The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Jared Leto Hasn't Eaten Food For A Month, Basically
- Gavin Rossdale Is Not Screwing The Nanny, Because She's His Sister
- Michael Lohan Told You This Was Going To Happen
- Just A Regular Night: Lindsay Lohan Got Arrested For Punching This Woman
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For November 28th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- This Is What Happened When will.i.cant and Brit Brit Made A Song And Video Together
- Kelsey Grammer And Kayte Walsh Are Really Trying To Get That Parents Of The Year Award
- Night Crumbs
| Jared Leto Hasn't Eaten Food For A Month, Basically | Top |
Posh, Anne Hathway, LeAnn Rimes and Rachel "Chupa" Zoe, eat your heart out. I only mean that figuratively, because hearts are fatty and full of calories and will make you fat and ew! Jared Leto has to buy all of his underwear in the toddler section at Babies 'R Us, because he was already skinnier than Chris Brown's extra long pencil dick and now he's even skinnier. As everyone already knows, Jordan Catalano fought the hot and won when he dropped over 10 pounds and waxed his brows off to play a transgender woman with HIV in The Dallas Buyers Club. Matthew McConaughey also lost a whole lot of weight for that movie and said he did it by cutting all carbs from his daily diet. Jared, however, tells Vulture that he got Kate Moss skinny by fasting. Fasting is basically the GOOP way of saying, "I'm starving myself!" Jared said this about fasting for his art:
I won't be surprised if one day I'm driving down the street and see Jared Leto's stomach bag trying to hitchhike its way out of town. It's going to leave his body any day now, because he keeps treating it like shit. Jared gained a bunch of chunk for that Chapter 27 movie and now he's starving himself. His stomach is confused. You know what else is probably confused? Jared's peen. Dr. Oz says that when a dude's body shrinks, his dick grows and when his body grows, his dick shrinks. Confusing your internal organs is one thing, but confusing your external organ is a crime. There's nothing sadder than a confused peen. And since Jared's got more to tuck now (cut to Jared wrapping a Spanx condom around his bigger peen to make it skinnier), he should probably win the Oscar for Best Tuck Game. (Pic via Terry's Diary) | |
| Gavin Rossdale Is Not Screwing The Nanny, Because She's His Sister | Top |
When pictures came out of Gavin Rossdale gently touching the nanny's upper ass area during a hike, some thought that he was pulling a stage 1 Jude Law and were waiting to see the New York Post headline "NO DOUBT It's Over!" I see everything through melodramatic OMGSCANDAL eyes, and even to me the pictures looked innocent. Gavin's just guiding her ass (literally) up the hill while she's holding his kid. It's not like he's giving her the shocker. But even if he was giving her the shocker, it wouldn't be a big deal. The shocker is a known hiking technique. At least that's what I tell all my hiking partners....who are male....sort of hot....have big fingers...and not one of my relatives. Besides, like Gavin has room for another side piece in his side piece harem. A source tells Radar that Gwen Stefani and Gavin both had laughs about the rumors that he's wet humping the nanny, because she's his sister Soraya and he's not dipping into some incest shit. The source said this:
See, so Gavin wasn't touching his nanny/side piece's ass. He was touching his nanny/sister's ass. Don't you touch your sister's ass when you go hiking? You can stop furiously shaking your head yes, James Haven. I already knew your answer before I asked the question. Here's Gavin, Gwen and their Pom Pom at their kid's school yesterday. | |
| Michael Lohan Told You This Was Going To Happen | Top |
Six seconds after Lindsay Lohan was arrested for being Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, her beloved father and the piece of dried leech shit who played a huge part in turning her into a human tequila worm of delusion, immediately pulled his cell phone out of the totally cool holster strapped to his International Male jeans and called the only people who will take his call: the media. Michael Lohan tells Radar that he's the one who tried to get LiLo into rehab and he told everyone she'd continue to be a professional fuck-up if she didn't get real help. You know Michael Lohan really cares, because I'm sure that the first thing he said to Radar after calling them up was, "Yoko Ono came out with some new hot mesh shirts, so you're gonna need to add a zero to my usual fee." This is the pile of extra chunky caca filling that spewed out of Michael's pie hole this morning:
