The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- In Case You Missed It, Jason Trainwreck's Video Love Note For Brit Brit
- Open Post: Hosted By Cynthia Nixon & Rojo Caliente's Official Wedding Portrait
- Shirley Manson Will Not Have You Beating On Women At Garbage Shows
- Clint Eastwood's Daughter Is Getting Death Threats For Killing A Birkin Bag
- Kim Kartrashian Accuses British Airways Of Stealing "Sentimental" Crap From Her Luggage
- Madge Covers CaCa Covering Madge
- Good Morning, Here's Craig David Working Out (Because He Obviously Never Does That)
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For May 25th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
| In Case You Missed It, Jason Trainwreck's Video Love Note For Brit Brit | Top |
| So, I used to have this boyfriend who liked to call me "kitten" ("Does anybody know where I can find a vampire to glamour that thought from the storage unit in my brain?" - you) as a joke and one time I was playing my voicemails on speakerphone in the break room of my job. Just as my boyfriend said "Hi kitten, it's me," my supervisor strolls in and says something like, "I know you're not a 4-year-old white girl and I know that's not your father. That voicemail is completely inappropriate and nobody other than you needs to hear that. Shit, I don't even know if you need to hear it." She had a point. That's sort of how I feel about this video message one of Brit Brit's owners, Jason Trawick, uploaded for the whole world to see. It's supposed to be sweet, but to me it looks like a cross between a death bed goodbye video and a hostage situation video. Either dude got into Brit Brit's pill stash or he's bleeding from the butt and slowly falling into a coma while recording this mess. Even his tongue sounds drugged up. I mean, that lisp.... via NYDN | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Cynthia Nixon & Rojo Caliente's Official Wedding Portrait | Top |
Here's the First Ladies of the Ginger Gayelles posing for their official wedding portrait, which I'm hoping they gave to People in exchange for a generous donation to the Save The Gingers Foundation. For the most important royal wedding in history, Cynthia Nixon wore a custom made pale green Carolina Herrera dress and Rojo Caliente wore a custom made suit from Men's Warehouse and a tie from Friar Tux's Lucky Bitch collection. They chose green as their wedding color to remind us all that Cynthia's the second luckiest human alive for getting to curl up into Rojo's piping hot arms at night and Rojo is the first luckiest human alive for getting to be Rojo Caliente! This beautiful portrait is really what you find in the bottom of a pot at the end of the rainbow. A glossy copy of this stunning portrait is the prize you get when you turn a four leaf clover into your local lottery office. The next time I go to a Home Depot, I better see this picture in stained glass on all their front windows. It's that magical and that holy. I think I just had an SM (spiritual movement)! | |
| Shirley Manson Will Not Have You Beating On Women At Garbage Shows | Top |
| Don't let the 10:01 time clock fool you. It takes Shirley Manson only a couple of minutes (starting at the 0:34 mark) to lay into a dick bag for punching a woman behind him for reasons unknown. While performing "Stupid Girl" at the House of Blues in Atlantic City, Shirley pressed the pause button on that bitch to throw a few fuck words around while verbally slapping the lady-hitting shit wad. Shirley handled it so well that I almost didn't notice that she's wearing one of Tank Girl's outfits. And I know what we're all kind of thinking the same thing: CHRIS BROWN IS A GARBAGE FAN? What a world! via ONTD | |
| Clint Eastwood's Daughter Is Getting Death Threats For Killing A Birkin Bag | Top |
Since Terry Richardson is obviously Tyler Shields' idol, he needs a signature theme, because Terry has a signature theme (yes, cumming on the faces of barely legal models is a theme). Tyler's signature is butchering overpriced luxury items and as those of you who watched the most recent episode of Mrs. Eastwood & Company (alternate title: The "Why Are You Letting This Happen, Clint? WHYYY?!" Show) know, he took pictures of his girlfriend Francesca Eastwood destroying a $100,000 Birkin bag with a chainsaw and fire. Since I can fart into a glove and call it art, Tyler is also calling this art and some bitches just don't understand HIGH ART like this. After Tyler posted the pictures of Francesca destroying the Birkin bag on his site, bitches sent her death threats on Twitter, because that's reasonable. TMZ posted a few of the dingles of hate that were thrown at Clint's 19-year-old daughter:
This is just a cycle of dumb bitch fuckery and how did it come to this? How did it come to dumb bitches spending $100,000 on a stupid purse that isn't made of Prince Hot Ginge's pubes and unicorn placenta and signed by Lisa Frank herself? How did it come to dumb bitches wasting their keystrokes by sending someone death threats on Twitter for butchering a bag that is probably a fake anyway? How did it come to me knowing that Francesca's stepmother Dina Eastwood took her to shop at Marshall's to teach her that you don't need to spend thousands of dollars on a nice purse, because I actually watched this episode of the tragic piece of boring shit that is Mrs Eastwood & Company? The last one is the saddest one, I know. | |
| Kim Kartrashian Accuses British Airways Of Stealing "Sentimental" Crap From Her Luggage | Top |
