The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Open Post: Hosted By A True Lady
- Something You Didn't Ask For: A Front Row Seat To Kanye's Thigh Show
- Peeta Bread Broke The Law Doing What We All Did When We Were 19
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Evening Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For April 27th!
- Open Post: Hosted By Fashion Shack, Y'All
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Big Hy (born name: Hyman Strachman), a 92-year-old World War II vet and retired stockbroker from Long Island who spends most of his time burning thousands of copies of bootleg movies to send to the troops overseas. While my supposed techie literate ass can barely burn a DVD without messing up, 92-year-old Big Hy burns thousands a month with ease like a boss. Proof that pepaws usually do everything better including burning DVDs! In a New York Times profile on Big Hy, he says that when his wife of over 50 years died in 2003, he a came across a website where soldiers stationed overseas can request stuff they'd like to have from the states. Big Hy noticed that a lot of the requests were for movies and that's when the copyright bandit was born. Big Hy buys bootleg DVDs of movies from a dude at a barbershop near his apartment. The DVDs were either recorded in the theater with a camera (audience coughs included) or they're leaked studio cuts. When Big Hy started out, he would copy each DVD one at a time, but now he has a $400 duplicator that burns 7 copies in minutes. At the height of his operation in 2007 and 2008, Big Hy sent out 80,000 discs a year. Big Hy estimates that he's probably sent out over 300,000 discs total since he started in 2004. Before you start thinking that Big Hy is making money from this to support his caramel square addiction, that shit ain't true. Big Hy is only doing it out of the goodness of his patriotic heart and in fact he has spent $30,000 of his own cash on discs and postage. Big Hy has never sold a copy and destroys the main disc as soon as he's finished with it. The troops give thanks to Big Hy by sending him notes and pictures. The MPAA told the Times that they're grateful their movies can bring a little entertainment to the troops and it doesn't look like they're going to go after Big Hy for snatching their shit. Big Hy says that now that the war is winding down, his days as PepawFlix to the troops are coming to an end and he'll have to find another hobby. When I first read this story, I was like, "So that's what the old man from Up! is doing nowadays." Speaking of Pixar, they should really make a movie about Big Hy (voiced by Ed Asner, of course) and then he can buy a bootleg of it at his barbershop and burn thousands of copies for the soldiers in Afghanistan! | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
| Michelle Pfeiffer (54) | |
| Open Post: Hosted By A True Lady | Top |
Some of you might need to cleanse your eyeballs of the extra chunky skankness left by Kim and Kanye, so open your eyes wide and let them feel the breath of fresh sophistication wafting off of "fitness expert" and "lifestyle consultant" Jennifer Nicole Lee (Google her, you dumb fuck!). Jennifer isn't only a beacon of refinement, she's also a fashion designer and she's the one who created that elegant dress which perfectly frames her Louvre-worthy tramp stamp. "Jennifer Nicole Lee You know your daytime dress is elegance personified when you can easily slip out of it just by rolling your shoulders forward. And I can't with you if you mistook Dlisted's newest Aphrodite for JLo. JLo could never bring it like this. | |
| Something You Didn't Ask For: A Front Row Seat To Kanye's Thigh Show | Top |
Kim and Kanye Kardashian's stunt queen parade in NYC made a stop at The Lion last night and he decided to really sell it hard by flashing his thigh while giving us his best Blue Steel (more like Rusty Tin). I know that when the paparazzi swarm him like this, his ego boils over and causes his body to overheat, but he needs to keep his pants up. Nobody wants to see that shit! Pimp Mama Kris obviously choreographed this move to make us all believe that Kim and Kanye are so hard up for each other that they're 69ing, golden showering and nibbling on each other's clits in the backseat of the car. Please. Kanye's pants are down, because he was having an intense conversation about art with his pubes (they're better conversationalists than Kim) in the car while Kim got her lips camera ready by varnishing them with shellac. Either that or Kanye believes that since they've been at it for a couple of weeks now, they're at the halfway point of their relationship and he should keep the romance alive by pissing on her ass right there on the street. Or I'm completely wrong and Kanye's just smoking the wrong stuff. That's probably it. And why can't I see his panties? Is Kanye wearing a g-string or one of those peen patches? | |
| Peeta Bread Broke The Law Doing What We All Did When We Were 19 | Top |
