popoholic Casper Smart uses his allowance money to take his Sugar Mami to dinner - ICYDK Zachary Quinto and Jessica Lange will be regulars on next season's American Horror Story...but...but... what about Pretty Girl? - Just Jared From the desk of DUH - Hollywood Rag You're welcome very much you're welcome very much! - The Daily What Just what humanity needs: Jersey Shore Mom - I'm Not Obsessed (Picture via FameFlynet) | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For March 2nd! | Top |
| Lindsay Lohan Begged Her Way Onto SNL | Top |
| Lindsay Lohan's ongoing desperation tour through every show on NBC made a stop on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night and she told Jimmy that she got the SNL job by doing what her mommy taught her (no, not that, the other thing): beg beg beg a bitch until his only options are to give in or FedEx himself to North Korea to escape the begging. LiLo said that she called Lorne before cornering him in L.A. and since he was so tired of her Howdy Doody cheeks invading his nightmares and her threats of handjobs, he threw the crackie a bone. Jimmy: How did it happen? Did Lorne call you or... We can sit here and laugh at the 55-year-old wig full of freckles and greasy desperation for being so devoted to the gospel according to pathetic, but guess who got the job, bitch?! If you were dignity-free and spent the early morning hours calling Lorne at home in between snorting lines of White Diamonds to get closer to Elizabeth Taylor, you too would be reading cue cards on SNL this weekend! And here's Lindsay of Crackrabia leaving her hotel yesterday afternoon. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Some Footballer-On-Footballer Action | Top |
| During a football game in Germany on Wednesday night, Mathieu Debuchy and Olivier Giroud scored a goal together and celebrated by having a beautiful Notebook-ish moment on the field. Queerty says that it set loins on fire and #Debuchy (side note: debuchy sounds like a fancy name for getting your pube bush trimmed) trended on Twitter for hours after it happened. In Europe, they don't even blink their eyes or reach for the lube when shit like this happens. But in America, we pull down the shades, bring out the economy-sized lotion, play this clip in slow motion on a loop and blast Echo & The Bunnyman. Let us frigid-faced prude bitch Americans have our fap fun! | |
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