Thursday, February 12, 2009

Y! Alert: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

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The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

An Act, Crack, Or Crazy? Top
The unabomber's homeboy (Letterman's words, not mine) sat with David last night and this shit was all sorts of uncomfortable in a "Is this even funny ?" kind of way? Usually, when I watch some shit, I get one major reaction, but that wasn't the case with this. It was funny, then pube-pulling akward, then just weird. Did the spirit of Andy Kaufman jump into Joaquin's body? Is this all part of his douchy performance-art piece? Is he freebasing RAID? Is there a straitjacket somewhere calling his name? Or is he just fucking completely done and over it? If he's had it with Hollywood, why is he going through the motions? He looks like he'd rather take a bubble bath (and that's saying a lot) than sit there with Dave. And I couldn't tell if Dave was in on the joke or playing along. I co-sign David's closing line, " Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight. " I've been saying that shit for the past month since this flea-ridden madness started. You know, Joaquin recently made a movie with Fishsticks Paltrow . That answers many questions in my head. Overexposure to Fishy Paltrow has this effect on people.
 
I Want Mah Cut! Top
I'm surprised it took this long, but some dumb (and really hot) bitch filed a bunk ass class action lawsuit against Miley Cyrus for making fun of Asians in the picture you've seen a trillion times. I've seen this shit so many times that the half-empty shelves in the mirror's reflection is really starting to bother me. That's bad Feng Shui. If you're going to pretend to be Asian, go all the way. TMZ reports that Lucie J. Kim is asking for $4 billion! Oh, Lucie J Kim. The crazy bugs have burrowed inside your brains and ate them away, but I love you 4 billion ways. Lucie claims she represents over 1 million Asians in L.A. County who want to get paid $4,000 each for Miley's fuckery. Lucie says that each Asian should get the minimum for a civil rights violation. In her lawsuit, she says when Miley made that face she " knew or should have known that her image would be publicly disseminated via the media, which Cyrus knew focused on her private life, specifically TMZ ." Nuke up the lube! Finally, I have found the money to buy a custom-made Mah Boo Anderson Cooper real doll! Technically, I don't live in L.A. and I'm half Asian, but who cares about stupid details! The only thing that matters is that I was highly offended and hurt by Miley's mocking of Asians. $4,000 will ease the hurt. Every time I look at her, I get a bad case of the runs and have to take a boiling hot shower to erase the pain she has caused me. Okay, she had that effect on me before I saw this picture, but again, petty details don't mean anything when we're talking about me possibly " canoodling " with the Mah Boo real doll of my dreams!
 
FEED ME, SEYMOUR!!! Top
MY EYES! MY ORGANS! MY EVERYTHING! I think my body is fucking shutting down and checking out of this bitch after looking at pictures from TMZ of OctoMommy taken 8 days before she popped out her litter of money babies. Any ovaries you had just shriveled up in fright and it probably took your uterus with it. Fuck, I think I grew ovaries just so they could dry up in terror. This is some LITTLE SHOP OF HORROR'S shit! And don't even make me think of what her stomach looks like after. It's probably a million light years beyond FOPA (fat over pubic area). It's probably SOKA (skin over knee area). Remind me to never EVER have eight kids.
 
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For February 11th! Top
I can has ... Naw, even I no wants that cheezburger - Jul3s Runners-up: The only time in my life I'll say "thanks but no thanks" to an all-you-can-eat buffet. - ISprainedMyUvula The Hamburglar meets his long lost twin, Turdburglar. - Team Valtrex Hey Mom its Bobby college is fun.. I have awesome new roomate I found him on a street smoking an intresting tube like object His hair is funky and he smells very odd Must be a Foreigner!!! Anyway heres a picture of us having a wild one Tell grandpa I said hello and NO mom ... I dont need any extra toilet paper Xoxo - Flatbush Hooker IS BACK
 
Hot Slut Of The Day! Top
Helen Thomas - Dean of the White House press corps and overall bad ass bitch who doesn't take shit from anyone. For Mattchew
 
Birthday Sluts Top
Christina Ricci (29) Sarah Lancaster (29) Fonzworth Bentley (35) Darren Aronofsky (40) Meja (40) Josh Brolin (41) Chynna Phillips (41) Ed Lover (46) John Michael Higgins (46) Arsenio Hall (54) Joanna Kerns (56) Maud Adams (64) Judy Blume (71) Franco Zeffirelli (86)
 

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