The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Ke$hit Continues To Document Her Acts Of Severe Classiness
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 25th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- Evening Crumbs
- Blame It All On Hologram Tupac
- Open Post: Hosted By The Victoria's Secret Angels Of 1979
- The Return Of Excuse My Beauty!
- Katherine Heigl Adopts Another Baby
| Ke$hit Continues To Document Her Acts Of Severe Classiness | Top |
What ho hasn't drunkenly pissed in the dirt on the side of the highway as flat bed trucks go driving by and who hasn't squatted over a bar bathroom sink when the line for the regular toilet is too long? Every ho has! But of course, Garbage Pail Skank Ke$hit thinks she's the first trick to do it and bragged about it to her Twatter followers (via UsWeekly) by sharing this picture with them. I know, she's SO hardcore. I'd be more surprised if Ke$ha Tweeted a picture of herself using actual unused toilet paper to wipe. Ke$ha also added this note to the picture, which confirms that when she's not making musical herpes, she's writing spam e-mails:
PoPo? More like the health department. Think of all dogs who now have VD warts on their noses from sniffing on Ke$ha's piss puddle (Yes, her coochie warts are so potent they can infect airborne). No, but seriously, if Ke$ha wasn't a dumb a$$, she wouldn't have given this picture out for free. Kim Kardashian made millions of dollars thanks to piss and Ke$ha ain't got shit to show for it except pee stains in her chonies. Either keep it to yourself or #getmoneybitch. And where was the Deputy Sheriff of PAPP (Pepaws Against Public Pissing) when we needed him most? | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 25th! | Top |
Due to the recent hospitalization of several of their students, the Helen Keller School for the Blind sued "Cat in the Box" for failing to include Braille directions. - atlantapug Runners-up: When Bieber received his housewarming present from Selena, it came with very specific guidelines. - SteelCityGirl via Gravy Holocaust | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Lady Godiva, the delicate beauty who took pity on the people of Romania for not having enough elegance (and bare ass cracks) in their lives and gave it to them by riding on the back of a bike through the streets in all her naked glory. Motorists got pictures of the beauty riding bareback without protection after the police pulled her and her driver over. They didn't pull her over for abusing her punane lips by chafing them on a hot leather seat or for pulling a STUNT QUEEN trick that Courtney Stodden will pull on her 18th birthday. Lady Godiva was busted for not wearing a helmet! Yes, bitch only got in trouble for not wearing a hard condom on her head. Oh, Romania, let's hold hands, because I think I'm in love with you. One witness put it like this to Metro UK:
If you've ever wanted to feel the tingles as exhaust fumes touch your bare asshole, get yourself to Romania! I'm glad that Lady Godiva was taught the importance of protecting her head, but what about her other parts? Somebody really needs to make pussy and titty helmets for situations like this. And if you want to see Lady Godiva's nalgas side smile at the drivers of Romania, (NSFWish) click here. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
| Michael Damian (50) | |
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
What Hollywood couple – he's a rocker, she's a pop star – have an open marriage where hubby can still hook up with GUYS? The blonde mom is so done with playing the happy homemaker role that she's telling pals she's ready to go solo! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip) Are we sure there isn't a typo in that blind and they really mean "poop" star? That would make this blind about Fishsticks Paltrow since she is obsessed with poop (see: all the posts dedicated to colonics, cleanses and shit on GOOP). Naw, it can't be about Fishy since the only man ass Chris Martin puts his head in is his own. So that leaves Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale? Which super-famous female pop star, known for her "bad girl" reputation, has been secretly hooking up with women? The sexy singer has been frequenting European strip clubs, getting lap dances, then taking the raunchiest performer back to her hotel! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip) Super famous female pop star and bad girl? That could only be one bitch: DETECTIVE LA TOYA! Exhibit: EVERYTHING. In Hollywood, it's popular to be socially liberal and a Democrat. This handsome American actor is an industry leader in supporting Democratic Party candidates. He has donated his time and money and creative fundraising ability to many Democratic causes. However, he has a secret about the way that he votes that only his close friends know. He publicly talks like a Democratic Party loyal. But he actually votes Republican. A lot. (Blind Gossip) Stacy Keibler now knows why she hears elephant sounds coming from George Clooney's closet. She just figured it was another kink he's into. | |
| Evening Crumbs | Top |
