The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| American Idol: Ring Of WTF | Top |
| Why didn't Johnny Cash appear in a ring of fire to punch Adam Lambert in the mouth and then burn that " Mad Max gone wrong " jacket over his body?! Adam's performance of "Ring of Fire " made my ring of fire (I'm putting cream on it) throb in pain. Bitch gets an A+ in trytoohardy, but if you weren't smoking some of Paula Abdul's secret recipe through a hookah, you were probably trying to figure out what the hell was going on up there. Paula was definitely the only ho who was on board with that shit. You would be too if a magic carpet appeared at your feet and flew you through Adam Lambert's boyfriend's sparkly sweater during that slaughter-filled performance. It was like orgy music that will make your peen go limp. Speaking of, when Adam tried to bring on the sexy, I had to go to Bible.com, put my hand on the screen and pray that I never experience anything like that ever again. That being said, Adam needs to stay. Well, that glittery Shrek creature with Sonic the Hedgehog hair is at least making me feel something. The rest of those boring bores only make me crave oatmeal made with tap water. The judges need to be put on a bus and sent to Insanity Town, because they were busting loads over the wrong whores. I mean, Danny Hokey ?! That bitch needs to go back to the early 90s cartoon he came from. I'm so tired of him and his ten million glasses. And of course he sang "Jesus Take The Wheel. " Of fucking course. Danny is at the wheel and taking the fools for a ride! That's some manipulative shit! I wouldn't even buy it if Mah Boo Anderson Cooper wrapped it up and dangled it from his shiny peen. No. I would rather Anooooooooop win than Danny and that's saying everything! Anoop is like a big GAP hoody to me. He's comfortable to most, but I don't want that shit anywhere near me! And he really does wear a lot of hoodies. I think he's in cahoots with the hoody people. As for my predictions. This is kind of hard since most of them brought the MEHS in heavy doses last night. But I'll say Michael Sarver, Alexis Grace and Megan Joy Cokrey will find themselves holding hands and shit as the bottom 3. My guess is that Megan Joy DORKEY will be swept back under the rug. I keep waiting for her ass to get all angsty, but she keeps doing these hokey ass songs. Bitch needs to shit out the Hallmark Card already and bring on the ragey-ness I know she has inside of her. And I think Paula's added a few things to her secret tea last night, because the crazy was extra-babbly. She also needs to let Kara take a swig, because maybe that will loosen up her damn lock jaw. Seriously, I want to jump through the screen and pry that shit open with the jaws of life. Actually, I think it's better if I pry it shut. | |
| Morning Wood | Top |
| Eric Nies got all naked to save a drowning puppy! The puppy and Eric's peensicle are doing fine - TMZ Tea bagging the White House ! - Buzzfeed Dumb useless whore comments on dumb useless whore - Celebitchy Replace " heart " with " dick " and then this makes sense - ICYDK David Alan Grier is taking this way too seriously - SOW The Paula Abdul trading card can also be used to cut up lines of the bad shit! - ICYDK Instead of finding a worm at the bottom of Justin Timberlake's tequila, you'll find a dirty tampon - Socialite Life Bob Dylan's stank shit is blowin' in the wind - Holy Moly! Taylor Hicks is giving it away for free - OK! Magazine | |
| Sad Puppy News | Top |
| Earlier this month , Oprah adopted two golden cocker spaniel puppies, Ivan and Sadie , from the PAWS Shelter in Chicago. Oprah showed off her new puppies on her show shortly after she brought them home. The blonde chick with the newscaster hair is holding Ivan and Oprah's got Sadie. Well, I have some sad puppy news, Ivan is now in heaven after he passed away over the weekend. Ivan had that evil doggy disease called PARVO. Sadie is still alive, but is very ill. Oprah has flown in a team of specialists from around the world to treat Sadie. Okay, I lied about the flying them in part, but I'm sure Oprah will not let the Parovirus fuck with her life again! Oprah released this statement to the Chicago-Sun Times : "I'm saddened by his passing though we only had him for a weekend. I remain hopeful that Sadie will pull through ." And in related news, the PAWS Animal Shelter of Chicago disappeared in a black cloud of smoke late last night. | |
CREATE MORE ALERTS:
Auctions - Find out when new auctions are posted
Horoscopes - Receive your daily horoscope
Music - Get the newest Album Releases, Playlists and more
News - Only the news you want, delivered!
Stocks - Stay connected to the market with price quotes and more
Weather - Get today's weather conditions
| You received this email because you subscribed to Yahoo! Alerts. Use this link to unsubscribe from this alert. To change your communications preferences for other Yahoo! business lines, please visit your Marketing Preferences. To learn more about Yahoo!'s use of personal information, including the use of web beacons in HTML-based email, please read our Privacy Policy. Yahoo! is located at 701 First Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94089. |
No comments:
Post a Comment