The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Brown Eyed Baby | Top |
| Van Morrison's sperm still has the magic touch! At 64-years-old, the pepaw has become a father for the fourth time. Let's all high-five Van's sperm (let's not). CBC New s reports that Van's manager/girlfriend/caramel square unwrapper Gigi Lee gave birth to a little boy yesterday. They have named him George Ivan Morrison III . Van also has a 39-year-old from his first marriage and two kids with his last girlfriend. Van's publicist said that " Little Van is the spitting image of his daddy. " So that means Gigi gave birth roll of chins. Adorable. I'm happy for Van, but why would you want to spend the twilight of your years goo goo and ga ga-ing at a damn baby?! When I'm that age, the only interaction I want to have with kids is when I have to wave my cane at one for skipping into my personal space. Ivana Trump has the right idea. ( Thanks Moonmaid ) | |
| Taylor Dumped Taylor | Top |
| Tonight when the Twitwards are flossing their vaginas with the Jacob Black fleece throws they got for Christmas, it will be much more gratifying because Taylor Lautner is SINGLE! I think a thousand cherries just spontaneously popped. UsWeekly reports that the 3-month-long love affair between 17-year-old Taylor Lautner and 20-year-old Taylor Swift has come to an end. A source said that Girl Taylor wasn't really getting the shakes in her loins whenever Boy Taylor came around. The source added, "He liked her more than she liked him. He went everywhere he could to see her, but she didn't travel much to see him. It wasn't really developing into anything, and wasn't going to, so they decided they were better as friends. There was no chemistry, and it felt contrived." Hm. Maybe it felt contrived, because both of them had their publicists screaming in their ears, "HOLD HER HAND! KISS HIS CHEEK! PASS HIM THAT NOTE IN HOMEROOM! TOUCH HER BOOBY! " Yes, both of their publicists sound like Kanye (ironic, eh). But seriously, this is all kinds of hilarious. There's millions of girls who would sell their entire family for just one of Boy Taylor's nose hairs. And Girl Taylor rolls her eyes whenever Boy Taylor's name pops up on her cell phone. HAHAHA. Maybe Girl Taylor just wasn't into Boy Taylor trying to toss her salad while calling her " Edward ." Hey, just let me have my fantasies! | |
| CoCo & Child | Top |
| Not since the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus has there been such a touching portrait of an ethereal maternal figure with an innocent child. It just makes you want to give birth, or slap a Honey Baked ham. Here's CoCo (that's Nicole Austin if you work for the government) frolicking around the beach in Miami yesterday with her young niece and Ice-T . Without all the lights, Photoshop, spandex and paint, CoCo looks so demure. Sure her bikini bottoms, which have seen better days on a spring break slut circa 1993, are crawling up her body to escape from her hongray hongray camel toe, but her ass isn't knocking my eyelashes off. Usually CoCo's ass makes my own ass clench up out of embarrassment, but it's not doing that right now. Maybe CoCo has been eating more fiber. Or something. | |
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