The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Birthday Sluts
- This Is What Happened When will.i.cant and Brit Brit Made A Song And Video Together
- Kelsey Grammer And Kayte Walsh Are Really Trying To Get That Parents Of The Year Award
- Night Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For November 28th!
- From The Department Of Why: Butt Implants Gone Wrong
- Open Post: Hosted By Mimi's Christmas Chichis
- Demi Moore's Got A New 20-Something Piece
- Justin Bieber Will Take One In Every Color
- I Don't Know Who Olly Murs Is, But He Wants You To Know That He's Got A Five Incher
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Jackie Stallone (91) | |
| This Is What Happened When will.i.cant and Brit Brit Made A Song And Video Together | Top |
| Here's the video for will.i.am and Brit Brit's song "Scream & Shout" and this commercial for a million products is better on your ears if you hit the mute button. Brit Brit is arm dancing like she's never arm danced before! I hope she had at least two 5 minute breaks during the 20 minutes it took to shoot this video, because all that arm dancing looks exhausting. Even though bitch ain't got no brows (Note: Seriously, they couldn't cut pieces of her weave off and use 'em for brows?), she hasn't looked this hot in a long time and that's mainly because she looks like a drag queen Linda Evans as Barbarella. And Brit Brit's messed up BRITish accent tells me that even she would've made a better Elizabeth Taylor than Lindsay Lohan. | |
| Kelsey Grammer And Kayte Walsh Are Really Trying To Get That Parents Of The Year Award | Top |
Kelsey Grammer and his child bride Kayte Walsh got a little hate a few weeks ago for taking their 3-month-old baby Faith to a Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion. Kelsey said that Kayte is breastfeeding and they don't have a sitter, so Faith goes everywhere they go. I didn't think anything of it, because Faith wasn't the only baby at the Playboy Mansion. A drooling, breast-obsessed mound of human wrinkles owns the place. I'm sure Faith and Hef got burped next to each other. Kelsey and Kayte are getting more hate today, because they drove away from LAX without putting their baby in a car seat. TMZ has video of Kayte and Kelsey getting into a chauffeured SUV. Kayte realizes that there's no car seat in the backseat, but she gets in anyway and holds the baby in her arms as the SUV drives away. Kelsey's rep went out to the farm, found a bull, fed it a bowl of beans and patiently waited until it shat out this explanation:
This reminds me.... When I was 4 or 5, my dad let my sister and I take turns sitting on his lap while he drove the car. People who pulled up next to us would wave and they all thought it was real cute. I wouldn't be surprised if my dad took a nap behind me and let me actually drive the car. He was lazy! I bet if I was actually driving the car while smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer and writing a letter (aka the original texting) at the same time, people still would've been like, "Awww, how precious!" Don't you miss the early 80s? | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
We get it, Jared Leto, we get it. You shaved off your brows and lost some weight for that movie. You can stop sucking in your stomach so hard that you look like an actual bookworm. Dude looks like he should be slithering out of an apple - ICYDK Brad Pitt is talking to People Magazine now - Lainey Gossip If Bobbi Kristina Brown and her adopted brother can't make it work, none of us can - The Superficial And Bobbi Kristina Brown just drove her car off an embankment - TMZ Mitt Romney joins Amanda Bynes, Michelle Obama and Hulk Hogan as some of the most least influential people of the year - Towleroad Didn't Faye Dunaway wear this in Supergirl? - Hollywood Tuna In other words, TMZ is Team Halle Berry and Radar is Team Gabriel Aubry - Celebitchy Adriana Lima is pregnant and clothed in the 2013 Pirelli calendar - Drunken Stepfather The newest set of pictures in the never-ending "Hilary Duff Walks To Her Car" series - Popoholic If you scroll down to the third picture, you'll see that Cosmo used the "strung out junkie" Photoshop tool on Carly Rae Jepsen - The Berry Shia LaDouche in la jorts - Popsugar Entertainment Weekly does Mama June wrong by giving Ben Affleck her title - Just Jared The city of Dallas should pay tribute to Larry Hagman by wrapping that green building in giant hairy eyebrows - SOW Adam Levine is a diva - IDLYITW The Facebook Profile Picture Prankster has a lot of time (wigs, spare butts and props) on his hands and we should be grateful for that - Crunk + Disorderly Lisa Robin Kelly is still a messy, messy mess - Hollywood Rag Pussy and lamb love (not a Mimi porn post) - Cityrag A.J. McLean is a dad again - I'm Not Obsessed | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For November 28th! | Top |
via Neatorama | |
| From The Department Of Why: Butt Implants Gone Wrong | Top |
| Some days I really regret going onto the wonderland of beautiful foolery known as The Daily Mail and today is one of those days. Today they have a video from World Star Hip Hop of a woman playing with the Simon game in her ass. Did we not learn anything from The Floppy Ass of '07 or the Fix-A-Flat Ass of '11? No, a butt bag full of silicone isn't supposed to do that. As much as this terrifies me, I'm going to try to look at the positive. If the "butt cheeks permanently pressed up against a glass window" look every becomes a thing, homegirl can say that she started it. And if you're ever lying next to her at the beach, you can flip her ass implant around and use her butt as a table for your beer. Yes, her nalgas look like a pig snout, but sometimes having an end table ass is a good thing. And her ass still looks better than Kim Katrashian's ass. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Mimi's Christmas Chichis | Top |
