The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 26th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- "Shut Your Little.... Don't Make Me Get The Spoon Out!"
- Your Man Mike Rowe Spoke At A Romney Roundtable Today
- Night Crumbs
- Open Post: Hosted By DanRad Getting Drunk
- Where Do I Pick Up An Application?
- Who Wore It Better?
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
Which A list female singer was having some alone time with a stripper/escort and doing some oral activity when our singer puked all over the stripper/escort. Good times. Hey, at least our singer tipped well. How do you compensate for that though? (CDAN
Which two daytime talk-show co-hosts smile and chew the fat when the cameras are rolling, but as soon as the show is over they don't even speak? The chatty ladies can't stand each other and that's left their other co-hosts stuck in the middle. Who are they? (The National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
Which deceased TV icon hid his gay lifestyle so well from fans and industry associates that not a single person approached his longtime lover at his funeral to offer condolences? But now the secret's getting out – and one of his famous former co-stars from the classic sitcom they starred on intends to reveal all the juicy details in a tell-all book. (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
There's a casting change coming up on this reality show! This woman was originally brought on board to support the controversial star of the show. There are several problems, though. She and her husband are too broke to do or travel anywhere exciting; they are too boring to add anything in the way of storylines; and they have not been able to develop a passionate fan base. So while the star moves up, she will just be moved out. That's the way the cookie crumbles! They will still appear on the show occasionally next season, but she will no longer be an official cast member. Since she faked her wealth to be on the show in the first place, we're sure that she will make up some sort of excuse as to why she got fired as well. (Blind Gossip)
"I love when I get on a plane and leave my husband and kids behind. Most of the time I never want to go back. I only go back because I have no other place to go. I am always happiest when I am away from them all." B list actress/celebrity with A++ name recognition. (CDAN)
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| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 26th! | Top |
Despite repeated warnings, he was completely unprepared for the reality of dating Taylor Swift. - HamilcarRules For his Birthday Andrew secretly wished to spend the whole day inside a Pink Taco. Unfortunately for him his fairy godmother wasnt hip to urban slang. - Ashton Cruz June gives in and buys Honey Boo Boo an actual gay guy........Mr. Glitzy .... - fleawatch via Izismile | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Tard the Grumpy Cat! A Redditor has been posting pictures and some videos of my new favorite crabby pussy who always looks like a dog just wet farted in his Fancy Feast and did it with a smug smile. You know how some of you keep a wallet-sized picture of your fuckery soother of choice (examples: an economy-sized bottle of vodka, Little Debbie Zebra Cakes spread across a furry tiger face bedspread, a funnel used for buttchugging booze, a bong mask, a Marcia Brady wig that you brush over and over again, etc...) in your pocket so no matter how bad your day is, you know that there's a stress reliever waiting for you at home? Well, you should also keep a picture of Tard in your pocket. Every time an annoying trick makes your last nerve splinter, you can pull out Tard's picture and thank him for accurately portraying your feelings with his grumpy ass facial expression. Tard is always looking like Ron Swanson ten seconds after you woke him up from a nap. And yes, he's probably forever grumpy, because his name is Tard. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Phoebe Price (AGELESS!) | |
| "Shut Your Little.... Don't Make Me Get The Spoon Out!" | Top |
A few years ago, bitches lost their minds and called all the numbers to Child Protective Services when Kate "The Kunt" Gosselin was caught by the paps spanking a member of her child army on the driveway of her house. Well, a reporter named Robert Hoffman tells Star Magazine (via Radar) that Kate got a lot more hardcore than just a spank on the nalgas. Mady, Ady, Pady and the rest of the Gosselin children don't have to worry about writing a Mommie Dearest-like tell-all in 15 years, because apparently Kate kept diaries where she wrote all about how she whooped some 2-year-old ass. Robert is writing his own book (DUH) called Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World and he wrote it using some of Kate's journals that he somehow got a hold of (SPOILER ALERT: Her old possum head hair betrayed her by giving them to him). Robert says that in one entry, Kate writes that when the kids ate some M&Ms without asking, she pulled Collin up by the hair and spanked him into a different race and back again. In another entry, Kate wrote about how she regularly used a wooden spoon that she called The Spanker. And Radar goes on with the fuckery:
In an abuelita's belt of whoopin' tools, I've seen a rubber chancla, a leather chancla, several kinds of belts, electrical cords, a switch and tree branches of all sizes, but I don't think I've ever seen a wooden spoon. You know, Kate Gosselin is an evil, greedy bitch who would repeatedly punch a baby bunny if someone told her it was filled with quarters, so none of this is surprising, but I have a question about the wooden spoon thing. Does she have a special spoon she uses just for spanking or does she use the same one she mixes cake batter and oatmeal with? Because if it's the latter, that's just unhygienic and barbaric! | |
| Your Man Mike Rowe Spoke At A Romney Roundtable Today | Top |
| Mike Rowe, the host of both Discovery's Dirty Jobs and many of your conscious fap dreams, took a break from swimming in shit rivers in the sewers to say stuff at a micro-manufacturing victory roundtable hosted by Mitt Romney in Bedford Heights, Ohio today. Romney invited Mike Rowe to the roundtable after Mike sent him a letter saying that this country needs to show more support for the blue collar workers. Mike sent the same letter to Obama in 2009, but didn't get a response. So at the roundtable today, Mike said that we need to show more appreciation for the blue collar workers of America and try to make those jobs more desirable before robots from China replace US ALL! Mike never officially endorsed Romney, but I can't say I'd be mad if he turned around, dropped his pants, spread his cheeks and showed us the Rowe 4 Romney tattoo he has on his prune lips. USA Today has a rundown of what basically came out of Mike's mouth today:
