The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- GaGa Has A New Man?
- Afternoon Crumbs
- Ringless Russell
- Kardashian Tell All
- Someone Tried To Set LMFAO On Fire
- "Queen, You Are Fooling Exactly No One With This Butch Bitch Look."
- Open Post: Hosted By EPICMEALTIME
- Michael Lohan Is Sick In More Ways Than One
- Who Worked It Better?
- "Beyonce Birthin' That Pillow" Watch Begins
| GaGa Has A New Man? | Top |
Okay, real or undead, Lady Gaga apparently finally has a man! And might I add he is SEXAI. Thank God she can quit with the possibly bi/possibly try/possibly non/sexual thing and just MOVE THE FUCK ON. Here she is, snapped by TMZ with her boy toy, Vampire Diaries hottie Taylor Kinnie. Come on GaGa, we all need to get a little. Ray Charles saw this coming. TMZ says that they've been dating since he guested with her on the You And I video. Way to go Gaga, and Taylor! I'm just proud that you own a step-stool high enough to get to the top of her platforms! Or is it scaffolding? Whatever, doesn't matter. Congrats to the happy (unconfirmed) couple and I hope you can keep Gaga's no-pants stance to a minumum. Team ERRYBODY NEED TO GET SOME!! | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Kate Bosworth & Michael Polish go for a walk, and lord as fuck they look weak and hungry. If you Photoshopped Kate Bosworth holding onto a turkey leg, I bet her expression would magically turn into YAAAAAY! - Lainey Gossip RiRi's on vacation and passing gas through her face mouth - Hollywood Tuna FYI: Kelly Clarkson loves Ron Paul - Towleroad The beast on Tom Sturridge's face and the beast on Sienna Miller's head should get together - Popsugar The crack house version of the Addams Family - Hollywood Rag Michael Jordan is going to be somebody's husband again - Just Jared Someone named Claudia Galanti is giving you 95% of her nalgitas - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Business Cat vs. Chemistry Cat - Cityrag Robert Downey Jr. prefers his shoes Tommy Girl-ized - Celebitchy DILF alert! - ICYDK Alessandra Ambrosio Salad is knocked up again - Celebslam The Beverly Hills Jerri Blank is still in rehab - I'm Not Obsessed Since when does crack ruin a marriage? - The Superficial Twee overload is right! - The Daily What I really feel like Ali Larter's ass cheeks are speaking to me on a personal level - Popoholic Actually, I take back the Ali Larter comment above. I really think Kris Black's ass cheeks are speaking to me on a REALLY personal level - OMG Blog | |
| Ringless Russell | Top |
KatyRus / PBrand / Brandy? may be off for real. Oooh, two SNAPS in a Z formation for Russell. Katy Perry is not the only one who was spotted sans ring over the holidays. In ANYTHING YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER news, Russell Brand was also snapped in London without his TMZ reports that Russell was in the West Wing today, sporting a ring finger as bare as his wife's breasts on Sesame Street. This kind of makes me sad in a way, because if two total weirdos can't make it in this crazy world, what hope is there for the rest of us? I know Katy will find comfort in the arms of almost any man since she has that kickin body (that is until he actually talks to her, hears her "sing" or sees her in the morning) and Russell can score any chick with a crazy eye and overzealous hair fetish, but still. The holidays are a bitch, both for those of us who are single, or just want to shank our SO's. I hope they make it, just so I can continue to throw shade at their crazy asses. Russell and Katy, you are making the "marriage is for straight people only" side look bad. I hope you are selflessly doing it for the gays. ETA white tennies Russell? REALLY? Hipster fail. Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.00. | |
| Kardashian Tell All | Top |
OMG, pleeeease let this be true!! According to TMZ, an ex Kardashian nanny is currently shopping around a tell-all book about her years Hopefully, she won't cover all the old angles we already know and hate them for, such as the sex tape, underage pole dancing, Pimp Mama Kris's infidelity, Scott's womanizer serial killer face and their general knack for making money off of being no-talent slags. I want some new dirt dammit, like Khloe shaves with sheep shears and Kim cries her mascara off every night (looks like this) because she blew it with Reggie for leaking her dirty ho ass-gulping tape with Ray J. Some people may knock her for violating common decency and her contract of silence, but I'm on team MAKE THAT MONEY GIRLFRIEND. I mean, WWKKD? Exactly. Thank you PSL!! | |
| Someone Tried To Set LMFAO On Fire | Top |
Make jokes about these goons catching fire vs. the fact that some people had to be treated for smoke inhalation? This DListed shit is hard! I'll skirt the line. LMFAO is so bad that a true music appreciator risked his own life and liberty by setting fire to the auditorium at their concert in Honduras last night. I was feeling the exact same way at that Xtina show I went to, but I had forgotten my candle lighter, accelerant, and dry kindling. TMZ reports that smoke filled the Coliseo Nacional de Ingenieros arena as the band(?) was wrapping up their dope show last night. The Afro guy and the other one exited stage left and were unharmed, but 15 people had to be treated for smoke inhalation. Fuck, you sit through THAT and then you get your lungs tarred. No justice. Cops think a "criminal hand" (that's what I call the hand I fap with) set fire to the electrical system. As for the hammerheads in question (I mean LMFAO not the arsonist), "Redfoo" (I can't) Tweeted jokes about the show, and then realized 15 of his fans were laying on the lawn out front sporting oxygen masks. Dick backtracked an hour later.
