The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- The Real Housewives Of OC: "L.I.F.E. With Vicki" Is A Sinking Ship
- Kanye West Wants The Rainbow Back
- The Photoshop Awards: Aubrey O'Day On Playboy
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For February 11th!
- A Back Alley Plastic Surgeon's Dream Couple
| The Real Housewives Of OC: "L.I.F.E. With Vicki" Is A Sinking Ship | Top |
| It was business as usual on last night's Really Plastic Housewives of Orange County . Jeana and her hairy gay escorted her daughter to Berkley and gaped at the " bummers. " Gretchen went on another vacation to get away from all " the stress " she's suffering due to her sick sugar pepaw. And Lynne continued to be the dumbest piece of greasy beef jerky in the county. As for Droopy Dog's doppleganger, she hosted a cruise for her new company called L.I.F.E. with Vicki . HA. It REALLY stands for lunatic in fugly earrings. Vicki's cruise was basically a nightmare at sea. It was 8 hours in an ugly cruise ship conference room with Vicki talking about how she became a huge success by selling life insurance. Yeah, bitch is the Ron Popeil of the dead money business. I'm surprised the boat didn't fucking sink from her one hundred ton ego. The next time that bitch has a cruise, I am totally there. Not because I actually care about life insurance, but because getting drunk and watching Vicki possibly eat the floor will make my life's dream come true. The fifth housewife, Tamra , traveled to Iowa with her rapey-eyed son to visit her estranged daddy. Tamra really brought out the raw emotion while bonding with her daddy, but unfortunately for her, the spotlight was stolen by Cousin Nancy . This bitch is so fucking sophisticated that I could smell Kools and White Shoulders wafting off of her and through my screen. Somehow, Cousin Nancy was able to pry herself away from her usual hooking spot at the truck stop to join everyone for dinner. Rapey Ryan immediately attached himself to her. He was practically dropping GHB into her mouth with his eyes. And she was dropping them right back. Ryan knew he was no match for Cousin Nancy in the creepy as fuck department when she told him she had a mouse. When they couldn't find it, she grinned and said, "pussy must have ate it ." Signed, sealed, delivered! Throw this bitch on the back of a semi-truck headed for the O.C. This fine lady neeeeeeds to be the next housewife. Seriously, if only you could bottle elegance like this. Clip below: | |
| Kanye West Wants The Rainbow Back | Top |
| If you're a straight bitch and you suddenly have an intense craving for the genitals of the same sex, just look away from this picture and your symptoms will go away. Anygay, Sway over at MTV asked Kanye West about this pussy puckering picture taken during Paris fashion week. Kanye explained it all. It's not in CAPS, so those of you who finally became fluent in Kanyeism, may have trouble reading it. It doesn't feel like Kanye if he's not breaking his MacBook Air over it. I'm gonna tell you something about the Paris pic. They was like, some of the people dressed in the outfits, I didn't check out everybody's outfit that hopped in the picture with me — I can't be completely responsible. You go right into my outfit, my outfit is good. Let me tell you another thing about ... I'm doing a blog right now where I've been collecting all of the freshest stuff that's rainbows — Denver Nuggets jerseys, BAPE shoes, Nikes with rainbows on 'em — and saying, "Man I think as straight men we need to take the rainbow back because it's fresh." It looks fresh. I just think that because stereotypically gay people got such good like style that they were smart enough to take a fresh-ass logo like the rainbow and say that it's gonna be theirs. But I was like "Man I think we need to have the rainbow" — the idea of colors , life and colors and stuff, I mean how is that a gay thing? Colors? Having a lot of colors is gay? Kanye can't take the rainbow. He's going to have to rip out of my cold, hard ass lips. And just when he thinks he has it, sparkly unicorns are going to gallop out of my ass and bite at him. This will be pretty easy since glittery pink fairies will also fly out and hold Kanye down. The rainbow fucking stays. But seriously, what in BENJAMIN BUTTON'S RAINBOW hell is this bitch talking about? Oh, how I just want to skip into Kanye's brain and spend one day there. It's like a funhouse of pure fuckery! | |
| The Photoshop Awards: Aubrey O'Day On Playboy | Top |
| If Heidi Montag fell in a big tub of caca (aka Spencer's gaping a-hole), stumbled out and landed on a white chair, this is what it would look like. It's Aubrey O'Day on the cover of Playboy looking so fucking beige. Maybe this is what Heidi Klum pooped out (see below). While they were Photoshopping her tittays to look like the Mona Lisa's forehead, couldn't they splash some damn color on her. That being said, if I had ass warts (check the free clinic for proof that I don't), they would be leaking puss tears of joy at Aubrey's slut success. Our little slutbag is growing up to be the biggest whore the world has ever seen and this is making me so proud. Playboy today, sucking dick in a dumpster for a half-eaten Egg McMuffin sandwich tomorrow! The whore's the limit. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
| Heidi Klum looks like she's taken a happy naked poo on the cover of GQ Germany - Egotastic! Is this Megan from Rock of Love biting on a big dick? What will Lily say?! (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather The busted up RiRi pic everyone is sending me is fraudulent - TMZ TRASH - Hollywood Tuna Kenny Chesney didn't sign up to be called gay, but his outfits did - Towleroad Cover girl Zac Efron is topless. I bet he puts concealer over his nips - Just Jared HUH: Lady CaCa walks around with her crotch out so that her grandma can see her - Hollywood Rag Barf inducing - Lainey Gossip Jessica Simpson is happy, keeping the faith, blah blah blah - Popsugar Lezzies understand Hilary Swank - Cityrag | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For February 11th! | Top |
| A Back Alley Plastic Surgeon's Dream Couple | Top |
| A couple that butchers their face together, stays together. That's always been my motto and that's why I think Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love make sense as a couple. The Daily Mirror says that Loki's daddy and crazy's favorite customer have been licking on each other's surgery scars for the past three weeks. A source said, "Mickey texted Courtney totally out of the blue, around the time of the Golden Globes, asking to take her out for the night. They met up in secret and had an awesome evening. Let's just say they didn't stop at holding hands and a chaste peck on the cheek. " I bet watching them fuck is like watching a hot dog slowly explode in the microwave. But I'm sure they understand each other like no on else can. When his face spontaneously falls off the bone, Courtney will know exactly how to put it back on. When Mickey's asshole dries up and dies when Courtney is tossing his salad, they will just laugh it off together. When Mickey's jizz load refuses to come out because it's scared of the fugness, Courtney will understand. All these things have happened to them before, so they already know each other. That's true love. Just as long as they don't spawn. Don't fucking spawn. If Eric Stolz in Mask still gives you night terrors, then pray to the Baby Jesus for strength, because a Courkey baby will make your stomach jump out of your body, run to the kitchen, grab a knife and poke your eyes out to stop the pain. Here's Loki's new stepmommy, the Queen of Disaster, trolling around in London lst night. | |
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