I never know when it's okay to start rolling out super annoying Christmas shit. Stores start playing ear-torturing Christmas song in October and that's not right. Your neighbor probably threw Christmas lights on their house three weeks ago (or if you're related to me, you keep your Christmas lights up all year) and that's not right either. Some say that it's okay to start farting out the holiday spirit the day after Thanksgiving. But I say that's it not Christmas times until Mariah Carey has shoved her yule tide titty balls into a holiday dress that's four sizes too small. Mimi does that every year and she did it last night before her performance at the Rockefeller tree lighting ceremony in NYC. Mimi's chest looks like a reindeer butt and that's mean it's officially the start of the holiday season! Tits beginning to look a lot like Christmas. | |
| Demi Moore's Got A New 20-Something Piece | Top |
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher still haven't filed for divorce from each other and a couple of tabloids say that she wants him back, and sometimes cuddles with a bottle of douche to remember what it's like to spoon with him. But Page Six says that if Demi is crying out tears for Ashton, then she's using those tears to lube herself up for fuck times with her new dude Vito Schnabel. Demi is 50 (cut to Demi kicking, stretching and kicking) and Vito Schnabel is 26 (in Lohan years, obviously). Vito is the art dealer son of painter and filmmaker Julian Schnabel, so he's around famous types a lot. Vito is also used to being the cub, because he dated Elle Macpherson when he was 21 and she was 44. A source says that Vito and Demi have been hanging out for a few weeks. Earlier this month, guests at a birthday party in India for Naomi Campbell's hot billionaire boyfriend all watched as Demi and Vito got down on the dance floor. The source said that as Diana Ross performed, Demi and Vito "were dancing and grinding all over each other, openly, in front of other guests." If you need a visual of Demi and Vito throwing down some sweet, sexy moves on the dance floor, then press play on a classic (you knew this was coming). Demi will play the part of Demi and Ashton will play the part of Vito. (If for some reason, you need a visual of a zombie having a seizure while red ants attack its armpits and b-hole, this video will give you that visual too.) I can't fully hate on this. Demi and Vito look good together, and that's mostly because they both look like root vegetables molded out of clay. They're also a good pair, because Demi can use her razor sharp cheeks to cut away any rogue hairs from Vito's perfectly pruned brows. | |
| Justin Bieber Will Take One In Every Color | Top |
When designing her men's fashion line for Opening Ceremony, Yoko Ono obviously found inspiration from style icons Regina George, Michael Lohan and Bruno. If you've got a couple thousand dollars available on your credit card and really want to look like a mental patient in The Fifth Element world (or like a visual representation of Tilda Swinton's thought process), jump over to Opening Ceremony and go crazy. Yoko Onoshedidnt (I hate myself for typing that) tells Opening Ceremony that in 1969, she sketched a men's fashion line for John Lennon. Yoko wanted to "celebrate John's hot bod" and gave him the sketches as a wedding present. I bet John flipped through all those sketches and secretly wished that he would come across a sketch of a gift receipt so he could return all that shit. 43 years after Yoko gave John the worst wedding gift ever, Opening Ceremony has helped her to bring those sketches to life. For just $250, you can get a bandeau tube top with light bulbs nipples. I know that top is TOO masculine for some of you ladies, but if you're currently breastfeeding and want to confuse (or shock) the shit out of your baby, wear this. For just $75, you can get a hoodie that Yoko Ono calls the "butt hoodie," but to me it looks more like something that would flop on your forehead during teabag night at the Lemon Party Strip Club. For just $400, you can get a "Ring For Your Mommy" bell board. All of these clothes make me want to ring for my mommy, so that's the one thing I'd buy. There's also a jock strap with LED lights on the peen part and pants that look like they're giving you a prostate exam and a nutsack cancer check. Yoko Ono is a new kind of crazy, but we already knew that. And the Church of Scientology just found their new staff uniforms. | |
| I Don't Know Who Olly Murs Is, But He Wants You To Know That He's Got A Five Incher | Top |
If you asked me a couple of days ago who I thought Olly Murs was, I'd guess and say that Olly Murs is the accidental love child Hoops & Yoyo made during a night of awkward drunken cat and rabbit gay sex. (They don't like to talk about it.) But I would've been wrong (I think), because Olly Murs is a British pop singer type who was the runner-up on the sixth season of The X-Factor UK, and now he's known to me as the dude with five fully functional inches of love. Olly Murs is apparently known for his bulge (see: pictures below of Olly Murs shooting a video in Venice, CA on September 21st. That's not an overfull diaper in Olly's skinny pants. That's his five inch carrot and two avocado seeds.) and so Heat World (via ONTD) asked him about it during an interview. Heat World not only asked him about his bulge, but they also reached new levels of TOO MUCH INFORMATION by asking him to get specific and shit. And Olly did get specific:
I love how Olly says "I think." Ho, please. You know he measures it daily. Olly slaps his peen against a ruler and tries to stretch it as far as it will go the same way Tommy Girl stands on his tippity, tippity tip toes when John Travolta's measuring him on a growth chart in the Scientology playroom. "I grew 0.00003 centimeters!" is a line both Tommy Girl and Olly's peen have screamed out recently. And I bet that when you put all of Olly's 13 centimeters in your mouth, you can articulately say the name "Olly Murs." That's a selling point for 5 inch dicks! Think about that the next time you're about to roll your eyes when a trick on Craigslist tells you that he's only got 5 inches. | |
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