The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Criss Angel: Dick Bag, Fake Ass And Pussy Thief | Top |
| While reading this shit about Criss Angel from Page Six , it took me a little while to realize they were talking about an actual cat that goes meow and not about a vagina. I mean, look at the first few lines: MAGICIAN Criss Angel is accused of stealing Jeff Beacher's cat. And Beacher, the midget-loving impresario behind Beacher's Madhouse revue, is threatening to sue to get his pussy back. I mean, who steals a cat?! I guess that royal douchebag Criss Angel does. Jeff claims that when his father passed away, he inherited the family cat they call " Hamlet ." Jeff was living at the Hard Rock Hotel at the time, so he asked his friend to care for Hamlet until he moved out. A little while later, Jeff's phone rang and there was a dirty tampon on the other end of the line. It was Criss who told Jeff, "I took your cat. He lives with me now. The cat no longer likes you and The cat and I have become close friends. " What in the fuckity fuck?! Who wrote that line for Criss? Christopher Guest ?! Criss needs to stick his whole fist up his ass (rings included). What an asshole! Hamlet probably thinks Criss' hair is his long-lost mommy, so he's totally being tricked! Jeff is planning to sue Criss for pussy thievery if he doesn't return Hamlet. You know, Kate Gosselin should also file a lawsuit against Criss for stealing her signature dead beaver coif. | |
| Wonky Is Loud | Top |
| Wonky McValtrex's neighbors are not happy with her. And not because her crotch crustaceans keep digging up their gardens. No, they aren't pleased, because of all the noise that skankwhorecunt is making. Early this morning, Wonky's neighbors called the cops, because Wonky and her latest piece, Dough Reinhardt , were fighting so loud that their screeches could be heard from the street. Maybe they weren't fighting. Doug probably makes that sound whenever he sticks it into her toxic waste dump without a Hazmat-made condom on. When the cops arrived at her house, nobody would open the front gates for them, so they had to hop the fence. They talked to Wonky and after they left, the loud arguing stopped. TMZ says that Wonky wasn't fighting with Doug. The screams came from her own slut mouth after she received a call that Tinkerbell had been run over and killed on Mullholland Drive. Wonky started screaming like Danny Gokey with a lighter up his ass. The call turned out to be a prank. Beat me with a string of wet anal beads, because this is such lies. Like that dumb whore cares about her dogs! If Wonky found out one of her dogs died, she wouldn't be crying. She would just go out and buy a new one. Besides, I haven't seen Tinky in eons. I'm sure Tinkerbell already staged her death a long ass time ago and she's airing our her herp warts (a souvenir from Wonky) on the beaches of France right now. | |
| Then Or Now: When Were They Hotter? | Top |
| AHAHAHAHAAA! UsWeekly compared pictures of Kate Gosselin right after she popped out a litter of babies and a picture of her recently. According to Us, Kate got the plastic surgery WORKS including a tummy tuck. But why bother with that nonsense, when there's a more pressing matter at hand. Yeah, she looked a little Susan Boyle-ish in the face back then, but her hair. HER HAIR! Back then she looked like a lonely cat lady who braids her pubic hair and is the pen pal of several serial killers.. And now, she looks like a Tool Academy drop-out. So I don't really know which hair is sexier (barf). I'm going to say that her hair before brings the sex, because the wave and fall is what early 90s Midwestern glamour was all about. | |
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