Before calling up Radar, Michael gave parenting advice on Twatter and I'm sure all of you parents will take that advice as soon as you finish asking Halle Berry for dating advice:
Michael should write all of that down on a piece of paper and shove it in a bottle of Grey Goose, so Lindsay Lohan will be guaranteed to read it. You know, it's really hard to take a grown man seriously when his name is Michael Lohan, and more importantly it's really hard to take a grown man seriously when he still keeps his cell phone in a holster strapped to his jeans. A cell phone ain't an old-timey pistol and this ain't the wild wild west. I bet Michael Lohan makes a "pew pew" sound every time he pulls his phone out. I mean... | |
| Just A Regular Night: Lindsay Lohan Got Arrested For Punching This Woman | Top |
White Oprah better make room on her wall of family achievements, because here comes another mug shot of beauty from her daughter! Because it's been much too long since Lindsay Lohan has been in handcuffs and she missed posing for the mug shot camera, bitch got arrested in NYC early this morning for punching a woman in the face at a club. If it's morning time for you, then you can skip your morning cup of liquid caffeine by going to TMZ to get your buzz from watching the video of her perp walk. If it's afternoon or night times for you, you can still get higher from listening to her scream out to the cops, "Oh my God! Are you kidding me?" Oh, LiLo, that's what we all said on Sunday night are Liz & Dick. The latest chapter in LiLo's never-ending Party Heat episode of a life started when she and the woman above got into some kind of argument at Avenue in NYC. The woman was sitting in the booth next to Lindsay's and nobody knows what they were fighting about, but at one point Blohan said, "Give me some space!" TMZ's source says that the two stopped fighting, but a little while later LiLo punched the woman in the face for whatever reason. Somewhere up in heaven, Elizabeth Taylor is screaming at God, "Youdammit! I told you to use your powers to make that lady punch LiLo in the face for fucking me over. Not the other way around!" The cops were called, but by the time they showed up, LiLo was already making her getaway in a car. The cops eventually found the car LiLo was in and arrested her ass. She was booked for third degree misdemeanor assault and released a few hours later. In LiLo's defense (and bitch is totally going to use this in court as her defense), she was at Justin Bieber's concert earlier in the night and listening to that baby yodel will make anyone want to randomly punch a trick. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For November 28th! | Top |
After one too many bleachings, Kim Kartrashian's anus had enough and walked out. - Johnny Boy Runners-up: The Sluggie: for when you're too high to worry about arm holes. - fosho Memoirs of a Gusher - TexnDoc Lil Wayne's sperm is so fertile by the time he takes his condom off he has a baby growing out the end. - Whamo Sometimes, even Jon's Hammaconda needs some "Me" time. - Hello Kitty Ho Stroll via Neatorama | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| lvroper1959, a cougar chanteuse who is crooning her way to a restraining order. Demi Moore and Madonna better pull out their notepads and pens and take note, because this is how you woo a young piece. Or maybe I'm confusing "woo a young piece" with "make a young piece get ADT for his dorm room." 19-year-old Johnny Manziel (aka Johnny Football) plays football for Texas A&M and apparently he might win the Heisman. Johnny Football hasn't won the Heisman yet, but he has won the heart of this Texas rose. The writers of "Johnny Angel" have never been prouder, because Johnny's #1 fan has reworked their song into an ode for her favorite college freshmen football player. Every time Johnny makes the football fly, she gets the tingles. And why do I have a feeling that from now on whenever Johnny hears finger snapping, he's going to get the scared shakes and start looking for the nearest exit? via Deadspin | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Jackie Stallone (91) | |
