The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Madonna IS Marrying Baby Jesus
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For May 14th!
- Dance, Daniel, Dance!!!
- John Mayer Is Smooth
| Madonna IS Marrying Baby Jesus | Top |
| Baby Jesus' father, God , has told Brazil's Who Magazine (via Gatecrasher ) that the rumors about his son marrying Madonna are true. I'm not even a practicing Catholic anymore, but I feel like I need to pray for the fuckery I read in that last sentence. SANTO DIOS! Hand me a rosary and light a candle! Get my veil too! The lace one! God said that they will " marry " in a Kabbalah ceremony in New York. Since it's not going to be a real marriage, he's not sure if it's legally binding or not. The magazine also asked God about the rumors that Madonna was making Baby Jesus take ESL lessons, but he says that's all just lies. God chirped, "Jesus already spoke English very well before he knew Madonna! I've spoken by phone with Madonna - in French, because my English is not fluent - and she appears to me to be a normal and polite person. She is feminine. I don't feel she is a harsh person." If you swallowed your tongue after reading the " feminine " part, you're not alone. I've been trying to pull my tongue out of my throat ever since I read that. Madonna is about as feminine as a T-Rex's dick. You know, something in the milk ain't clean about this Kabbalah ceremony thing. Methinks Vadge is up to something. This isn't a commitment ceremony, this is a de-nutsack ceremony! And while she's in there, she's going to take his peen's hoody too! Because if you're going to be knocking it with Madonna long-term, you gotta leave your ballies at the door. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
| Wet dreams realized: Matthew Fox & Jimmy Kimmel take a shower together - Towleroad Mensa nalgas - Egotastic! Cindy Crawford is making that money - Hollywood Tuna A l imp piece of broccoli playing softball - Popsugar More evidence that Jacko has turned into a ghost - Hollywood Rag Gayken and his lil' Claymate - Just Jared Posh with her $10 gazillion bag that is only holding suppositories and corn removers - Lainey Gossip This is art: Trollsen in a wig looking like she's conjuring up the spirits - Socialite Life Look at this fucking idiot (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather Harvey Price is perfect for the job! - Holy Moly! Kittehs vs. Technology - Cityrag Triple the skankness - ICYDK Hugh Jackman's daughter is turning it out fashion-wise - SOW Eminem is a fan of Dr. Bonner's ! It's the stuff you can clean your ass with and brush your teeth with! Magic! - I'm Not Obsessed Bette Midler wants Jennifer Aniston to get a man on JDate. It's come to THAT - Celebitchy | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For May 14th! | Top |
| Thanks Eduar | |
| Dance, Daniel, Dance!!! | Top |
| This is the first trailer for Nine and it kind of has me feeling tingly for a couple of reasons. First, this shit has always been one of my favorite musicals ever and second, Daniel Day-Lewis DANCES! When I watched There Will Be Blood , I immediately thought to myself that it would be so much better if he was singing and dancing around the whole time. I mean, a musical number called "I Drink the Milkshake " would have been spectacular. Since that didn't happen, this is the next best thing. Nine also stars a bunch of chicks who belong in this movie like Sophia Loren, Marion Cotillard, Penny Cruz and Judi Dench . There's also some hos (point at Fergie & Kate Hudson ) who must have licked the right taint to get cast. When they hit the screen, that's when I hit the toilet! As for Nicole Kidman , the jury is still out on that bitch. I can't tell from the trailer if she moves her face or not. If she's able to frown even a bit, they should give her every award imaginable. That's a major feat in itself! | |
| John Mayer Is Smooth | Top |
| John Mayer really does have the perfect lines for picking up pussy. Jesse James (not the creepy hot piece married to Sandra Bullock , but some pop singer wannabe with dusty eyebrows) told WFAN Sports Radio (via Page Six ) that she met John at some bar in Manhattan. John immediately zeroed in on Jesse and invited her and some other hos back to where the magic dies, his apartment. Jesse said, " We were all hanging out and everyone started to gradually leave. It was just he and I at this point. I told him, 'I need some taxi money, I'm gonna go home now. '" Taxi money?! Jesse totally graduated from the School of Class and Tact, right? With honors! The last time I asked a fuck friend for money, I suddenly found myself on the street without taxi money and without my pants. Um. Earth to fucking Jesse! Every skilled ho knows you have to get the cash from his wallet while he's taking a piss. Stupid amateur! Anyway, Jesse gave John his number and he used it liberally, " He texted me throughout the entire night while I was at the hotel room, leaving messages like, 'Let me tuck you in. I want to see you.'" "Let me tuck you in " is doucheanese for " I want to ass-to-mouth you ", right? And you know Jesse totally let him. | |
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