Don't let the sweet, innocent, puppy dog-loving, slightly wonky face fool you. Josh Hutcherson, that's Peeta Bread from The Hunger Games to you and me, is a hard criminal who pisses on the law. (That sound you hear is Kim Kardashian rolling her ass to the court house to legally change her name to "The Law.") TMZ has a picture of 19-year-old Peeta Bread leaving a Ralph's in Sherman Oaks, CA with a plastic bag full of a bottle of whisky. The source behind this groundbreaking expose tells TMZ that Josh used a fake ID to buy the $170 bottle of Macallan. All together now: ESCANDALO! TMZ lets us know that Ralph's has opened up an investigation into this SCANDAL and will take any steps necessary. Translation: They will take steps towards the cashier who sold Josh that whisky and hand them a THIS BITCH QUITS YOU slip. Josh's rep had nothing to say about this highly important story, but a couple of weeks ago he dropped some foreshadowing shit on TMZ when he told their cameras that the legal drinking age in the US should be 18 since you only have to be 18 to go to war. Who hasn't committed an act of fraud by buying the sweet nectar with a fake ID? If you didn't have a fake ID, then you probably stood outside of a 7-Eleven trying to convince adults to live on the edge by buying you beer. We all have! The real story here is that Peeta Bread is able to afford the fancy shit. That bitch should have to suffer through the Strawberry Hill barfs like all of us did when we were teenagers. That's the true crime being committed here. And I'm also side-eyeing that plastic bag, because every time I go to the Albertson's near my mom's house in an "unincorporated" part of L.A., they get all Bette Midler on my ass when I forget to bring my own bags since plastic bags are banned there. They charge me for a stupid ass paper bag. But I'm not going to complain about the ban on plastic bags in my mom's city, because it does keep the Kardashians out since they're not biodegradable either. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Long before Angelina Jolie's name became the first shit to pop up after doing a Google search for "Angelina," there was an Angelina with some true talent, natural glamour, sweet moves and spot-on beauty instincts (see: the stunning mane of ebony and gold locks spilling out of her head). Angelina (no last name necessary) was a freestyle superstar from the 90s whose album (THE album) took my family reunions my storm. Slap the Angelina CD into the player and you can guarantee that my cousin will jump up on a backyard bench and treat it like her own personal go-go box. Sometimes we'd go into one of the bedrooms, make it dark by putting foil over the windows and dance to that shit while one of us flicked the light switch on an off (aka a ghetto strobe light). We were way too old to be acting like that, but that's the kind of effect Angelina has on a ho. Make the room dark, flick the lights on and off, and get into this: Take note: A true superstar lead singer never EVER wastes energy on doing the dance moves full out (that's what the background hos are for) and the Matrix business woman suit is something everyone needs in their closet. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Harry Shum Jr. (30) | |
| Evening Crumbs | Top |
"Oh thiiiiiiis is the niiiiiiight, it's a beeeeeaaautiful niiiiight. And we caaaaaaall it bellaaaaa noooootte." - Just Jared Isn't it British royal tradition that on a prince's first wedding anniversary, his brother has to give the world the gift of paper with a picture of his royal jewels on it? - Lainey Gossip Jalouse Magazine's make-up artist gave Kristen Stewart the strung out raccoon look - The Berry The OctoMom department of Child Protective Services can take the weekend off - The Superficial Johnny Depp's 10-year-old has the musical tastes of a 45-year-old strip club bouncer - Celebitchy Don't all ten thousand of those paparazzos know that they can get the exact same shots by taking pictures of chipmunks in the park? - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Presenting...Collista Gingrich - Towleroad Gold-plated camel toe provided by Michelle Hunzikersomething - Hollywood Tuna Amanda Seyfried's dog friend sort of has Harvey Dent face - Popoholic Kristen Stewart's Anita Bryant meets Jackie O hair is not the look for her - ICYDK I think I'd rather see Eric Roberts in a bra - IDLYITW You know you're a special trick who can keep the "marriage" word off your tongue when George Clooney extends your contract past awards season - Popsugar Hugh Grant is not into mollycoddling (no that isn't some kind of fetish involving MDMA) - I'm Not Obsessed But where's the room where Derek Jeter keeps all the autographed baseballs he gives his one time fuck partners? - Cityrag Either JoJo is nipple-less or she knows the secret to keeping them hidden while in a completely wet white tank top - Hollywood Rag Put this shit on mute and you've got the perfect Friday night fapping material - OMG Blog How can those two dudes with Amber Rose keep their hands from snatching that parched animal off of her bald head? - Crunk + Disorderly As everyone prays that Snooki gets as big as Jessica Simpson - SOW (Picture via Bauer Griffin) | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For April 27th! | Top |
via Break.com | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Fashion Shack, Y'All | Top |
| Are you looking for an outfit to wear to Jason's Sister Wife Circa 1988 theme party? What about the perfect black gown to wear while walking barefoot down a sidewalk runaway to 70s porn music? Or the perfect turquoise dress to wear while talking to your friends around a fire hydrant in a parking lot? Two words: (read in the whisper of a pedophile hiding in the closet) Faaaashion Shack. via Videogum | |
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