The only thing I have to add after seeing Mike Rowe stand next to Mitt Romney with all those serious faces in the background is that it might take me a while.... and I might have to take breaks.... and I'll definitely have to give myself a pep talk every few minutes.... and I'm going to use every possible lube in my kitchen cabinet, but I'm going to find a way to fap to this. And that is the dirtiest job of all. (vid via Buzzfeed) | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
Rooney Mara got to make sweet mouth love with the inside of Ryan Gosling's arm and call it work - Lainey Gossip In exactly 9 months, we'll see pictures of Olivia Munn with an engorged mound on her arm. It won't be a tumor, it'll be ASkars' baby - The Superficial Google Street View: Water Edition should hit the East River next so the mafia will have to find a new place to dump bodies - Towleroad iCamelToeShield coming soon from Apple - Hollywood Tuna Kylie Minogue's ass crack makes an elegant appearance - Drunken Stepfather Woe is Tommy Girl - Celebitchy I'm pretty sure Ted Danson's boner knocked out that bottom button - Popoholic JWoww's engagement ring looks like some shit from Claire's - ICYDK 27 reasons why most hos shouldn't take on the catsuit - The Berry The moment Mila Kunis realized she has godknowsfuckingwhat of the lungs after swimming in the East River - Popsugar This fly is Fly - SOW Kids in Breaking Bad costumes. That is all. - Videogum Tina Fey as Holly Golightly - Just Jared Spaz de la Huerta did it first, did it better and I don't think the ghost caught Gonorrhea from her - Hollywood Rag I really need to buy a house where pussy falls out of the faucets - Cityrag If you play this on mute, it kind of looks like he's having violent sex with a ghost - OMG Blog "Diamonds" sounds more like CZes - I'm Not Obsessed | |
| Open Post: Hosted By DanRad Getting Drunk | Top |
Last year, Daniel Radcliffe said that he and booze were taking a break from each other, because his guzzling of the sweet nectar had gotten so out of hand that he regularly woke up naked, trapped in Hagrid's beard with a mouth full of what he thought was pond slime. But BREAKING NEWS, DanRad and the sweet nectar have reunited and are back together again. A post on Tumblr (via ONTD) says that a minor Gaelic* team were out celebrating their win when they ran into DanRad walking the streets of Dublin at 4 in the morning. They invited him back to their house and he came. (* Pronounced: GAY LICK. Let's put that into a sentence. Michael K's boss at the envelope licking factory is so fucking rude that when she wants him to stop talking and get back to work, she screams, "Gay, lick!") DanRad sort of looks like a hipster Gollum here. Dude got so drunk that he drank himself into a different fantasy series. But you know, these dudes obviously weren't that drunk. They weren't drunk enough to get DanRad to take all his panties off and climb into that bowl so they could all give him a sponge bath with booze. Missed opportunity. And if I was there, I would've gotten high merely from watching this sassy trick in the background tell a bitch off. | |
| Where Do I Pick Up An Application? | Top |
File this under: Shit that reads like the plot of a messed up romcom starring Katherine Heigl and Hilary Swank. A billionaire property magnate from Hong Kong has offered up a $65 million reward to any man who can successfully lure away his 33-year-old lesbian daughter from her wife. FINALLY, my dreams of becoming a beard AND a successful gold digger can come true. This can really work especially since many a bitch has told me that I look like a middle-aged Chinese butch lez. Business Insider (via Towleroad) says that the daughter Gigi Chao (on the right and her Facebook is here) married her partner of 7 years Sean Eav (on the left) in France on April 4th, but her father Cecil Chao denies that a wedding ever took place and he refuses to accept his daughter's wife into the family. Cecil Chao is so desperate to make his daughter straight that he's willing to part with $65 million of his own money and he doesn't even care if the lesbian-turner is poor or rich. The only thing Cecil wants in a son-in-law to be is a dude who is kind in the heart and is a hard worker who wants to start his own business. Cecil, my future father-in-law, put it like this:
I've only been in a Subaru twice, I hate going to Home Depot and plaid flannel doesn't look good on me because it's too busy for my facial features, but I'm willing to change all of that to be richer than Honey Boo Boo (I'm convinced she's a secret millionaire and is faking the poor for maximum media attention)! But seriously, this could be like the lesbian version of Ang Lee's The Wedding Banquet. I'll move into Gigi and Sean's penthouse and we'll all pretend our way to millions! I'll even do a beard apprenticeship with Kelly Preston for a few months to learn how to be the best beard ever. If my father-in-law ever walks into my Hong Kong penthouse and catches me with a peen in my mouth, I'll just tell him that his heterosexual daughter and I are heterosexual swingers and I always test the peens she's about to suck on, because I respect him too much to let his heterosexual daughter suck on nasty-tasting dicks. He'll believe me, this will work and we'll all be rich! | |
| Who Wore It Better? | Top |
On the left is a green insect that you will find a way to shoo outside if you found it crawling on your kitchen floor and on the right is a green insect that you will find a way to shoo outside if you found it crawling on your kitchen floor (hint: just throw a black dildo into your backyard and it'll go running after it). Kim Kardashian posed with Pimp Mama Kris at some Midori event in L.A. last night wearing a green velvet disco dress that only looked good on all of our moms when they wore it in 1978. Of course the green beetle has this and I didn't even need to ask. There's no competition. At least if the beetle wanted to shed its shell, IT would be the one doing the shedding, the shell wouldn't shed it. The same cannot be said for Kim Kuntrashian's ass. When Kim climbed into the back of an SUV, her dress couldn't take the pain, humiliation or pressure anymore and tried to quit her double down ass by ripping itself off of her body. Or Pimp Mama Kris is off camera pulling invisible strings attached to that dress to give Kim her own Sofia Vergara STUNT QUEEN moment. Yeah, probably that. | |
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