The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Open Post: Hosted By Jacko's Comeback
- Skip Lunch And Hit The Bottle Instead
- Snooping: Michael Strahan Is Doing It Wrong
| Open Post: Hosted By Jacko's Comeback | Top |
| Hold on to your boys, London, because the sexiest white lady in the game (sorry Brit Brit ) is going to take your town by storm! Lady Jacko fluffed up his Valentine by Raquel Welch wig, made sure his nose was on straight and sashayed up to the podium to announce the start of his This Is It concert at the O2 arena in London. Jacko will begin performances on July 9th. 10 shows will go on sale March 13th, but more may be added depending on how that shit sells. Jacko announced it would be his last concerts in London. If I got a shot of Jesus Juice every time Jacko said " this is it " to his plastic surgeon, I'd be touching myself day and night. I really don't know if Jacko's nose can take all that grinding and thrusting! Jacko better have an official nose replacer waiting in the wings at all times just in case. And since when did Jacko's chin have the butt of a 7-year-old boy on it. Has it always looked like that? | |
| Skip Lunch And Hit The Bottle Instead | Top |
| Pun intended. I'm honestly going to push the Cup-O-Needles I was planning to have for lunch to the side and gulp down a large vodka without the ice (it gets in the way) instead. You'll do the same after reading the mess Fox 11 (via TMZ ) got a hold of. Notes from detectives on the case state that the fight started when RiRi read a three-page long text message from some chick to Chris Brown . The two started fighting about the text and Chris tried to push her out of the car, but her seat belt got in the way. The notes go on to say that he pushed her head into the passenger window and began punching her while he was driving. Oh, he's a fucking multi-tasker. Chris allegedly told her that he was going to beat her even more when they got home. After that, RiRi called her assistant and told her to have the cops waiting at home. That prompted Chris to say, " You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you. " How fucking charming. It's like a kiss. The notes also state that Chris continued to beat at her, bite her and put her in a headlock. When cops showed up, there was blood all over the car on her clothes. It's been reported that since RiRi has gone back into his loving arms, she won't testify against him. But TMZ says that she told cops this wasn't her first time at the Chris Brown beat down rodeo. She said he had gotten psychical in the past, but the violence was getting worse. Today in court, Chris was charged with two felonies: assault and making a criminal threat. He could face up to 9 years of ass fucking in the clink if convicted on both charges. He's supposed to be arraigned this afternoon. And now I'm off to find a basket of baby bunnies to cuddle with. Seriously, every Chris Brown/RiRi story should come complete with something from Cute Overload . | |
| Snooping: Michael Strahan Is Doing It Wrong | Top |
| Ex-New York Giants player Michael Strahan is just a big ball of jealousy. Michael should take all the jealous energy in his body, melt it down, throw it in the oven, bake it at 450 for 3 hours, take it out, paint it gleaming white and chop it down into little squares. The man would be able to fill the gap in his teeth a million times over. He has a problem. Michael became so jealous of his ex-girlfriend Nicole Murphy , ex-wife of Eddie , that he installed two GPS tracking systems into her Range Rover. The New York Post says Michael suspected Nicole was stepping out on him, so he took matters into his own hands to track her car's every move. Michael has a history of this shit. His ex-wife claims he tapped her phones and installed a secret video camera to watch her sister undress. When Nicole took her Range Rover in to get serviced, they found the tracking devices. Nicole told them to remove that shit. Um. She should have taken those tracking devices and found a mountain lion to attach them to. That way Michael would go chasing that shit through the hills while she spreads her pussy all around town without worrying about him interfering with her orgasms. The funny thing is, Nicole has been cheating on Michael with Demetrius Spencer , some music executive, for a long ass time. They even went on vacations together! Nicole told Michael she was on " business trips. " Yeah, dick business. In fact, Demetrius was with Nicole at the mechanics when they found the devices in her Range Rover. They went on a romantic lunch while that shit got removed! After the GPS systems were taken out, Michael showed up to the garage and apparently went crazy. HA! That stupid ass. Fuck that GPS shit. Michael would have found out the truth if he just asked to smell that snatch. Has Riskay taught him anything? | |
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