The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- The Morning After
- The New Cast Of Dancing With The Has-Beens: Nip & Pussy Slips Galore!
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For February 6th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
| The Morning After | Top |
| The new Bobby Brown , Chris Brown (wait, are they related), turned himself into the police last night for allegedly smacking down an " unidentified chick. " I've got a little of the Sylvia Browne power in me, so I'm going to predict that the victim's name begins with an R and ends with an ihanna. I know, my SLYCIC powers are astounding. So, Chris was booked and released on $50,000 bail shortly after turning himself in. Even though RiRi hasn't been confirmed as the victim, the security guard at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles told the NYDN that he saw the alien princess entering the joint for treatment. She left a little while later. A source said that Ike and Tina '09 were fighting inside the car and RiRi got out to walk the fuck home. She probably said " shut up and drive " and he wouldn't (sorry). The source went on to say, " Things got physical. He hit her, possibly more than once. She had multiple bruises ." RiRi's glorious tenhead better be pristine or I will never stick a piece of Doublemint gum in my mouth again. There's a few rumors as to why Chris busted a fist on her royal alienness. One source claims RiRi accused him of checking out whores at a party. Another source claims RiRi gave Chris the Wonky McValtrex Virus (aka herpes). I'm not sure about the herpes defense. If everyone in Hollywood slapped a ho for giving them the herp, that town would be filled with busted up, beat down skanks. Oh, wait.... It kind of is..... I'm sure today will bring many answered questions. Chris is already practicing how to cry on cue during his apology interview to Ty Ty Banks (I pray Ty Ty gets the interview). And RiRi is already shooting a PSA for battered alien princesses. And I am the only one who thought it was ironic that RiRi's Grammy performance was replaced by Al Green singing " Let's Stay Together "? | |
| The New Cast Of Dancing With The Has-Beens: Nip & Pussy Slips Galore! | Top |
| I know, I know. It's way too early for Lil Kim's overcooked Shrinky Dink face, but get used to this precious mug. It will grace your television screens twice a week beginning in March, because Kim will be part of the new cast of Dancing for Relevancy ! The entire cast was announced last night and I recognized 90% of the has-beens or never-wases! Most of them still aren't "stars ," but if you combine all their fame together you might get half of a star, so the producers are getting close! I'm calling it right now that Lil Kim is going to win that 99-Cent store trophy at the end! The bitch probably dances like a chipmunk with a heated curling iron up its ass, but her face will kill the competition. Literally! On the first episode, everyone's going to gather on the dancefloor, take one look at Kim and either a) blackout b) run for cover or c) try to eat her face off to stop the madness. Either way, Kim has got this. And think of the nip and pussy slips! The FCC is going to make it mandatory just to cover up her whole body (and face) with a giant censored bar at all times just in case. Anytrannywiththirddegreeburns, the rest of the cast pretty much gives Ambien a run for its sleepy money. Here's the rest: Belinda Carlisle - Kim and Belinda can bond by injecting cooking oil into their faces together! David Alan Grier - Think Cloris Leachman but less charming and with more annoying shenanigans! Jewel - This won't save her soul or her career. Lawrence Taylor - WHO?! Shawn Johnson - Nasty Nastia totally passed this mess and Shawn was the next best thing. Gilles Marini - If he doesn't flash the peen here like he did in Sex and the City , then I'm not interested. Ty Murray - Jewel's husband and that's about it! Chuck Wicks - See Lawrence Taylor. Steve-O - Steve-NO is more like it. Nancy O'Dell - Could have been worse. Could have been fucking Lara Spencer! Denise Richards - Get ready for cunt eyes and moves like paraplegic ice cube. Steve Wozniak - THE WOZ! He belongs on America's Next Top Teddy Bear You Want to Cuddle , not on this shit. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For February 6th! | Top |
| Life questions to ponder: Which came first? The weed or the shitwreck? - Hoozer Runners-up: "Naw, I ain't worried. I may be up shit's creek but I got a paddle's in my trunk." - NitWitty Friends don't let friends use Alli and Drive. - RecessVillain If you're a dumbfuck who has a sinking truck and you still have time to lean out and smoke.....you might be a redneck. - cwpinati | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Ashley from Rock of Love Bang Bus - Now that DJ Lady Tribe is long gone, I need a new skanky favorite and I have found in the government check version of Juliette Lewis (that's saying EVERYTHING). Not only does Ashley have amazing detective skills that rival Jessica Fletcher (more on that later), but I'm still quoting her daily: " People puke and poop their pants! " | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
| Judith Light (60) David Gallagher (24) Mena Suvari (30) Ziyi Zhang (30) Amber Valletta (35) AJ Discala (38) Travis Tritt (46) Jim J. Bullock (54) Ciaran Hinds (56) Mia Farrow (64) Alice Walker (65) Joe Pesci (66) Carole King (67) | |
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