| This Is What Happened When will.i.cant and Brit Brit Made A Song And Video Together | Top |
| Here's the video for will.i.am and Brit Brit's song "Scream & Shout" and this commercial for a million products is better on your ears if you hit the mute button. Brit Brit is arm dancing like she's never arm danced before! I hope she had at least two 5 minute breaks during the 20 minutes it took to shoot this video, because all that arm dancing looks exhausting. Even though bitch ain't got no brows (Note: Seriously, they couldn't cut pieces of her weave off and use 'em for brows?), she hasn't looked this hot in a long time and that's mainly because she looks like a drag queen Linda Evans as Barbarella. And Brit Brit's messed up BRITish accent tells me that even she would've made a better Elizabeth Taylor than Lindsay Lohan. | |
| Kelsey Grammer And Kayte Walsh Are Really Trying To Get That Parents Of The Year Award | Top |
Kelsey Grammer and his child bride Kayte Walsh got a little hate a few weeks ago for taking their 3-month-old baby Faith to a Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion. Kelsey said that Kayte is breastfeeding and they don't have a sitter, so Faith goes everywhere they go. I didn't think anything of it, because Faith wasn't the only baby at the Playboy Mansion. A drooling, breast-obsessed mound of human wrinkles owns the place. I'm sure Faith and Hef got burped next to each other. Kelsey and Kayte are getting more hate today, because they drove away from LAX without putting their baby in a car seat. TMZ has video of Kayte and Kelsey getting into a chauffeured SUV. Kayte realizes that there's no car seat in the backseat, but she gets in anyway and holds the baby in her arms as the SUV drives away. Kelsey's rep went out to the farm, found a bull, fed it a bowl of beans and patiently waited until it shat out this explanation:
This reminds me.... When I was 4 or 5, my dad let my sister and I take turns sitting on his lap while he drove the car. People who pulled up next to us would wave and they all thought it was real cute. I wouldn't be surprised if my dad took a nap behind me and let me actually drive the car. He was lazy! I bet if I was actually driving the car while smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer and writing a letter (aka the original texting) at the same time, people still would've been like, "Awww, how precious!" Don't you miss the early 80s? | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
We get it, Jared Leto, we get it. You shaved off your brows and lost some weight for that movie. You can stop sucking in your stomach so hard that you look like an actual bookworm. Dude looks like he should be slithering out of an apple - ICYDK Brad Pitt is talking to People Magazine now - Lainey Gossip If Bobbi Kristina Brown and her adopted brother can't make it work, none of us can - The Superficial And Bobbi Kristina Brown just drove her car off an embankment - TMZ Mitt Romney joins Amanda Bynes, Michelle Obama and Hulk Hogan as some of the most least influential people of the year - Towleroad Didn't Faye Dunaway wear this in Supergirl? - Hollywood Tuna In other words, TMZ is Team Halle Berry and Radar is Team Gabriel Aubry - Celebitchy Adriana Lima is pregnant and clothed in the 2013 Pirelli calendar - Drunken Stepfather The newest set of pictures in the never-ending "Hilary Duff Walks To Her Car" series - Popoholic If you scroll down to the third picture, you'll see that Cosmo used the "strung out junkie" Photoshop tool on Carly Rae Jepsen - The Berry Shia LaDouche in la jorts - Popsugar Entertainment Weekly does Mama June wrong by giving Ben Affleck her title - Just Jared The city of Dallas should pay tribute to Larry Hagman by wrapping that green building in giant hairy eyebrows - SOW Adam Levine is a diva - IDLYITW The Facebook Profile Picture Prankster has a lot of time (wigs, spare butts and props) on his hands and we should be grateful for that - Crunk + Disorderly Lisa Robin Kelly is still a messy, messy mess - Hollywood Rag Pussy and lamb love (not a Mimi porn post) - Cityrag A.J. McLean is a dad again - I'm Not Obsessed | |
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