The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Etta James Is A Regular Comedienne | Top |
| This is not the response I wanted from Etta James about the " ass whooping " she promised to bestow on Beyonce for singing " At Last " at Obama inauguration. In a telephone interview with the NYDN , Etta said, " I didn't really mean anything. Even as a little child, I've always had that comedian kind of attitude. ... That's probably what went into it ." No, what went into it was a few grams of the bad shit! Etta went on to say that she felt left out of the Inauguration and that she probably could have sang the song better than Beyonce. When asked about saying Obama has " big ears ," she again said she it was all a joke and that she thinks he's handsome. Etta continued, " That might be horrible. The President might not ever like me in life ." I'm guessing that Basement Baby paid Etta a little visit and handed her an envelope. Etta opened it and found a note on Sasha Fierce (made from 100% ego fibers) stationary that said, "It's backtrack time! Love, Daddy Knows. " In the envelope was also a stack of unmarked bills and an 8-ball cut with Benefiber. Etta cunt-cunt-can't (c-word slip) say no to an 8-ball. Etta needs to bring back the cunty old lady I fell in love with. Now that was a good look. The correct response would've been, "Fuck Beyonce! I'm old and I'll say what the fuck I want. Now, are you going to snort that last line? " | |
| This Bitch Is Asking For It | Top |
| Jennifer Aniston will star in a movie called The Baster . As in, turkey. As in, Aniston just hand delivered a pile of jokes to every fucking comic in the world. Variety (via Coming Soon ) says that Michael Bluth aka Jason Bateman will co-star in the comedy about baby making. I bet Aniston thinks it's going to be a documentary. That's how they got her ass. Bitch is going to be fucking disappointed when she only gets a certified " FLOP " stamp when the movie opens instead of the turkey baster baby of her dreams. The Baster is about "a neurotic and insecure man (Michael Bluth) who finds out his best friend (Maddox's arch rival) wants to have a child through artificial insemination. He surreptitiously replaces her donor's semen with his own and is then forced to live with the secret that he is the child's real father ." Sperm shenanigans! Who the hell is managing Aniston's career? Maddox must be behind this shit. The next time she meets with her manager " Larry Craft, " she should open up his suit jacket! I'm sure she'll find Maddox sitting on Pax's shoulders. FOILED! Who else would advise her to do movies that do nothing to help her " I have nightly play weddings with my cats" image. Jenny needs to stop with these stupid ass comedies. We need more of The Good Girl shit from her. Honestly, that movie wasn't bad. Besides, she could do ten million comedies and they would never live up to the genius that is Picture Perfect . | |
| Tony The Tiger Hates Stoners | Top |
| File this under: this shit makes me want to wake 'n bake! That's the truth. So, Kellogg has quit Michael Phelps over that measly picture of him taking a bong hit. I hope the evil slut who sold that picture never enjoys a ride on the green cloud the same way again. AND USA Swimming also got in on the Stoner Phelps H8ING action yesterday by suspending him for 3 months without pay. Don't worry. He'll be able to support his herbal goodness since I'm sure she has a kazillion dollars in his checking account already. The USA Swimming issued this stupid statement : " This is not a situation where any anti-doping rule was violated, but we decided to send a strong message to Michael because he disappointed so many people, particularly the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero. Michael has voluntarily accepted this reprimand and has committed to earn back our trust ." Michael won't really miss any swim time fun. His suspension will end right before the World Swimming Championships in Rome, so dolphin boy will be able to compete in that shit. Now back to Kellogg. Tony the Tiger is DEAD to me. That bitch has the audacity to pull that shit! I'm sure pictures of him freebasing with Thai tranny hookers are floating around and I must find that shit, so he knows what it feels like. And Tony is a total damn pothead. A self-hating one! We all know it. Only stoners say shit like " grrrreeeeat! " Fuck that stupid ass tiger! Bitch needs to take off that gay ass scarf and smoke on that! Dumb pussy. Furthermore, I will not be using Kellogg products to satisfy my high munchies any fucking more. I will be using some generic brand of corn flakes to make another version of the delicious white trash nachos (microwaved corn flakes and cheddar cheese). Those motherfuckers are stupid. Their demographic is probably children and stoners! Phelps needs to swim on over to the Frito-Lay company. They would pay him in green leaves, because they know what's up. | |
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