The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Bieber's Got A Gun
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Afternoon Crumbs
- Open Post: Hosted By 2 Hamsters, 1 Wheel
- Kelly & Dylan: The Sitcom
- So Prince Hot Ginge Was Partying With Paid Whores Too
- Randy Jackson Gets Demoted From Judge To Mentor
- Tori Spelling Popped Out Another One
- LeAnn Rimes Isn't Really In Rehab, Is Suing Her Haters For Invading Her Privacy
| Bieber's Got A Gun | Top |
Justin Bieber tweeted this picture of him playing with a gun on the set of Selena Gomez's new movie and I don't know what's more disturbing: The Lesbeaver trying to look like the hardest member of a toddler lesbian gang when he really looks the opposite of bad and you just want to grab that toy gun from his tiny hands, pat him on his floppy head and tell him to go to tell his mommy to change his Pamper because it's starting to stank. Or am I more disturbed by the demons of the Illuminati showing themselves in Selena's eyes? That's the look you see on a bold and dark-sided raccoon's face when you catch it going through your trash and it don't care. I think I'm equally disturbed by both. This picture shows us that it makes the demons happy when babies play with guns. And Bieber kept the disturbing images trend going by tweeting this picture of his new kween crown tattoo.
Well, at least he got a Photoshop artiste to erase the naked Usher standing behind him. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Pizza Hut's Squirting Crust Pizza! Pizza Hut Malaysia has finally solved the biggest dilemma facing cum sluts today. Many a cum slut would love to bite into a juicy pizza, but it's hard for them to put their mouth around something that won't shoot a load of sticky white gooeyness into the back of their throat. But now, sluts can have the best of both worlds thanks to Pizza Hut Malaysia's new squirting crust pizza. When you bite into that long mound of dough, a glob of processed cheese and sauce made from chemically produced tomatoes will plop into your mouth. Then later when you're rinsing the nasty taste from your mouth with Listerine, you'll feel whole again. Thank you, Pizza Hut Malaysia! Because most of us like our pizza like we like our dudes: doughy and oozing out cheese. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Bill Kaulitz (23) | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Yes, ASkars can still bring on the panty pudding even when he looks like he's having a constipated moment on the toilet - Just Jared JLo and Casper the Friendly Gold Digger need to get themselves some umbrella hats - Lainey Gossip I just called to say I love you...but not in a gay way - Towleroad If you woke up this morning and shouted, "I really want to see some girl from iCarly in a bikini," then please have a seat over there and look at these pictures while I tell Chris Hansen he can jump out of the pantry now - The Superficial Our Lady of Cheetos is in a bikini and showing us her exquisite taste in home decor - Hollywood Tuna Lady CaCa derp-ing with her titties out - Drunken Stepfather The future Mrs. Chad Kroeger is still making clothes for angsty tweens from 2001 - The Berry The National Enquirer is publishing entries from Taylor Swift's Strawberry Shortcake dream diary again - Celebitchy This will only work if Justin Bieber plays Anastasia Steele (I hate myself for knowing the character names) - ICYDK It was nice of Amanda Seyfried to pick up whatever is left of Lindsay Lohan's dignity - Celebslam Hilary Duff really needs one of those 80s t-shirt clips to really complete the look - Popoholic A very subtle attack of the clones - Cityrag Milla Jovovich is a regular Lindsay Lohan - Hollywood Rag Forget getting arrested for head butting your wife of a minute, nothing is worse than finding out that you're not in Madden 13 - Crunk + Disorderly You know Taylor Swift-Kennedy wanted to show up wearing a pillbox hat and pearls - Popsugar Yes, you can find man nalgas in a place called Beaver Falls - (NSFWish) OMG Blog Sage Stallone didn't die of an overdose - I'm Not Obsessed | |
| Open Post: Hosted By 2 Hamsters, 1 Wheel | Top |
| So...this is what it's come to: a video of 2 hamsters double teaming a wheel. On that note, I'm off to get day drunk at the beach and hopefully you'll get drunk with cuteness from this video. Just try not to think of Richard Gere's b-hole having ecstasy seizures while watching this hamster porn. via VVV | |
| Kelly & Dylan: The Sitcom | Top |
Just like Clare Arnold's wonk eye, my soul dramatically fell to the side yesterday when a rumor went around that Kelly Taylor was rubbing her bull dozer vagina all over Dylan McKay's California Raisin face. It looks like that rumor was just a STUNT QUEEN move to promote the sitcom that Jennie Garth and Luke Perry are shopping around. Jennie's rep once again told Rumor Fix that she's not screwing on Luke and they're just working on some dumb TV show together. The rep said, "They have been spending a lot of time together recently because the two are working on developing a TV sitcom together. It will be a multi-camera half hour show, currently we have producers and writers and are meeting with networks." Gross. The only thing worse than Jennie and Luke being an actual couple is them making a baby together in the form of a TV show that will obviously play on TVLand (aka the retirement home for 90s TV stars). I just want to take Jennie and Luke's TV show for a walk in the park and say to it, "Why are you doing this to me?! I hate you! Never show up on my TV again!" | |
| So Prince Hot Ginge Was Partying With Paid Whores Too | Top |
We already know that Prince Hot Ginge's naked party in his VIP suite at the Wynn in Las Vegas had appearances by his red pepper nipples, lines of coke, hos high on shrooms and weed, and now some source tells Radar that there were also pussy peddlers and drug dealers in the room. So basically, PHG's party was like every other party in Las Vegas. In Las Vegas, the only way to snort a line of the bad shit is to snort it off of a leased twat. The source says that on the night PHG was partying hard, he got a text from his coke dealing friend who was in the suite. The coke dealer pretty much live-texted the party to the source who had this to say about that night:
