The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Jon & Kate's Shitty Marriage Is Ratings Gold | Top |
| 9.8 million hos spent 1 hour of their lives watching Jon & Cunty Beaverhead Plus 8 last night. This was easily TLC's most watch episode ever . Jon & Kate even beat the Lost season finale in the ratings. That has to hurt. Sadly, I was not among the 9.8 million suckahs who watched, because I went to bed at like 8 o'clock after being up for 30 hours straight (don't ask). I wanted to make sure I was fully coherent when I watched, so that I could take precise notes on how to be a bigger and better cunt. Kate is the master at this and she deserves my undivided attention. I watched a bunch of old episodes this past weekend and it really is like a master class in how to be a mega bitch. The reviews from the critics confirm this. UsWeekly compiled a few: On Kate saying her life in the media spotlight is so hard: "Is it really, Kate? Tell that to a family in which the breadwinner has just lost her or his job, you silly, self-absorbed fool." - Baltimore Sun On Kate saying the paparazzi following them is creepy: " What's creepy is having your children followed around by a camera crew. Any camera crew. Period. It's exploitation, whatever cutesy name you want to give it ." New Jersey's Star Ledger On Kate saying she's alone 6 times when Jon goes away for the weekend: " You just wanted to say, 'We get it! You feel you're the Wronged Woman! Aren't you savvy enough by now to know you're not winning us over?' This was especially true when she noted that 'all of a sudden, your kids are calling you your babysitter's name.' I could almost hear millions of viewers shouting, 'So stay home!'" - Entertainment Weekly Beautiful, right? Kate probably came a million times over after reading the reviews. Just from watching a few clips online, it looks like an episode of Faces of Death . Seriously, it's like witnessing their marriage get hit by a train in slow motion. I mean, in the clip above, you can cut the awkwardness with one of Bai Ling's razor nipples. They should be speaking to a therapist not a fucking producer. My favorite part has to be when the producers asks them what the future holds. Kate says, "I'm here" and Jon says "I'm here....for the kids. " I expected the rabid beaver on Kate's head to pounce on Jon's crotch and bite into it. Obviously, when Kate pulled his nuts out she missed some of the root, because it sounds like they are starting to grow back. | |
| England's Finest Rose Is A Bodybuilder Now | Top |
| England's premiere pristine lady, Jodie Marsh , says she has turned into a bodybuilder. This is kind of the like the time she turned lesbian for a quick minute, but instead of lifting clits with her tongue, she's lifting weights with her hands. Jodie tells New! Magazine that she was getting too soft and she wanted her body to match her rock hard tittays, so she hit started hitting the gym 6 times a week. You know, she could've lost some of the " softness " by cutting down on fatty jizz. This is what I was told anyway. One time, a smart ass bitch told me to stop eating so much sperm after I complained that my stomach had a serious case of the softs. And ruin my social life? Eff that! I'd rather have a jiggly stomach than a tarnished image! Anyway..... After just six months of working out, Jodie says she has gone from a size 12 to a size 6. And she isn't stopping there! Jodie will continue to work out in hopes that she'll be able to compete on the bodybuilder circuit, " I've still got loads to go. I might do a bodybuilder competition in August. " Maybe she meant she's going to do all the contestants in a bodybuilder competition, because I'm not convinced Jodie wants to look like Vadge's roidy-clit. And I know you're probably sick with worry that one day Jodie will crush her fantastic chichis by dropping a barbel on them, but do not fret! Jodie's titties can't take it since I'm sure she regularly injects liquid concrete into them. She has always admired the breasts of stone statues. | |
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