You'd think that Kim Kardashian would be grateful to the airlines for always breaking the "all beasts over 20lbs must fly in cargo" for her family by letting them fly in the first class cabin, but apparently she isn't and has accused British Airways of snatching irreplaceable shit from her checked-in luggage. I guess Kim's duffel bag ass was already overstuffed, because that's usually where she keeps all her most valuable items (examples: a back-up rubber face, the heart of a virgin goat in case her creator Lucifer unexpectedly shows up to ask demand another sacrifice, etc..). After a flight from France, Kim opened up her bag and was so shocked and whoreified to find some of her shit missing that she was Tweeted (via DM) about it. The bitch who has no shame shamed British Airways for allegedly stealing from her:
Hmmm... I wonder what happened to those days? THIS DUMB BITCH. But leave it to Kim to turn a "woe is me" moment into an opportunity to whore her shit show out. Pimp Mama Kris teaches her hos well. We shouldn't assume that Kim is just setting shit up for her sex tape with Kanye to eventually leak, because I refuse to believe those two sex on each other. They tried once, but they kept fighting over who gets to be on bottom so they can themselves in the ceiling mirror. I'm guessing that one of the valuable items stolen from Kim's luggage was the perfume necklace full of Ray-J's piss she takes wherever she goes. Kim dabs a little on her body to remember where her fame came from. Bitch is sentimental like that. | |
| Madge Covers CaCa Covering Madge | Top |
| File this under: Some All About Eve shit. Madge will start twerking her muscled prune crotch for the children in her MDNA tour in Tel Aviv this Thursday, and over the weekend someone uploaded rehearsal footage (via HuffPo) of her showing us that some things get better with age, like all-natural cuntiness. Remember when the gays had to take sides (I chose the side marked "Stacey Q FOREVER") after Lady CaCa Xerox copied "Express Yourself" and labeled it "Born This Way"? Well, Madge is keeping the bitchiness going by performing a mash-up (I like to call the Reductive Remix) of "Express Yourself" and "Born This Way" followed by "She's Not Me." If that isn't a subtle chancleta slap to the tuck, I don't know what is. Madge earned a AARP black card for that brilliant cunt stunt move. Do it, Madge! Put that copy + paste bitch in her place and let her know that abuelitas are never EVER the one. Here's a few pictures of Madge giving us some Granny Got Your Gun moves during rehearsal two days ago. | |
| Good Morning, Here's Craig David Working Out (Because He Obviously Never Does That) | Top |
Some of us are just coming off of a long weekend where we shoveled piles of cake pieces and charbroiled meat patties marinated in beer into the eating holes on our faces until we bloated up like vaporizer bags full of lukewarm farts (special thanks to face eater expert J. Harvey for making it possible for me to do so), so what better way is there to start this Monday (camouflaged as Tuesday) than by looking at pictures of Craig David flexing the six pack on his nipples in Miami over the weekend. If you feel bad about only picking up 2-liter beer jugs this weekend instead of picking up a barbell like Craig David here, don't! It's true that the Gods above allow humanity to have only a certain number of muscles total, so we're doing Craig David a favor by giving him our shares. I don't have muscles so that Craig David can have more than enough. You're welcome, Craig David! If you're still trying to figure out who the hell Craig David is, I should tell your ass that he used to be known for singing, but now he's known for being a muscle hoarder. Craig David is also what your last name would be if you had a three way marriage with Daniel Craig and Larry David. Good to know. And if torsos like greased up sticks of delicious beef jerky don't do it for you, I also threw in pictures of Gabrielle Union warming her nalgas in Miami yesterday. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For May 25th! | Top |
Don't worry, one will have many offspring but the other will have zero, so it balances out. - GingeMinge Runners-up: Due to the low budget for "Signs 2," Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix had to be replaced. - Rosemary Young The Illumaniti's secret photo of Blue Ivy's birth parents. - daisy100 via Break | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
No, Bruschi the 4-year-old Boston Terrier from Texas doesn't hold the Guinness World Record for the dog with the longest meth addiction, but he does currently hold the record for the dog with the biggest eyeballs. Bruschi's got the Cisco Adler nutsack of eye domes! Bruschi's owner Victoria didn't think of his "crackhead's eyeballs trying to jump out of its sockets after a 10-day bender on the wrong stuff" seeing globes until her friends started commenting on how it feels like he's NOM NOM NOMing on their souls or like they just told him the most SHOCKING news ever. So Victoria submitted an application, measured Bruschi's eyeballs in at 28 millimeters in diameter and Guinness gave her the news that he's officially the Bulge Eye Dog King!
Bruschi is a record and he's also a lucky bitch for being in good soul-eating eyes company with STAINS and James Haven! (Eat your fingers if you're throwing "Brian Peppers'" name into that list, because that's just not right.) via Arbroath | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
La Toya Jackson (56) | |
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