Can we just get the inevitable out the way and say that the afternoon after the party, PHG woke up in a puddle of monkey piss to find a dead hooker in the bathtub, a family of goats in the closet and a baby in his duffel bag. We've pretty much seen this movie! And I CAN'T with that hooker. In front of her was a drunk Prince Hot Ginge, a whole lot of drugs and his handlers were too busy getting lap dances from one cent skanks to do the job they were paid to do. Why didn't that pussy peddler drug PHG, sneak him out of the hotel and drag him to the nearest chapel to marry his ass and become an instant princess?! Shaking my head at that hooker. It's truly a sad day when a whore drops the ball. | |
| Randy Jackson Gets Demoted From Judge To Mentor | Top |
As expected, American Idol has taken the dawg out back and he won't be at the judge's table to hold down Mimi when she tries to butterfly punch Nicki Minaj's wig off. TMZ is hearing that Randy Jackson's judge's chair has been pulled out from under his ass and the producers are giving him the mentor role instead. The producers don't really want to give Randy the mentor role, but they're afraid that the world will stop spinning if he doesn't have someone to say "yo dawg, yo dawn, yo dawg, I wasn't feeling it, yo dawg, yo dawg" to all the time. The producers are looking to get the ass cheeks of a country star, like Keith Urban, in the third judge's chair and they also want to cast a fourth judge. Kanye West was talking to the producers at one point about having a seat at the judge's table, but that's not going to happen. So sadly, Ryan Gaycrest won't get a natural tan when Mimi and Kanye's egos rub together and sparks a wall of flames that shoots toward the stage. TMZ's source says that the producers aren't sure who should get the fourth seat, but I have two suggestions. Since they're just throwing piles of money at Mimi and Nicki, they should save a few coins by casting a plastic Randy Jackson bobble head doll that says "YO DAWG!" on a loop or they should try to get the empty RNC chair. If that empty chair can handle getting yelled at by Dirty Harry, it can totally handle those tone-deaf singing kids. | |
| Tori Spelling Popped Out Another One | Top |
Tori Spelling and her possum-eyed husband Dean McDERPott have a 5-year-old named Liam, a 4-year-old named Stella, a 10-month-old named Hattie and now they have a 15-hour-old named Finn Davey. So as you sip your morning cup of java-flavored liquid meth, take comfort in knowing that at any given time, Tori's either got a baby falling out of her cooch or Dean's peen falling into her cooch. Last night, Tori posted a picture on her website of a newborn's hand holding on to her finger (the baby diarrhea nail polish was a nice touch) and added the note:
Yeah, Liam, Stella, Hattie and Finn Davey. That reads like the character list of a lost Tennessee Williams play or like the fake names of the servers at a Mark Twain-themed restaurant. Tori's uterus is probably letting out a long sigh of relief because it's finally getting a moment to itself, but it shouldn't get used to being alone. Because as soon as Dean's peen looks at her for longer than ten seconds, she'll be knocked up again. Those Mon Calamaris are fertile bitches. | |
| LeAnn Rimes Isn't Really In Rehab, Is Suing Her Haters For Invading Her Privacy | Top |
The entire bikini industry is shaking out of their string bottoms, because their number one ho LeAnn Rimes is off soothing her splintered nerves somewhere. TMZ says that LeAnn is getting help for anxiety, but she isn't in rehab. LeAnn is in a Monday through Friday therapy center of some kind where she's learning how to cope with anxiety and stress. It's not really rehab, because LeAnn can leave on the weekends and she gets to keep her phone. Oh, rich, famous whores. When they get stressed out, they go to a luxurious spa with an advice booth for 30 days. When the rest of us get stressed out, we take a bath, pop half a Xanax and fucking deal. TMZ says that LeAnn became an anxious stick in a bikini when she spotted a wild snake at her hooves and galloped back to her stable. No, apparently there's a group of haters on Twitter who are firmly on Team Brandi Glanville (aka Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife) and are constantly throwing hate at LeAnn for slipping Eddie's wedding ring off with her snatch. Since crazy runs through LeAnn's system instead of protein, she constantly fights back at her haters on Twitter. This past spring, LeAnn got together with some of her Twitter friends in real life (????) and decided to call two of her haters to work things out. The two haters, Kimberly Smiley and Lexi Smiley, taped the conversation and then splattered it all over the Internet. In the tape, LeAnn bashes Brandi, but she claims that Kimberly and Lexi edited that shit together. LeAnn is now suing the both of them for invasion of privacy. And that's why LeAnn is on the edge of having a meltdown. LeAnn, Kimberly and Lexi need to check into a junior high school for 30 days, because a) that's where their crazy asses belong; and b) that's where beyond stupid shit like this is usually resolved. Bitches swear they're in Mean Girls. Meanwhile, a source tells Radar that LeAnn is getting help for her anxiety issues, because she thinks Eddie is passing his peen to another and she's been stressing out about it. It really shouldn't surprise LeAnn if Eddie is dipping his noncommittal dick in the cooch wells of other tricks, because he's Eddie Cibrian and that's just what he does. I could understand if LeAnn is stressing out over that, because she's dickmatized and dickmatized hos usually go into panic mode when they think they're going to lose some good dick. But freaking out over Twitter? I have seen some of the tweets that LeAnn's haters send her and they do go extra hard and act like she fucked their man. Yes, LeAnn would probably fuck their man if she could, but I'm guessing she hasn't, so it's really not that serious. But if LeAnn can't take all the Twitter hate, she should use her fingers to explore a button called the DELETE button. Bitch doesn't need therapy, she just needs someone to show her how to delete her damn Twitter account. I swear, it's all fun and tweets until some crazy fame whore ends up in a luxurious therapy spa for 5 days a week. | |
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