The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Who Wore It Better?
- Disney Is Working On A "Boy Meets World" Sequel Series
- Time To Step It Up, Suri
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- John Travolta Is The Love Of Kirstie Alley's Life
- Night Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For November 2nd!
- And Here's Another Ginger Gift....
- Open Post: Hosted By Carrot Top's Tongue
| Who Wore It Better? | Top |
I know, Dover's bloomin' arse should wet fart on me for even asking that question. For whatever reason, Nicole Kidman kept Halloween going by putting on a short, Dollar Tree version of the hot outfit Audrey Hepburn wore in the Royal Ascot scene in My Fair Lady. The Botoxed ice cube copy + pasted Audrey's look for Victoria Derby Day at the Flemington Racecourse in Melbourne today and told reporters that she's paying homage to My Fair Lady, "It's inspired by My Fair Lady. It's one of my favourite movies. We decided to do something that was fun and a bit different." Nicole Kidman looks about as human as an Eliza Doolittle Barbie doll, but I'm going to keep the shade to a minimum. Because I'm actually surprised that Tommy Girl didn't completely ruin Nicole Kidman's ability to have fun and I can't believe the ice queen of Australia feels emotions. Unless, Nicole Kidman is just trying to trick us into thinking she can actually have fun. Yeah, I shouldn't trust a ho who doesn't have pores. | |
| Disney Is Working On A "Boy Meets World" Sequel Series | Top |
I really miss the days when almost every TV show cast photo had a stool in it. Childhoods exploded into a cloud of conflicted emotions last night when TVLine said that the Disney Channel is in the very early stages of working on a reboot of Boy Meets World called Girl Meets World (TWIST!). GMW will focus on Cory and Topanga's pre-teen daughter and her friends. Disney is trying to get Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel to come back as Cory and Topanga. True story: This 16-year-old girl from my high school had a daughter and used Topanga as her kid's middle name because she loved BMW so much. That entire sentence can be explained with one word: California. I'm not sure about this shit, because if the Disney Channel is going to start pulling out old shows from the TGIF days and rebooting them, they should've started with a Kimmy Gibbler spin-off. Disney ruins almost everything, so I'm sure they'll ruin BMW too, but it could work if they add the secret ingredient: NO FEENY, NO SHOW! | |
| Time To Step It Up, Suri | Top |
If I had a baby friend, I'd only dress it in a diaper and a poncho made from a giant paper napkin, because babies spit, snot, piss and shit on everything and they have no respect for clothes. Babies don't care that somewhere in China a baby their age made that onesie. Rude. Well, Posh Beckham is with me. Sort of. But to Posh, her idea of a paper napkin poncho is a $285 Marc Jacobs toddler dress. The Daily Mail says that Posh never puts 15-month-old Harper Seven in the same outfit twice and her daughter's wardrobe is worth $8,000. So far, Posh has bought (aka bitch got that shit for free) Harper a $160 sweater by Bonpoint, a $415 coat from Chloe and a $136 dress from Stella McCartney. Harper Seven never spits up on the same outfit twice, because Posh never dresses her in the same ensemble more than once. Babies don't even know what clothes are, so spending $8,000 on their wardrobe is kind of a waste. But that being said, 8 grand ain't shit to Posh and Becks. Posh spends more than $8,000 a week on bunny fur tampons and maxi-pads with wings (actual wings from an endangered trumpeter swan). Posh's hair is made of the manes of Arabian horses and one weave track costs more than $8,000. So $8,000 is really a drop in the diamond-encrusted champagne bucket to them. And Blue Ivy Carter is spitting up caviar while laughing at this. Blue Ivy Carter won't even shit in a diaper unless it's cashmere, covered in sapphires and costs more than 10 grand. Shitting in anything else is just embarrassing. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
The calm, patient and extremely hot taxi driver from Chile who was in the middle of Charla and Mirna's iconic meltdown on 2007's The Amazing Race All-Stars. Last night, I could've spent my time unpacking shit (in more ways than one) or answering e-mails or dressing up the cracked cold sore on the edge of my mouth with glitter, but instead I chose to get lost in the insanely magical world of Charla and Mirna by watching clips of them from TAR 5 and TAR All-Stars, and I don't regret a damn thing. The greatest team to ever happen to TAR created so many moments that belong in MoMa (Museum of Maniacal Antics), but this one is my favorite. Mirna and Schmirna hired a taxi driver in Chile to lead them to the next stop and the blonde team who look like they just fell out of an Archie comic book followed them. The taxi driver stopped and then Mirna spilled the craziness all over the pavement. Mirna and Schmirna fought with the blondes and then begged the taxi driver to show them MERCY! I'm sure there's a course at Juilliard devoted to this scene, because this is how DRAMA is done: I kind of want to follow Mirna all day. Imagine what she's like when she's five cents short at McDonald's. "HOW MUCH DOLLA YOU NEED? Get me a knife and I'll cut my kidney out and give it to you! I'll give you my lungs. I don't need to breathe. What do you want from me?" Meryl Streep could never. Mirna not only has her masters in Freaking Out, but she also has her masters in International Communications. If you don't speak the language of the country you're in, just start talking in a bizarre and vague foreign accent (I think it's called a batshitanese accent) and everyone will suddenly know what you're saying. No, they won't, but they'll know you're insane and will stay calm and not make any sudden moves, which is exactly what the taxi driver did. That taxi driver let a crazy bitch be a crazy bitch. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Dolph Lundgren (55) | |