Someone sue him. That was a psychotic and evil thing of the firebug to do. Does anyone else have a fear of stampedes in big crowd situations? The only smoke at a concert should be from Michael K. and Sweetas smoking their good shit (I normally abstain unless I WANT to be on the phone with Chinese take-out every five minutes until the food gets here). However. I bet if you took a poll of the audience after the assuredly horrible show, some of them might have shrugged and admitted at least understanding where Torchy was coming from. | |
| "Queen, You Are Fooling Exactly No One With This Butch Bitch Look." | Top |
The poster for the upcoming Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron flick, The Paperboy, has been released. Jadis and the REAL Pretty Girl are riding off to the Mac counter in their vintage automobile. The old-school look of the poster is doing it for me, but you can take Stoned Guy and John Cusack's Ted Bundy eyes out of it. Nic Kidman and Efron have GOT this, hunty! Yeah, she's supposed to be trying to morph her suspended animation face into "hot n' fun cougar" and he's trying to be a scaliwag young man aching to stick his dick in her. However, it actually reads as "boozy stage mom taunting her gay son over his asshole bleaching pain." I'd rather see THAT movie. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By EPICMEALTIME | Top |
| Since this is my usual morning routine, sans all that gross food stuff, this video was music to my bloodshot eyes. If you're not a professional though, you may want to consider covering the eyes of your internal organs while you marvel in the culinary delights of these upstanding citizens showing the world how brunch (and every meal, really) is done RIGHT. If after watching this you wake up in a bathtub full of ice because your heart and liver surgically removed themselves from your ass, don't worry. They're not gone, they're just hiding under the bed next to your old broken butt plug, pizza crusts, and the pile of Grannies Gone Wild mags. You're welcome. And can I get a round of applause for their note Bravo, and slow clap for my new heroes. | |
| Michael Lohan Is Sick In More Ways Than One | Top |
No, the picture above has nothing to do with the story, but it's fucking funny and humiliating and must be shared with the world. The human epic fail that is Michael Lohan is back in the hospital. Not for the genital warts, herp, and general petri dish that is is crotch area, or to surgically remove the cell phone holder that is welded to his waist. Radar Online says that on Tuesday, the original fuck up of the Lohan family collapsed during an AA meeting and had to be rushed by ambulance to Palm Beach Gardens Hospital where they found a blood clot in his lung. He's currently taking meds to break up the clot and having CAT scans and an MRI to make sure none of the clot went to his brain. Like anything would voluntarily go there, please. After they release him he'll go right back to his 120-day court ordered rehab. You know, the one the courts slapped on his stupid ass after he tried to Spiderman into the top of a tree to elude arrest. In December he underwent surgery to remove a blockage and open an artery in his heart (Milo has a heart? Who knew.) then had to go back to the hospital for a staph infection on the heels of that. Poor staph infection. And poor sickly Michael. At 51 maybe he should think of taking better care of his broken down ass instead of beating women and playing special needs Tarzan. Or he should just ask his daughter to utter the magic words "MOVE THAT CLOT, I'M LINDSAY LOHAN". I hope he gets well soon, just so he can continue to be an utter embarrassment to his family. On a related note, there are suddenly lots of openings for nurses at Palm Beach Gardens. To apply, send your resume to michaellohaninahospitalgownisnoreasontooffmyself.com. | |
| Who Worked It Better? | Top |
On the left is a Photoshop artiste's rendering of Lil' Kim Jong-Il, and on the right is a hot bitch who pretty much knows it won this battle without even clenching its anal glands and moving its paw. Kim tried to win this shit by getting a ho to Photoshop her arms until they looked like two twigs harvesting skunk testicles on them. (Seriously, Kim's arms are what a dick looks like when it does ass sex with a Kardashian before her daily crack wax and dingle cleanse.) But the poodle truly knows how to wear pube puffs on its limbs. Therefore, the poodle wins (like you didn't already know). And in case you a need a reminder on Photoshop's talent at turning fuckery into mega fuckery, here's the full promo tease from Kim's new album:
Bitch looks like a Barbie that became a new home to a family of woolly bear caterpillars after it was left out in the backyard. Kim even has that "forgotten Barbie" look about her. But I shouldn't hate, because I'm sure PayPal is tripling up their server since it's obvious that Kim's new album is going to top the PayPal charts! | |
| "Beyonce Birthin' That Pillow" Watch Begins | Top |
I hope they name it "Sobakawa Carter." Beyonce has reportedly checked into NYC's St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital on the Upper West Side to unstrap that BABIES!!! stand-in pillow. I kid, because unless she's been eating her and husband Jay-Z's weight in Taco Bell as a cover, she's got to be with child. CBS News (by way of Media Takeout) says that a "celebrity VIP" is taking up half of the hospital's labor and delivery suite. It's supposed to be big enough to fit "three deliveries and a dozen overnight guests". Camera crews to record every second of this baby's birth for photo sales take up a shitload of room! We will keep you posted. Or Sweetas and I will. Michael K. just texted us from an Italian jail. He didn't get arrested, he's just there looking for especially skeevy dick. If this IS some faked pregnancy shit, I have questions. How in hell are they going to sneak that illegal immigrant girl into the hospital and fix her under Beyonce so it looks like the actual human child is coming out of Sasha Fierce's wooka and not the surrogate's? This poor thing has been holed up in a secret apartment under the pseudonym of "LeToya Luckett" and now she's about to meet B face-to-back-of-head! There's going to be some slapstick juggling when they try to get that Serta Memory Foam Pillow Beyonce has had strapped to her out of the way so they can hand Jay-Z the baby. You be sure and get that check for going through all this fuckery, illegal immigrant broodmare girl! | |
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