The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Vintage Kirk Cameron & Marie Osmond
- Somebody Got A MasterCuts Blow Out
- Who Wants To See Patrick Schwarzenegger's Busted And Bloody Butt Cheek?
- Hot Sluts Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- You So Hardcore, Demi
- A Dirt Star Is Born
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Afternoon Crumbs
| Vintage Kirk Cameron & Marie Osmond | Top |
| You know, I was going to post a video making the rounds (a week fucking later) of gay hater (gayter?) Kirk Cameron farting from his talk hole about what he thinks a woman should do with her body, but Mike Seaver hating on abortion is about as unsurprising as me telling you that last night I undressed a Sourdough Jack before making sweet mouth love to it. So instead of going there with Kirk, let's all remember a happier time when he flared his jazz hands and twinkled from every toe while dancing around with Marie Osmond in a magical land full of gigantic uncut gold dicks. But mostly, I'm posting this to beg Marie Osmond to return her hair to its 80s glory when it was a square-shaped afro mullet of lusciousness. For the love of Tuan Anh, Marie, take your hair back to that place. via Queerty | |
| Somebody Got A MasterCuts Blow Out | Top |
You know it's a special occasion when Brad Pitt gets defleaed and fully groomed. Brad got his anal glands pinched and flat ironed his way to Fabio levels of beauty last night for the Make It Right Gala in New Orleans. Yes, Brangelina's maids spent most of their night scrubbing the ass jelly, scalp grease and dick smegma from the bottom of Brad Pitt's shower, but it was well worth it, because for once he didn't have a Pig Pen cloud of stank around him. That blowout made Brad look like a Keith Urban wax figure made with orange candle gel and a recycled wig from a Jennifer Aniston mannequin, so what I'm saying is that this is a few steps up from bitch's usual raggedy look. And I don't even mind that he's dressed like he should have a stack of cocktail napkins and a plastic tray of canapés in his hand. Here's more of St. Angie and Brad at last night's thing as well as some pictures of Angie walking around with three members of the child army in New Orleans today. I guess a daily diet of McDonald's and gas station food is the way to go, because Zahara and Pax are almost adult people height! And I see Zahara trying to keep Blue Ivy in check with that blue braid. Shots fired. | |
| Who Wants To See Patrick Schwarzenegger's Busted And Bloody Butt Cheek? | Top |
In "I'm sure your sick ass will find a way to fap to this" news, Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger's 18-year-old son Patrick had a BITCH GOES BOOM accident yesterday while skiing with his family in Sun Valley, Idaho. Patrick spent a quick minute in the hospital, but he was well enough to Tweet a picture of the gaping, bloody gash on his nalgas. If you're the kind of weak bitch who gets light in the head over a bloody ass, then please put that disclaimer in your Grindr profile, because I hate it when a top passes out at the sight of a horror show butt. It totally kills the romance. Also, if a bloody ass slit gives the weezies, keep your black arrow away from this link. JUMP! | |
| Hot Sluts Of The Day! | Top |
| Eurovision, the disco ball fart pushed out of a yodeling unicorn's glittery asshole, is upon us again, but every other country besides Russia can pack up their fuckery kits, go home and take the rest of the month off. Because nothing can top Buranovskiye Babushki (Google translation alert: that means "poppin' memaw pussies" in Russian), the 6 grannies from the village of Buranovo whose song "Party for Everybody" has been chosen as Russia's official Eurovision entry. Just like my abuelita, these singing Babushkies, always wear everything in their closet, keep a whoopin' belt strapped to their chests at all times and the party don't start until they say so. Just look at the little one. She partied her dentures off! Give them the trophy NOW! | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
The Lady Chablis (55) | |
| You So Hardcore, Demi | Top |
Demi Lovato tells NYC's Z100 radio (via HuffPo) that she can't talk about the most rock 'n roll things she's ever done (see: eating mounds of coke with her nostrils, fucking dudes in the middle of parties, basically being the most annoying after school special come to life, etc...), but she can talk about her love for throwing shit and ruining dressing rooms. If you're a janitor who has recently scrubbed out smashed pieces of cold bologna from the carpet in a dressing room, feel free to throw up a middle finger at Demi for saying this: "I break things. I've trashed dressing rooms just for the hell of it. If Jesus be a 1980s movie starring Ally Sheedy, Demi Lovato will wake up in a maid's uniform and she'll be the one cleaning mustard stains from the walls after some spoiled, piece of janky trash has a food fight for fun. Dumb ho. Everybody clear the way when Demi is coming through, because she's a real rock 'n roll bad ass who's always packing heat in an Oscar Meyer package. I bet her chola name is La Jamón Girl. | |
