The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- And Now JLo Is Drunk...And High
- Mah Pappy Is Holdin' Me Prisonah!
- The Photoshop Awards: ScarJo's Moet & Chandon Ads
| And Now JLo Is Drunk...And High | Top |
| Topshop and Topman opened in NYC last night and I have to start by telling the power bottoms out there who might not know about this shit that this is NOT a place where hundreds of tops are lined up for your pleasure. I made that mistake when I was in London. I was promptly escorted out by security when I asked where the dick was. It was all very embarrassing. At last night's opening, Kate Moss and JLo came mouth to cheek. This gross moment is making my stomach crawl up to my throat, but I hope it was good for JLo. Like I hope she got high off of Kate's fumes, because bitch needs it! Maybe if JLo got a hit of the bad shit, she would stop making " I got a doody bubble and it won't come out" face. Actually, a taste of the bad shit might make it worse. I seriously will be willing to put on an entire box of Hazmat-approved rubber gloves so that I can pop JLo's doody bubble Bobby Brown-style. Maybe then will she stop making that annoying IHasFarts face. And if Chuck Bass chased the dragon, caught it, stumbled into a fruit dehydrator and passed out in there for a few weeks, he'd come out looking like Skeletor . Methinks Skeletor thought plaid would make him look like he's a member of the living. He thought wrong. | |
| Mah Pappy Is Holdin' Me Prisonah! | Top |
| All the coockoorochas (as my mom calls them) from Brit Brit's past life were back in court yesterday to deal with the restraining order against Sam Lutfi. They all had to get on the stand and say a bunch of words to convince the judge to either cancel or extend the order. During the hearing, Sam's lawyer John Anderson , told the court that the Cheetoling feels like she's in prison and that Daddy Spears is giving her emotional distress. If that's fucking prison, then handcuff me to Daddy Spears, search my cavity (you might find that sock you lost in the wash last week) and lead me to the land where a pot of Velveeta grits is cooking on the 24! You can't get that kind of deliciousness in real prison. And if you did, a bitch cut your face with a shank for it. Brit Brit needs to turn off My Big Redneck Wedding and watch more Bad Girls. Then she'll be schooled on what real prison is like! In a super surprising move (slap me with your eye roll), Brit's lawyer testified that her client didn't want to be anywhere near Sam Lutfi and his caca-eating face. When Brit tried to get away from him, Sam threatened that he'd release some scandalous shit about her daddy. I'm guessing the "scandalous shit" involves Daddy Spears' peen in a bowl of grits while wearing Brit's " Hit Me Baby One More Time" outfit. That's not so shocking. Not when it's done by a Spears anyway. Brit's lawyer went on to tell the court that a voicemail going around isn't Brit Brit, but she believes that it's really the voice of Angelica Pickles from Rugrats . That bitch was always jealous of Brit. No, Brit's lawyer said she thinks the voicemail is a falsity and isn't her client's voice. The court will hear closing argument in the neverending restraining order dramaaaaa on April 21st. The STAY THE FUCK AWAY order against Sam has been extended until then. And in sad sad sad sad sad news, Dollhouse Dude did not attend yesterday's hearing. I should take that as a sign. I mean, when Dollhouse Dude stops giving a dick about this shit..... Source: USWeekly | |
| The Photoshop Awards: ScarJo's Moet & Chandon Ads | Top |
| If you haven't had a few sips of your morning boiled meth tea then you might think these are pictures of Amanda LePore's doll . Amanda's dolly would look more lifelike than this fakery right here. This is ScarJo in some new ads for Moet & Chandon . When a champagne bottle has more life in it than the bitch it's posing with, then maybe it's time to take your mouse to " Quit Photoshop ," walk away from the computer and go look at actual living things on the street. Your perspective have been fucked with. This bitch has candle face! Not only does she have the personality of an unlit candle, but now she looks like one! If only they could invent some kind of Photoshop tool they could use in movies to give the illusion that ScarJo is actually a good actress. Photoshop her fucking acting! Then the bitch would be complete. | |
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