Tilda Swinton and her white jumpsuit from David Bowie's closet wins over all these trollops. As usual. - The Berry FYI: Stepford Katie has not been turkey basted with a drop of L. Ron Hubbard's frozen load again - Lainey Gossip Normally I'd be grossed out by snobby hos thinking they're better than certain pieces of trash, but in this case I'll slow clap for Beyonce instead - The Superficial Does Obama take requests, because he'll have my vote if coos out his rendition of the Brian McKnight classic "Let Me Show You How Your Pussy Werks" - Towleroad On a positive note...at least Mischa Barton got a job - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Carrie Underwood's cousin Sara Jean (I made that up) in Men's Fitness - Hollywood Tuna The babies with memaw names trend continues thanks to Jack Osbourne - ICYDK Mila Kunis' shiny coochie cutters remind me of the shiny silver shorty shorts I had in the first grade. I accidentally shit in them while in class one day. Children laughed at me. Thank you for opening that scar, Mila! - Popoholic The film debut supercut, part II - The Daily What This should be made into a line of toilet paper - Cityrag Courtney Stodden being the natural and graceful swan that she is - Hollywood Rag Couldn't Hillary Clinton bring out her velvet scrunchie (with the metal bead border) for an occasion like this? - Just Jared Please tell me Jason Segel didn't go on the feeding tube diet - I'm Not Obsessed Awkward kiss is awkward - Popsugar | |
| Blame It All On Hologram Tupac | Top |
Today is the 10th anniversary of the death of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes and TLC has used this day to announce to TMZ that they are in the middle of planning a reunion tour that will take over the US sometime this year. T-Boz and Chilli have already booked 5 cities and are planning many, many more. Fire up your side-eye making muscle, because you'll feel the need to throw some eye shade after reading the next sentence. The same digital black magic that brought Tupac to life at Coochella will bring Left Eye back to life on tour and TLC plans to dance next to her hologram on stage. And the start of the hologram revolution begins. We're all doomed! A bitch has to get paid, I know, but does everything have to be hologram this and hologram that? If I want to see a vision of something that really isn't there, I'll just do drugs. Shit. That's what normal people do. Oh well, it could be a lot worse. At least they're not bringing O'So Krispie on tour.... I hate myself for remembering R U The Girl. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By The Victoria's Secret Angels Of 1979 | Top |
Let's go way back in time to the year I was born when catalog touch-ups were done with lead-based paint and mongoose hair and when Victoria's Secret truly cared about background ambiance. I didn't even know Victoria's Secret was alive in 1979, but it was and Fashionising brought out these pictures from their catalog. Oh those were the days when a panty model's marabou feather slippers were as fluffy as her crotch bush and her hair was always done up like a fourth-string bridesmaid at a Texas wedding. The VS catalog was much more realistic back then too. Don't act like you didn't know that every grown woman in 1979 did needlepoint in her lingerie while hanging out with her girlfriends in her grandma's "nice" living room. I bet grandma slapped the baby's breath out of that woman's hair when she found a stray pube on her oriental rug. And I know what the model with skin the color of creme brûlée was doing before this shoot. She was the one sunbathing on her driveway for hours and you know she used Vaseline instead of suntan oil. | |
| The Return Of Excuse My Beauty! | Top |
Not a week goes by when I don't use "Excuse my beauteeeeee!" and "Because I like tans on my legs, not on my face!" in casual conversation, so I must give a special brow pencil-lined thanks to Dlisted reader Amanda for keeping the hope of Stephanie Yellowhair's return to television (hopefully not on Cops) alive! As of August 2011, the hottest bitch in the Circle K was alive and well....back in the clink again. Stephanie was busted in Albuquerque, NM and I'm guessing she was put in cuffs for working her looks or for killing lesser hos with glamour (SPOILER ALERT: She was arrested for DWI). Miss Stephanie also has a Facebook page, which is where my eyeballs have been living for the past few weeks, and a now abandoned blog. I will continue to bring you updates on this highly important story. And if you haven't seen the sole reason why motion picture recording devices were invented, please watch this in its entirety and memorize every one of Stephanie's lines. There will be a quiz in the morning. That cop and Stephanie are truly the Laurel & Hardy of this and every generation. SHUT UHHHHHHHHHP! | |
| Katherine Heigl Adopts Another Baby | Top |
It looks like that future Mommie Dearest-like tell-all about Katherine Heigl will have two authors instead of one! Because a rep for Katherine (insert the sound you make when you hawk up a crusty phlegm ball) tells Just Jared that she and her husband Josh Kelley have made their 3-year-old daughter Naleigh a sister by adopting a second kid. Katherine's rep closed their mouth to all details about her second kid, but who needs Katherine's rep when we've got The National Enquirer? A source tells the Enquirer that Katherine and Josh adopted an 8-day-old girl from Louisiana. The source went on to say this shit: "As soon as they got the word the baby was born, Katherine and Josh flew from California to Louisiana to pick up their new daughter. But they didn't want to let the cat out of the bag too soon about their new little girl. Katherine wanted the infant to have a chance to get acclimated to her new family and surroundings before she introduced her to the world. Katherine recently admitted that it took a while to bond with Naleigh and it seemed like her daughter hated her at first ("Do you blame me?" - Naleigh). We all know Katherine as an insufferable, egotistical asshole whose smug smile makes you want to tell her that you'll see her next Tuesday, but motherhood has softened her edges a bit. I mean, she's not totally a mega bitch anymore. And that's a good reason to never have kids. Raising kids softens your cuntiness! Who wants that?! | |
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