| A Dirt Star Is Born | Top |
The ten millionth remake of A Star is Born is turning out to be an idea as good as butt fucking a popsicle in the middle of August. It's going to have the same outcome too. Clint Eastwood has already signed on to direct and Beyonce is going to take the Judy Garland/Barbra Streisand role, and now Tommy Girl is in talks to play the has-been rock star. Yup, this is going to be a puddle of shit, sugar water and ice cold regrets. Deadline says that Tommy and Clint have had several conversations about him taking the lead opposite Beyonce. Once the pillow baby-inflected velcro burns on Beyonce's belly heal, she'll be ready to start making Razzie history. Beyonce could be ready as soon as June, but Tommy's plate is full with two other movies. Clint has also considered Will Smith, Christian Bale, Leonardo DiCatchaHo, Russell Crowe and Eminem (???). Tommy and Beyonce has to be the weirdest pairing since toothpaste and blowjobs. Beyonce's lacefront emotes more raw emotion on a movie screen than she does and Tommy as her lovah is just a whole new level of awkward. I bet Tommy only wants to do this shit, because he really wants Beyonce to teach him the Single Ladies dance. Tommy, it ain't worth it. Sashay away from this mess and take your black catsuit with you. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Growing up, we had a family of possums that lived on the hill in our backyard and never once did I look at those marble-eyed, dog food-eating marsupial gremlins and think to myself, "I really want to see that bitch kill it on a snowboard." But thankfully somebody did and now Ratatouille, the snowboarding opossum, is the unofficial mascot of the Liberty Mountain Resort in Carroll Valley, PA. One possum snowboarding on the slopes is one less possum hissing at your backyard dog. Who cares if he's higher than a crackhead rat standing on its tip toes and who cares if he's wearing a dog sweater from Petco, this bitch has skills. Sochi 2014 is HIS! Shaun White is punching himself in his ginge bush for not buying a refundable plane ticket to Russia. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Edie Brickell (46) | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
PROGRAMMING NOTE: Thanks to a long ass flight from New York to California, this will probably be my last post until tomorrow. Because my system shuts down if I don't get a Sourdough Jack, a Double Double and Albertson's brand potato chips in me every few months, I'll be in California for the next two weeks. For now, I leave your ass with this vintage video of Jamie Foxx giving us the body electric as he breaks it down like his ass crack is hungry for a dollar. I'll try to recreate these moves at a Jack in the Box drive-thru later tonight. (via OMG BLOG) Mimi's messy ass lamb appreciation video looks like a lost scene from Paranormal Activity (Paranormal Lambtivity?) - Lainey Gossip Nothing says "bad ass bitch with a gun" like duck lips - The Superficial I don't know if that's St. Angie's natural holy glow or if one of her beauty secrets is using anal lube as moisturizer - Hollywood Tuna John Lennon is up in heaven, queefing with pride over this - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Is that an 8-pack or is he trying to smuggle 8 bars of coke past the border? (LiLo, take note) - Towleroad Dennis Quaid's third time at marriage was not a fucking charm - Celebitchy In a closet somewhere, a green velvet Jessica McClintock 80s prom dress is missing its sleeves - Popoholic Gonorrhea of the throat ain't no joke - ICYDK And Joe Pesci will try to rob it this Christmas - The Berry Jessica Biel's got a bump on her hitchin' finger and maybe a bump on her baby growing area too? - Popsugar Blue Ivy is probably literally turning blue, because Beyonce keeps suffocating her with damn blankets and shit - Crunk + Disorderly Everybody give a gold digger slow clap to Dick Van Dyke's 40-year-old wife - Just Jared A reporter walking into a pole. The end. - Videogum What in Carmen Sandiego meets Disney parade dancer Hell is Naomi Campbell wearing? - I'm Not Obsessed Who isn't Katy Perry humping on in Paris this week? - Hollywood Rag Because every pet has a little Lindsay Lohan in them - Cityrag I don't know if this kid should play Michael Cera in a Michael Cera biopic or if Michael Cera should play this kid in a this kid biopic - The Daily What | |
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