The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Pepaw Ed Is In The Hospital | Top |
| When Ed McMahon almost lost his caramel square kingdom last year and his gold digging wife used the shit out of their AMEX card, I figured 2009 would be a better year for him since 2008 was full of suckery. Well, I figured wrong, because Ed is laid up in the ICU and it's not looking pretty. Pepaw Ed has been in the hospital for weeks with that evil ass devil known as pneumonia sitting on his lungs. TMZ says condition and is really serious and one bitch close to Ed said, " It's not great, to say the least." I realize that Ed has a case of the olds, so he might have to shuffle off to the great beyond soon to co-host The Heaven Show with Johnny Carson , but he can't go like this. It's just sad. Somebody get your ass down to Ed's bedside with a bunch of balloons and a check for one million hugs. Okay, that last sentence was sponsored by KRAFT. It'll taste even better between two slices of fried bread. | |
| Sarah Welch Is Suing Over This | Top |
| You might remember this AMAZING!!!1!!! (KOTD, see below) clip of Sarah Welc h from The Bachelor falling through a hole in the catwalk during a runway show on October 18, 2007. Well, the ho is suing over it. TMZ says Sarah filed a lawsuit in Santa Monica court claiming she suffered injuries to her body and nervous system from the fall. Bitch is suing for negligence and wants cash! That hole in the catwalk is pretty big, but the black hole in Sarah's head is even fucking bigger. This dumb bitch! I mean, what nervous system? In related news, I just filed a lawsuit against Sarah Welch in the court of foolios, because I busted a McRib from laughing so hard at her stupid ass falling in that hole. I am seeking at least 4 items from the dollar menu as damages. | |
| AMAZING!!!! | Top |
| In today's extra special edition of " What Would Kanye Say? ", the voice of this generation gives us his words of wisdom on the RiRi/Brown beat down of '09. Previously, Kanye said he was "devastated " and that RiRi could be " the greatest perform in the world." This time, Kanye thinks we should all just give Chris Brown a little pat on the head, because everybody makes mistakes. During a taping of Vh1's Storytellers on February 13th, Kanye said to the audience, "Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life ." I know a lot of people that want to give Chris a break. A break in his fucking face! Kanye went on to say, " Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing. ... He's a real fuckin' person; he makes mistakes. O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing, though?" A child toucher, a bong lover and a lady killer. What do they have in common? Kanye West thinks they are all AMAZING! You know who Kanye doesn't think is amazing? Thom Yorke of Radiohead ! According to Kanye, SQUID BRAINS Thom snubbed his ass backstage at the Grammys. Kanye said, " So when he performed at the Grammys, I sat the fuck down. " Oh, Kanye. I want you to be great. Help me help you BE GREAT! If you want to be great, just sit the fuck down, torture your MacBook Air....and keep spewing out AMAZING comments like this shit every hour on the hour! Seriously, Kanye's words of crazy make my world (and eyeballs) go 'round! P.S. - The Kanyeism of the day is: AMAZING!!!1!! VIA MTV | |
| Jakey Sings! | Top |
| Jakey Gyllenhaal will finally get the chance to sing and dance his little girl heart out in a big gay musical! My asshole is blowing rainbow-covered bubbles in anticipation! Variety says that Jakey and Jim Carrey in the big-screen version of the Broadway musical Damn Yankees for New Line. In case you don't take it up the butt, let me fill you in on what Damn Yankees is about. You see, some fat old slob named Joe Boyd who dreams of seeing the Yankees get beat by the Senators at the World Series. The devil appears and offers to make Boyd's baseball dreams come true in exchange for his soul. Boyd agrees and is transformed into the hunky piece of hot meat known as Joe Hardy, a slugger for the Senators. Boyd loves his new life but misses sis hag of a wife Meg. He starts to have second thoughts about the whole thing. Boyd is able to break the contract before the end of the World Series, so the devil sends a hot slut named Lola to try and seduce him into keeping the deal. Jim Carrey will play the devil and Jakey will shake his nalgas as Joe Hardy. Yes, Jakey wearing a jock strap in the middle of a locker room filled with naked dudes. This shit is one step closer to realizing your dream of Jakey starring a hardcore gay porn. Damn YANK ME! Basically, Charo was born to coochie coo as Lola. That role belongs to her. Or La Pequena . | |
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