The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Twitter Saves Lives
- The Real Lady CaCa Emerges
- This Is What Mah Boo Will Wear To Our Wedding
- Morning Wood
| Twitter Saves Lives | Top |
| Demi Moore's head is like powered by Twitter or something. The ho lives, breathes, eats, sexes, farts, queefs, cacas Twitter. Twitter all day and night for Demi Moore. She's like the queen of Twitter, so it makes sense that a lady would cry for help to Demi. Last night, the lady sent that message above to Demi. Demi immediately re-posted that shit on her own Twitter which made some of her ten million followers call the po po in San Jose. The woman left another message saying " gbye...gonna kill myself now." The San Jose Police Department said they received a ton of calls from whores all around asking them to look into the possible suicide. The police found the lady and said she had not hurt herself. They took her in to "get evaluated ." After Demi found out the woman was psychically fine, she wrote: "Thanks everyone for reaching out to the San Jose PD i am told they are aware and no need to call anymore. I do not know this woman. I am inspired by the enormous response of humanity here and thank you… It is my understanding that the situation was not a joke and that through the collective efforts here action was taken to provide help!" SEE! Twitter saves lives. So the next time your kid pesters you about not feeding him for the past four days because you've been too busy with your Twitty friends, just shoo him away and snap, "I'm saving lives here!" Actually, just Twitter it to him. He'll get it eventually. Once he does, he'll completely understand and will shuffle off into the corner to chew on the baseboard for protein. VIA Access Hollywood | |
| The Real Lady CaCa Emerges | Top |
| Throw it back into the fucking sea! I never thought I'd ever ever write this, but I'd rather share a McNuggetini with Lady GaGa's droopy cooch than look at this herp-crusted piece of rotten Mahi Mahi. That's how much this wonky skankwhoreslutbitch makes the caca boil up into my throat. It probably tastes better than her toxic chocha juices. And is that a piece of lattice fence she's wearing?! Extreme WHORE Makeover! On a positive note, at least those glasses cover up her busted wonky eye! However, Geordi La Forge called and said Wonky can keep those things. The CDC already warned him. | |
| This Is What Mah Boo Will Wear To Our Wedding | Top |
| The Iowa State Supreme Court ruled this morning that a ban on same-sex marriage is gross and struck that motherfucker down! That bitch got banished back to the dark ages. This will make Iowa the fourth state that allows gays and lesbians to attach a ball and chain to their ankles legally! Hoo-RAY! The Associated Press summed up the Supreme Court's ruling: " The court reaffirmed that a statute inconsistent with the Iowa constitution must be declared void even though it may be supported by strong and deep-seated traditional beliefs and popular opinion." The court's ruling will take around 21 days to be made final. The Polk County Attorney said they would not ask for a rehearing, so gays and lesbians could start getting married in just a few weeks! You know, when I first saw Austin Scarlett's corn husk dress on Project Runway , I knew this would be the perfect ensemble for Mah Boo Anderson Cooper to wear to our wedding. It goes with the dazzling silver field on his head. Now that Iowa is close to marrying the gays, Mah Boo in a wedding outfit made from corn is meant to be! Yeah, I know you're thinking I should wear that, but he has the legs for it. And don't worry! He's going to butch it up by pairing it with leggings and a blazer made out of corn kernels. I'll wear something made out of hay or oats. It'll be the perfect Iowa wedding! Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get him to lift that restraining order against me. He's always playing hard to get! | |
| Morning Wood | Top |
| Hugh Jackmeoff's wolf buns - Pink is the New Blog Carlos Santana is my hero - Celebitchy Kate gets to treat Jon like lukewarm caca for another season! - Popeater Bite her! Bite her! BITE HER ! - SAYOR Expect to see these Tommy Davidson pictures in the back of your newspaper in an advertising for a gay singles chat line - FreddyO Being delusional runs in the Hilton family - Holy Moly! Robert Pattinson looking like a baby Twinkie - Socialite Life Fuggie needs to trade in her 500 pairs of shoes for 1 paper bag - I'm Not Obsessed Moe from The Three Stooges is looking sexy - ICYDK | |
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