| John Travolta Is The Love Of Kirstie Alley's Life | Top |
Who knew that all this time Kristie "Third Wheel" Alley has been waiting in the wings, wishing for the day when John Travolta would finally shave Kelly Preston off of his face and pick her as his new beard. On tonight's 20/20 (via Radar), Kirstie tells Barbara Walters that contrary to popular belief, Krispy Kreme isn't the true love of her life, John Travolta is. Kirstie says that she fell seriously in love with John while shooting the first Look Who's Talking movie and she never tried to beard him, because she was married at the time to Parker Stevenson. Kirstie says that she wanted to leave Parker and run away with John, but she resisted the urge. In between shooting the second Look Who's Talking movie and the third one, John married his lifelong beard Kelly Preston. Kirstie still considers John the love of her life, but she's happy to be his main fruit fly and cherishes all the time they spend together (aka having a kiki in the Scientology bath house.) Poor Kirstie. Why isn't Kirstie the one on People Magazine talking about her "miracle baby"? Why isn't Kirstie the one giving John choreographed kisses on the red carpet? Why isn't Kirstie the one holding hands with John in staged photo-ops? Why is it that bitch Kelly Preston? Why didn't John choose her? Oh, Kirstie, always the fag hag, never the beard. I don't mean to disrespect Kelly Preston's bearding skills, because she is a world-class beard, but Kirstie Alley would've been better. Kirstie would've gladly and loudly lied to everyone about how she gets it on with John all the time and he really knows how to work that dick on her cooch like a real heterosexual. Kirstie would've laid it on extra thick during staged public displays of affection on the red carpet. And every time John came home crying because another massage therapist ran away from his hungry, hungry b-hole, Kirstie would've made him feel better by making him a big pot of cake batter soup with cookie dough bits in it. Then Kirstie would've put on Auntie Mame and let John recite all of Rosalind Russell's lines. She'd gladly take Vera's lines. That's a beard to the end right there. Oh well, it's John Travolta's loss! | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
"Hand me that Victoria's Secret catalog, I need to order a new angel" said Leonardo DiCatchAHo to his butler after breaking up with Erin Heatheron - Just Jared Faith Hill must've had the rubber bands on her braces changed that day, because I'd be really disappointed with her if she didn't have black and orange ones for Halloween - Lainey Gossip Disappointment is mistaking Kellie Pickler for Susan Powter - Hollywood Tuna The NYC Marathon is canceled. But the Eat BBQ Chicharones On My Couch All Weekend Marathon is still on! - Towleroad You know the 1990s fashion comeback is not a good thing when Emma Roberts is wearing a bodysuit with a snap crotch - Drunken Stepfather RiRi, you nasty skank, take that finger out of your mouth! You know where it's been. (It's been in Chris Brown's butt. It's been in Chris Brown's butt.) - The Superficial The judge threw out Sam Lutfi's case against The Spears Family, which means Bit Bit won't have to take the stand. Boo. - Celebitchy So many incest jokes fill my head when looking at that picture of Miley Cyrus tongue kissing a horse head - Popoholic So that's why when I go to the store to buy lifting weights (no, I don't), they're all out of stock. These panty creamers bought them all - The Berry This makes sense, because didn't Abraham Lincoln bone every cocktail waitress in Las Vegas before settling down? - IDLYITW Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are still as awkward as ever - ICYDK Pippa Middleton's new dude is serving up some pursed Joey Lawrence realness - Popsugar Someone has a standing weekly appointment with the butt waxers - (NSFWish) OMG Blog Granddaddy GOOP is my hero - Hollywood Rag The best of Tard! - Cityrag ....as genteel and pristine as ever - I'm Not Obsessed Steven Tyler is just too damn old (and fried in the brains) to give a fuck - SOW | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For November 2nd! | Top |
via Evil Milk | |
| And Here's Another Ginger Gift.... | Top |
No, this isn't a newly found still from Julia Roberts' screen test for Splash. This is Shaun White dressed in drag as The Little Mermaid. The only thing that can top Carrot Bottom via Buzzfeed | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Carrot Top's Tongue | Top |
Because there's so much ugliness on Dlisted today, here's a ginger gift for your eyes. Carrot Top, the torch that keeps thousands of crotches and Las Vegas glowing, is doing his part to find the cure for breast cancer by humping a sign, tongue banging the air and blowing pink pins at a Pinktober event in Vegas the other day. You can't tell from this picture, but Carrot Top's team of security guards had to hold back dozens of men and women who kept trying to back up onto that tongue. Don't give me that "Unless, they're 8 feet tall, how can they back up onto that tongue?" shit. Because what do you think rolling ladders are for? Duh. | |
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